8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

[Cranky Old Man]

8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

New Zealand is a small insignificant country on the edge of the world. It used to be part of England but everyone there forgot about it. There are a few True Christians™ there, but most of it's inhabitants are going straight to Hell.

1. New Zealand has the highest amount of Apatheism (Atheism on steroids) in the world. They do not just ignore God, they are openly proud about it!
2. New Zealand has the highest amount of sheep rape cases in the entire world. And this is not just per capita! Leviticus 18:23 "Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion."
3. More or less civilized people arrived in New Zealand by canoe in about AD 1250–1300. This canoe is still the most advanced form of transportation New Zealand has.
4. Many people in New Zealand die because they ignore the Holy Bible and mistakenly think Earth is a globe. Then they fall off the edge. New Zealand is in denial about this and claims a lot of people drown in the Waikato River to explain these "mysterious" deaths. 2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness"
5. New Zealand claims to be a peaceful nation but in reality no one ever cared enough to invade it and no one there owns enough to make any form of crime profitable. And there is nothing peaceful about the way in which the Māori are mistreated. Many Māori are in jail for crimes that don't even exist in New Zealand and ancient Māori rock-art is often damaged or destroyed. The government has provided over NZ$900 million (about 7 American Dollars) in settlements in an attempt to undo some of the severe damage done to the Māori.
6. When British explorer James Cook started trading in 1769 the people of New Zealand mostly paid for the goods with sex. For those in denial about this: King (2003) pg 122.
7. In 2003 New Zealand decriminalised the sex trade. Most female workers in New Zealand are whores. Proverbs 23:27-28 "For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit. She also lieth in wait as for a prey, and increaseth the transgressors among men."
8. Since people in New Zealand have no real property other than sex trade they invented Kiwi Dollars to pretend having an economy. These Kiwi Dollars are also valid in Cook Islands, Niue, Tokelau, and the Pitcairn Islands all of which are, surprisingly, even less significant than New Zealand. Everywhere else in the world they are better known as Monopoly Money.
   

All people New Zealand of need to repent and accept Jesus Christ as their savior! Until then, they will suffer and will burn in Hell along with other God-mocking countries like Australia, England, Scotland, Denmark, Germany, France, Italy, Hungary, Russia, China, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Ukraine, Romania, Croatia, Serbia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Somalia, Sudan, South Africa, Iceland, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala, Algeria, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Qatar, etc.

[Logan]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I believe reason #2 is enough.

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

New Zealand has the highest amount of sheep rape cases in the entire
world

What the heck is wrong with their women if this is such a problem?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

What the heck is wrong with their women if this is such a problem?

I am not sure but I have heard they even dress up like sheep to compensate for it.

Picture of a New Zealand sheep suit which New Zealand women use to seduce men:

[BelieverInGod]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I am not sure but I have heard they even dress up like sheep to compensate for it.

Picture of a New Zealand sheep suit which New Zealand women use to seduce men:

It has horns, it's not even a FEMALE SHEEP

What kind of depravity is this?

[Brother Alex]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

Homersexual sheep rapists, huh? What kind of filth is this?

[Bryan Tamariki]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

As a proud New Zealander I have to take issue with the accuracy of some the points that you made here Brother Cranky.

The blue flag with six yellow stars is in fact the Australian flag. Our flag has only four stars: The Union Jack means that we are part of the Commonwealth with Britain. The FOUR stars, the Southern Cross, are what the missionary Samuel Marsden saw in the sky when he gave the first New Zealand Christian Christmas service to Māori in 1814.

Although the NZ economy is based on tourism, dairy products, forestry and sheep

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/New_zealand

- we do in fact have less sheep than Australia and a smaller population of idle sheep farmers. Australia also has a famous song called 'Tie me kangaroo down sport' :http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...897637,00.html
which describes marsupial bondage.

If you look closely at the sheep suit you will notice that it is surrounded by people wearing silly-looking green and yellow hats with corks hanging off them. Green and yellow are the Australian sports colours and the corks are to keep the nasty Aussie flies off them. New Zealand sports clothes are usually black with a silver fern on them.


The furry in the sheep suit is in fact 'entertaining' Australians in Australia.

