Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

[Johny Joe Hold]

Friends of Freehold, a most Merry Christmas to you all. Our beautiful little City is alive with anticipation of the birthday of Baby Jesus.

We are truly blessed to live in a Christian City on the hill.

Just a bit of City business while I have your attention. I received a few calls from folks who had been shopping at Trinity Tool and Hardware. They said the management had told them they do not stock the toaster that burns the face of Jesus on toasted bread because, "The Mayor won't let us."

Now, friends, this Mayor's work is not simple. I would ordinarily like to see people making toast with the face of Jesus. But, there is a problem.

The company that makes the toaster also offers models that burn on the face of Mary, a Catholic model.

But, that's not the worst of it. There is a model which burns on the face of Obama! Trinity Tool and Hardware is requied to stock all models.

Do you really want want to live in a City where Obuma is popping out of toasters? Certainly, I do not.

Therefore, it is true I told the folks at the Hardware store they could not stock these popular toasters.

Nevertheless, we will have a wonderful Christmas with white toast (no picture) and hot chocolate.

Johny Joe Hold
Mayor

http://www.burntimpressions.com/

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

While we are on the subject of blasphemous toast, I would like to point out that breadsticks were invented by the homosexual conspiracy with the intent to make people worship phallic icons and to induce homosexual fantasies.

Deuteronomy 4:16 16Lest ye corrupt yourselves, and make you a graven image, the similitude of any figure, the likeness of male or female,

Do not put breadsticks in your mouth! Do not let them remind you of a tallywacker! Especially not the ENORMOUS, ENGORGED tallywackers of pagan gods like Dionysus or Bacchus!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Do you really want want to live in a City where Obuma is popping out of toasters? Certainly, I do not.

http://www.burntimpressions.com/

I'm not sure, Mayor. Consider this: Obama, feeling the heat on all sides, watching the coils redden. He can't escape. It's Hell! He's being burned alive!

Then POP! Up he goes, like a Christian being Raptured to Heaven. A second chance!

Imagine people seeing this daily. Praying on the subject. What if God listened to those prayers, and helped Obama find Him? Say, on November 8, 2012?

We could find ourselves with a True Christian™ President!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

While we are on the subject of blasphemous toast, I would like to point out that breadsticks were invented by the homosexual conspiracy with the intent to make people worship phallic icons and to induce homosexual fantasies.



Do not put breadsticks in your mouth! Do not let them remind you of a tallywacker! Especially not the ENORMOUS, ENGORGED tallywackers of pagan gods like Dionysus or Bacchus!

That's an astute point you are making Brother Jenkins. I used to think that the endless salads and bread sticks at the Olive Garden restaurants were a gift of God's bounty, but this incident a few months ago gave me pause for concern – imagine denying the patriotic Kiwanis club their right to display the Godly American Flag.

Olive Garden: American Flag Display Would ‘Disrupt the Dining Experience'
Posted on October 12, 2011 at 7:59pm by Tiffany Gabbay

80-year-old Marti Warren thought she was doing a good thing a little over a month ago when she booked a local Olive Garden restaurant in Oxford, Alabama, to host a Kiwanis club awards banquet. The chapter president got a rude awakening the night of the gathering, however, when restaurant staff refused to allow her to bring an American flag inside the restaurant.

…

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/olive-garden-american-flag-display-would-disrupt-the-dining-experience/

It's becoming clear that the Olive Garden restaurants may have been co-opted and are now a tool of Satan.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

It's becoming clear that the Olive Garden restaurants may have been co-opted and are now a tool of Satan.

I've always been reluctant to patronize Italian restaurants. Italy is a Catholic country, so there is that.

Then, you have wonder if people who say they serve Italian food are really patriotic Americans.

[HTannor]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Brother Mayor Hold, I managed to score a small supply of toasters that burn the image of Nancy Pelosi into the bread.

Since the trailer park is outside Freehold's city limits, is it okay if I sell them to my neighbors?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Toasters are for gays and girls. Bread should be roasted on a fire along with freshly killed meat.

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Toasters are for gays and girls. Bread should be roasted on a fire along with freshly killed meat.

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

AMEN! Bread should be wadded up into a formless blob and burned; NOT lustfully kneaded into the likeness of a phallus and stuffed into neighboring holes!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Brother Mayor Hold, I managed to score a small supply of toasters that burn the image of Nancy Pelosi into the bread.

Since the trailer park is outside Freehold's city limits, is it okay if I sell them to my neighbors?

Is it an image of Nancy Pelosi shrieking in terror and agony, surrounded by flames and the tortured souls of the damned?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

Brother Mayor Hold, I managed to score a small supply of toasters that burn the image of Nancy Pelosi into the bread.

Since the trailer park is outside Freehold's city limits, is it okay if I sell them to my neighbors?

I've always believed one of the great innovations in captialism is selling things out of one's automobile trunk.

My best to you, Brother Tanner, with your free enterprise project.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Toaster With Jesus Face Not Available in Freehold

I've always been reluctant to patronize Italian restaurants. Italy is a Catholic country, so there is that.

Then, you have wonder if people who say they serve Italian food are really patriotic Americans.

I see your point Mayor – and I don't seem to recall any mention in the Bible (KJV1611) that Jesus ordered the Olive Garden to cater the Last Supper – or that there were any bread sticks served. The cathylicks seem to have continued the worshiping of phallic bread sticks – possibly even to slicing them up to make their magic wafers.