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  • #1

    In Court in Landover - the Oath.

    A man’s thighs are clearly the fount of future generation sand in the word “testify” we have the origins of swearing before God and upon the lives of all your descendants. And hence we can see that when the Bible (in reference to men) mentions promises, testify and testicle are obviously connected. We testify to a promise by holding the testicles.

    In Genesis 24, a now ageing Abraham calls his senior servant and says

    “Ge:24:2b: Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:” and then says
    “Ge:24:3: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:”

    There is a little “What happens if” style of discussion, and then

    “Ge:24:9: And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.”

    Later, we have Jacob at the age of 147 saying:

    “Ge:47:29: And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:
    Ge:47:30: But I will lie with my fathers, and thou shalt carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their burying place. And he said, I will do as thou hast said.
    Ge:47:31: And he said, Swear unto me. And he sware unto him. And Israel bowed himself upon the bed's head.”

    And in Revelation we find

    Re:19:11: And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse;and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
    […]
    Re:19:16: And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

    It is clear that if you have KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS tattooed on your testicles, then you are swearing before God who you are. (And this is why Jesus does not need a passport.)

    I mention this from henceforth, when taking an oath, or making a deposition, in a court in Landover, the procedure will be as follows:The witness will place his hand under the thigh of the judge and (taking the judge by the testicles) solemnly promise that his “testimony” will be the truth.


    For more information, see https://www.gotquestions.org/hand-under-thigh.html
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

    You are so right, Pastor. When God instructed the ancients on what wisdom to include in the Bible He reminded them He had designed males in such a way they could be forced to always be truthful. A hand holding the testicle ready to squeeze will bring forward the truth every time.
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

      I sincerely hope that in the extremely unlikely event that any True Christian(tm) lady is called upon to testify in court, alternative arrangements will be made. Perhaps the use of a male relative to clutch by proxy?
      Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

        Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
        I sincerely hope that in the extremely unlikely event that any True Christian™ lady is called upon to testify in court, alternative arrangements will be made. Perhaps the use of a male relative to clutch by proxy?
        An unlikely event indeed, dear Sister. As I understand it, the standard that our esteemed Brother Bathfire notes is the reason why women were not permitted to offer testimony in courts for a great many centuries. No testes = no testimony.
        His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

        Guns For God and the Economy

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

          Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

          Re:19:11: And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse;and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.
          […]
          Re:19:16: And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

          It is clear that if you have KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS tattooed on your (etc………)
          I have a question about Christ's attitude in God's description from Revelation 19. With so many posters for undergarments featuring European or British sports identities [the sports are British inventions, other than boules (I've never seen a boules star advertise anything) but the stars hail from all over] there's an oversupply of material in this respect. Whereabouts the words appear, on the area you've identified, affects their visibility. Are they always visible or only sometimes? I will not be posting gents undergarments to illustrate this point but examining any such ad. would demonstrate how the precise location affected readability were the garment to be removed.


          WHAT IS: "VESTURE"

          Revelation 19:16a And he hath on his vesture . . .

          I'm not questioning whether the slogan's tattooed on, or is an innate feature of, The Lord's Body. It's there and that's all I need to know. Earlier in verse 16 though, the text is on His "vesture" as well. Not being sure what that meant I looked up the word in my dictionary and have provided two illustrations of different types. Clearly a much larger font could be used here than at the other location and one would not need to be so close to read it. But my ununderstanding was piqued by how on earth would the smaller graphic even be visible if He's wearing a vesture? Surely we're not being asked to choose between X-ray vision and the Emperor's new clothes?

          At present I'm finding the imagery difficult to accommodate.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

            Jesus was very careful as to His Clothes - look at any picture and you'll see cutting-edge style or a timeless authority in everything He wears.

            Webster's Dictionary 1828, the only Dictionary allowed in Landover, has the entry for Vesture as

            VEST'URE, noun [See Vest.]


            1. A garment; a robe.


            There polish'd chests embroider'd vesture grac'd.


            2. Dress; garments in general; habit; clothing; vestment; as the vesture of priests.


            3. Clothing; covering.


            Rocks, precipices and gulfs appareled with a vesture of plants.

            - And gild the humble vestures of the plain.


            4. In old law books, the corn with which land was covered; as the vesture of an acre.


            5. In old books, seisin; possession. obsolete


            It is clear that Jesus's mom, Mary, has written His Holy Name on all his clothes, so if he forgets or looses them, they would be returned.
            sigpic


            “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

            Author of such illuminating essays as,
            Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: In Court in Landover - the Oath.

              Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
              ......written His Holy Name on all his clothes, so if he forgets or looses them, they would be returned.
              Yes, I see. I don't suppose the robe gambled over by the Roman soldiers was His only garment – and before His ascension there'd be time to collect some others. However from Webster's definition and from the illustrations, I still can't see how His "thigh" would be visible. There is no mention of X-ray vision in The Bible and I'm sure God isn't using tricks (atmospheric effects mimicking lenses) to magnify His name which under the circumstances would be embarrassing, especially if we couldn't look away. Indeed, this display would have the opposite effect:
              Psalm 34:2-5 My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened and their faces were not ashamed.

              Of course nobody's suggesting we're going to be kept in the dark and spied on in case we put a foot wrong. This is not an imitation Jesus: it's the real deal, displayed in majesty and power. But I still can't understand how even a thoroughly-magnified Name on a super-sized "thigh" could be seen through a garment or robe?

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