The protestant work ethic is so strong down here: the belief in capitalism and the freedom of the individual has meant that some view us as apathetic. Many New Zealanders have strong faith and beliefs but we have developed them at distance and independently from most other civilised countries.

We have fewer catholicks than Australia and fewer gothtards - Australia was the country that 19th missionary James Denney called "The Most Godless Place Under Heaven" and the name stuck. For our size, New Zealand has many full-immersion baptised and Biblical Christians. I was baptised in my local Baptist Church in 1986.

New Zealand has only been a peaceful country in recent history, which is mainly because we have had a number of socialist leaders like B. Obama. Before we were settled and taught the ways of white folk by English missionaries my Māori ancestors were barbaric tribal savages. The basis of my ancestors' society was 'Utu' which loosely translates to 'An eye for an eye'. Every little grievance was settled by personal conflict. Since the 1850s most Māori leaders have had Faith in God and many have been Born Again.

For over the last hundred years almost every conflict that the United States and Great Britain has been involved in, New Zealanders have played a part. Most New Zealand soldiers have been volunteers, such as the famous 28th (Māori) Battalion: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C4%81ori_Battalion

Māori as an indigenous people have been treated better than almost all other first nations people in the world. New Zealand was colonised rather than invaded and most tribes got on with the, then, mostly British settlers. Māori have a Treaty with the government which has meant that all Māori have affirmative action plus grounds to settle any grievance that has occurred - and most of the important ones have been settled. As an example, nearly half of the fishing industry is owned or controlled by Māori. Surviving ancient Māori rock-art and most semi-precious stones like greenstone belong to the tribe that is associated with the land where they are found, and cannot be sold or traded without the consent of the tribe.

The Sex Trade in New Zealand is thoroughly regulated, which means that the rate of AIDS and drug use among whores is controlled. Whores even have their own trade union: http://www.nzpc.org.nz/ Many of us fight to return New Zealand to Biblical Christian Values, such the criminalisation of prostitution, and we need your prayers.

YIC
Bryan.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

As a proud New Zealander

You openly admit to this?

The blue flag with six yellow stars is in fact the Australian flag.

To be honest, I fail to see the difference. But I assure you the New Zealand flag has a copy of the English flag and a bunch of stars.

Although the NZ economy is based on tourism, dairy products, forestry and sheep http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/New_zealand - we do in fact have less sheep than Australia and a smaller population of idle sheep farmers.

Which just makes it worse that almost all those sheep get raped! I could care less about those sheep, but I fail to understand why all those New Zealand men want to condemn themselves to Hell .

If you look closely at the sheep suit you will notice that it is surrounded by people wearing silly-looking green and yellow hats with corks hanging off them.

Who cares what they are wearing while they are watching their horrible New Zealand Rugby team lose yet another match?

some view us as apathetic

Indeed. I never even heard of Apatheism before I started collecting information about New Zealand.

distance and independently from most other civilised countries

Don't you people get tired of canoe travel?

For over the last hundred years almost every conflict that the United States and Great Britain has been involved in, New Zealanders have played a part.

That is nice, unfortunately a canoe is not that effective in modern warfare.

the famous 28th (Māori) Battalion

I assure you it is only famous in New Zealand!

Whores even have their own trade union: http://www.nzpc.org.nz/

Why on Earth do you not leave New Zealand as fast as possible? It will take a few months to reach America with a canoe but at least you would be in a civilized nation!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

Brothers, Brother Ezekiel Bathfire provided me with some long lost documents from the HMS Endeavour and these brought me some even more disturbing facts about New Zealand!

New Zealand is known in Maori as "The Land of the Long White Cloud" and here we have the vengeance of the Lord! Nahum 1:3 "The LORD is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet."

From the log of HMS Endeavour: "On 6th October 1769, Nicholas Young, the surgeon's boy, sighted the coastline of New Zealand from the masthead of The Endeavour. Smoke was seen rising from the mainland and the Captain and the crew thus learned the land was occupied. However, the cloud that covered the island was seen as an ill-omen and this was later borne out when the Maori threatened the crew, for which trouble one was shot!"

[Talitha]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I think that flag needs a few more Stars.
It's a shame that the Brits Pre-stole this little Island before we got there.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I think that flag needs a few more Stars.

