View Single Post
  #17  
Old 05-17-2008, 06:24 PM
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Posts: 17,811
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Quote:
Originally Posted by revrggreen View Post
Brother Bathfire,

Might I enquire if there are any trainee-positions available within your Vivisection Labs?

It seems my youngest daughter saw your postings on the subject, and was quite taken with them. Though she is only 12 years old, she quite the little scientist! I came home early yesterday afternoon, to the sounds of howling and screams from our backyard! When I went round to see what was happening, I was met with the sight of my little darling covered in blood, grinning wildly, with a severed dog's head in her hand. She looked so pleased with herself!

It seems that she rounded up all the stray dogs from the neighborhood, and began experimenting on them. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied -

"Trying to teach an old dog new tricks, daddy!"

Don't children say the funniest things!

It certainly had me laughing. I was very proud of my little sweetheart. Especially with the severe lack of surgical equipment or decent laboratory conditions at her disposal. Armed with only a handful of kitchen knives, a box of rusty farm-tools, rope, and a blow-torch, she had managed to carry out well over 14 successful vivisection-tests! Praise!

In one experiment, she used a rusty hack-saw to saw 4 legs off a dog, before sewing them back on the wrong way round - to see if the dog could still walk!

In another, she cut a dogs head open, removed it's brains, and replaced them with doll-parts, jelly, broken glass and spagetti-hoops - to see if it would still work!

While in her other experiments she - Tied a fire-cracker to a dog's face, and blew one side of it clean off! Cut open a dog's stomach, and replaced it's intestines with baby-toys and old boots! Dipped a dog's head in gasoline, and set it alight! And she even gouged out a dog's eyes with a screw-driver, and hung it from a tree! Glory! She certainly was a busy girl! My darling little vivisectionist!

I'm so proud of her right now! Though I'm not sure what any of these 'tests' had to do with teaching 'old dogs new tricks', she assured me her experiments had been a complete success! Praise!
Well, I’m amazed! Here was I thinking that Zebulun and I were sitting in a quiet backwater of Landover, going about our Godly calling with little hope of anything other than the possibility of some minor recognition from the Biblical Science Society and less hope of finding amanuenses to help with the demanding work, and suddenly I have 2 offers on my plate. Well, what can I do but accept them.

Firstly, Revrggreen, I’m impressed with your daughter’s curiosity and her fearless approach to animals. Let me tell you that the experiment of cutting a dog’s legs off and replacing them backwards, was not performed until 1879 and that was under the leadership of the great Professor Ebenezer Caulthwaite here at Landover.

The experiment in which the intestines are exposed is very reminiscent of 2Ch:21:19: And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases. And his people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers. Here the problem was to see if losing one’s bowels did lead to death or was it merely a Godly curse? This eventually led to the discovery that, as we are all made by God in His Image, Blood types, tissue types, etc., are all irrelevant and that if things start to go wrong, the answer is to pray fervently.

Anyway, I’m going into much too much detail, send the little scientist along and we will let her get started on a few cats we have left over. I’d be obliged if you could teach her to use an electric drill and a chainsaw.


PS I like the photographs, very professional!


Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
GOD, I just love a Man in a Lab Coat! Might I assist in any way?
Dear SUV, I am only too pleased to have you on board. We will be requiring an assistant capable of stunning meercats (mothers and infants) with a taser, securing them to the table and then discovering which part of the brain governs the maternal instinct. (1 Kings 3:16-28 The Judgement of Solomon).

White cotton coats come with the territory and because of the heat in the laboratory; you would not be expected to wear any other clothing, neither Zebulun nor I do.

I’m afraid though that the salary may not meet your standards and the hours are long. At your level, Landover cannot offer more than $90,000 p.a. for a 27 hour week. On the plus side, there are 2 cars at your disposal and 42 days paid holiday a year.

If you are happy with this, why not give me a call to arrange an appointment and a quick training session? It shouldn’t take more than an hour to get you up to speed.
__________________


Amen Bathfire E
We are the pure and chosen few,
And all the rest are damned.
There’s room enough in hell for you—
We don’t want heaven crammed.
Reply With Quote