Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

God Bless you brother!

As you know from our PM contact and our phone conversation, LBC has been making progress here in Spain and currently have 8 aspiring converts.

Mission work here is of course still limited in its scope, this being a den of former Cathleg-now lazy liberal Latins.

Another hurdle is our lack of a Pastor, so at the moment the Bible Study is being done by myself and Mrs McUiinean. The rewards being reaped are enormous. Our gang of newbies are: 7 young ladies of former Jahoover's Winglesses - all between 19 and 28 yrs old, and a nurse by the name of María Dolores de la Santísima Trinidad Tovago, who has come from a rather licentious background of loose living and one failed lesbiack 'marriage'.

We do not yet have a venue for a Church but Brother Dewitt has been in contact regarding funding, this should run smoothly as there are a number of local officials that María Dolores de la Santísima Trinidad Tovago has been able to persuade to help us. It seems she was an amateur film-maker in her early days and these officials seem eager to acquire some of her confidential work in exchange for waiving of the usual planning permission formalities.


So far, so good Rev. Jim.
Jesus is smiling just as much as I am and my we're gang reaping the benefits of sowing the seeds of Salvation as we plow these freshly turned fields that are the girls in the name of Jesus.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

What a great opportunity, Rev. Jim.

I'm thinking it will appeal to many of our young men in Freehold who have recently graduated and are waiting for the job market to improve.

God bless you for all the work you do.

JJH

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Landover Baptist Church proudly announces NEW MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE in our various evangelical programs around the world!

One of the commonly-held criticisms that unsaved trash speak about our church is our Unsaved, Unwelcome policy. They say that the Bible commands us to go out and spread the Gospel amongst the unsaved, and that is technically correct. However, the Bible also commands us to isolate ourselves from unsaved scum (1 Cor. 5:11, 1 Cor. 10:20, 2 Cor. 6:14-17, Eph. 5:11, 2 Thess. 3:6, 2 John 1:9-11). This website is for True Christians(tm) to share fellowship, Bible discussion, and knowledge amongst ourselves.

So if the purpose of this website is not to evangelize and teach the Word to the unsaved, how can we spread the Gospel to them? By going out into the world. Mark 16:15 tells us "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.". We are meant to go out into the world and preach. That is why Landover Baptist Church has many evangelical missions around the world, and we have opened many positions for faithful True Christians(tm) to join!

We currently have missionary positions open in the United States. Contact our VP of Evangelical Outreach, Pastor Billy-Reuben if you want to work stateside. However, for foreign countries, these are the missionary positions currently open:

• General Europe. Contact Pastor Wide-Open who is the director of our European Evangelical Outreach.
• Denmark. Contact Pastor Rune Enoe, Johannes Kirkeholm or Viggo B. Kristoffersen.
• New Zealand. Contact Mrs. Getrude Rogers.
• Canada. Contact Brother Enoch, Sister Kitty, or BelieverInGod.
• Spain. Contact Brother McUinnean.
• Germany. Contact Titus Templeton.
• Hawaii. Contact Brother Barton.
• Hong Kong. Contact Brother Fred.
• And more!

Missionary positions are volunteer work, so there is no pay. You do get room or board at our upscale evangelical centers, however. Your own private bedroom, private bathroom and shower, a common kitchen, and a $200 a month food allowance. Missionary work entails teaching foreigners English, teaching Bible study classes, setting up and working at our public Evangelical crusades, office work, general labor, and more. All missionaries must be at least 18 years of age, a certified True Christian(tm) through the Landover Baptist Church, and pass the LMAT (Landover Missionary Aptitude Test).

Do what God is calling you to do today! The world needs to hear the Word.

YIC,
Rev. Jim Osborne