Your version does indeed look much better!

[Freeks-Angel]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

Ah you guys have no clue what your on about to be honest.

We were discoverd by the English because there was overcrowding in the country. They discoverd the maori and Christian missionarys decided to convert them to there religion. The stars is the Southern Cross. have you looked in that stars at night and seen it. I was use to navigate the stars before we have modern technology either that or it has a religious significance. We are part of the comonwealth. which means we were colonised by the English

you people seem to have us mistaken for Australians. We have less sheep and we cartainly dont do sheep.

we have more civilized water transport these days than cannos. we have good cruze ships and good trade

we have joined forces with America before. I think we played a part in the Pacific War (Pearl Habour was around this time) because it was a threat to us.

NZ is famous for the excelent rugby matches. we may have lost to many top teams but we are still the best in the world.

Sorry fo some of the spelling. and I will not argue since I have played me point and wish to listen to yours. I know when to stop in an argument.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

Ah you guys have no clue what your on about to be honest.

I did something called research. You should try the same. The results might amaze you.

We have less sheep and we cartainly dont do sheep.

Your sheep beg to differ. You raped them so much they even got sick from it! New Zealand Veterinary Journal, Volume 41, Issue 3, pp 151-152: Rape poisoning in sheep.

we have more civilized water transport these days than cannos. we have good cruze ships and good trade

So you got bigger canoes, good for you!

we have joined forces with America before. I think we played a part in the Pacific War (Pearl Habour was around this time) because it was a threat to us.

We probably overlooked the canoe.

NZ is famous for the excelent rugby matches.

Indeed you are. They make for great comedy capers television.

we may have lost to many top teams but we are still the best in the world

Actually to be the best in the world you have to win from many top teams. Losing from them just makes your rugby players a bunch of losers. The only way you can win is if you cheat: New Zealand Herald: Tuesday Apr 13, 2010: Rugby: Maori told to throw match against Boks.

[Freeks-Angel]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I did something called research. You should try the same. The results might amaze you.

Your sheep beg to differ. You raped them so much they even got sick from it! New Zealand Veterinary Journal, Volume 41, Issue 3, pp 151-152: Rape poisoning in sheep.

So you got bigger canoes, good for you!

We probably overlooked the canoe.

Indeed you are. They make for great comedy capers television.

Actually to be the best in the world you have to win from many top teams. Losing from them just makes your rugby players a bunch of losers. The only way you can win is if you cheat: New Zealand Herald: Tuesday Apr 13, 2010: Rugby: Maori told to throw match against Boks.

I LIVE in New Zealand. It seems you are narrow minded

You have been misleaded by the word rape in the article. Have you heard of Rapeseed? Its common name is Canola and is used in Canola oil. I think you need to look a bit closer is says feeding which means the seed is eaten by the lamb or sheep.

Just because the Maories arrived in cannoes does not mean we still use them. If we still use canoes so do you because you seem to be a bit confused about boats and canoes.

again with the canoes, you seem to not care about modern New Zealand.

Rugby is a proud sport just like Football and baseball is to your country.

we have won against top teams. South Africa, Australia and others that I cant name. we do not cheat. Losing and Winning is a part of life and we accept that. We have not cheated and the Maori's have little respect for our ountry because we invaded it.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 8 Reasons why God hates New Zealand!

I LIVE in New Zealand. It seems you are narrow minded

It is you who is narrow minded, you refuse to see the truth even though it is right in front of you!

You have been misleaded by the word rape in the article. Have you heard of Rapeseed?

Yes, I am aware rape involves seed. But I prefer to keep filthy details like that away from this nice family forum!

which means the seed is eaten by the lamb or sheep

We do not care how you are raping the sheep, we just want you to stop doing it!

If we still use canoes so do you

I do not own a canoe, I drive a Hummer.

We have not cheated

So according to you the article just yesterday in the biggest newspaper in New Zealand is just a lie? New Zealand Herald: Tuesday Apr 13, 2010: Rugby: Maori told to throw match against Boks.

and the Maori's have little respect for our ountry because we invaded it

Why do you not just leave the Māori alone? Didn't the Māori suffer enough already?