[SUV]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

GOD, I just love a Man in a Lab Coat! Might I assist in any way?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Brother Bathfire,

Might I enquire if there are any trainee-positions available within your Vivisection Labs?

It seems my youngest daughter saw your postings on the subject, and was quite taken with them. Though she is only 12 years old, she quite the little scientist! I came home early yesterday afternoon, to the sounds of howling and screams from our backyard! When I went round to see what was happening, I was met with the sight of my little darling covered in blood, grinning wildly, with a severed dog's head in her hand. She looked so pleased with herself!

It seems that she rounded up all the stray dogs from the neighborhood, and began experimenting on them. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied -

"Trying to teach an old dog new tricks, daddy!"

Don't children say the funniest things!

It certainly had me laughing. I was very proud of my little sweetheart. Especially with the severe lack of surgical equipment or decent laboratory conditions at her disposal. Armed with only a handful of kitchen knives, a box of rusty farm-tools, rope, and a blow-torch, she had managed to carry out well over 14 successful vivisection-tests! Praise!

In one experiment, she used a rusty hack-saw to saw 4 legs off a dog, before sewing them back on the wrong way round - to see if the dog could still walk!

In another, she cut a dogs head open, removed it's brains, and replaced them with doll-parts, jelly, broken glass and spagetti-hoops - to see if it would still work!

While in her other experiments she - Tied a fire-cracker to a dog's face, and blew one side of it clean off! Cut open a dog's stomach, and replaced it's intestines with baby-toys and old boots! Dipped a dog's head in gasoline, and set it alight! And she even gouged out a dog's eyes with a screw-driver, and hung it from a tree! Glory! She certainly was a busy girl! My darling little vivisectionist!

I'm so proud of her right now! Though I'm not sure what any of these 'tests' had to do with teaching 'old dogs new tricks', she assured me her experiments had been a complete success! Praise!

Well, I’m amazed! Here was I thinking that Zebulun and I were sitting in a quiet backwater of Landover, going about our Godly calling with little hope of anything other than the possibility of some minor recognition from the Biblical Science Society and less hope of finding amanuenses to help with the demanding work, and suddenly I have 2 offers on my plate. Well, what can I do but accept them.

Firstly, Revrggreen, I’m impressed with your daughter’s curiosity and her fearless approach to animals. Let me tell you that the experiment of cutting a dog’s legs off and replacing them backwards, was not performed until 1879 and that was under the leadership of the great Professor Ebenezer Caulthwaite here at Landover.

The experiment in which the intestines are exposed is very reminiscent of 2Ch:21:19: And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness: so he died of sore diseases. And his people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers. Here the problem was to see if losing one’s bowels did lead to death or was it merely a Godly curse? This eventually led to the discovery that, as we are all made by God in His Image, Blood types, tissue types, etc., are all irrelevant and that if things start to go wrong, the answer is to pray fervently.

Anyway, I’m going into much too much detail, send the little scientist along and we will let her get started on a few cats we have left over. I’d be obliged if you could teach her to use an electric drill and a chainsaw.

PS I like the photographs, very professional!

GOD, I just love a Man in a Lab Coat! Might I assist in any way?

Dear SUV, I am only too pleased to have you on board. We will be requiring an assistant capable of stunning meercats (mothers and infants) with a taser, securing them to the table and then discovering which part of the brain governs the maternal instinct. (1 Kings 3:16-28 The Judgement of Solomon).

White cotton coats come with the territory and because of the heat in the laboratory; you would not be expected to wear any other clothing, neither Zebulun nor I do.

I’m afraid though that the salary may not meet your standards and the hours are long. At your level, Landover cannot offer more than $90,000 p.a. for a 27 hour week. On the plus side, there are 2 cars at your disposal and 42 days paid holiday a year.

If you are happy with this, why not give me a call to arrange an appointment and a quick training session? It shouldn’t take more than an hour to get you up to speed.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Brother Bathfire, your experiment reminded me of a story I had seen on the local news. I thought I had seen a cat fall out of a tree before, so I looked on youTube and found several 'cat falls out of tree and survives' videos. I linked to some of them below. It's possible that you didn't include the wrong accident in your testing criteria. Maybe you should consider this phenomenon regarding the longevity of felines.

Brother Nobar, I thank you for your interest in Biblical Science (BS). I take your point with the problem of the type of accidents to which cats often succumb. As you see from the above posts, I now may have 2 more assistants who will be able to help broaden out research.

I delayed my reply until I had closely examined the footage supplied and found sufficient cats. On the first point, (i) it struck me was that the animal was filmed up a tree and (ii) the first thing that struck the creature was the ground.

But did you notice that the creature landed on its back? Now, it is God’s Law that cats fall on their feet (see Creelton et al “The Consistency of Falling Cats” Landover Press 1804 vol. 4 pp 1210 – 1398.) So, was it a cat or not or was it an exception and can we improve on Creelton’s experiment?

There being no tree immediately to hand, we took 30 cats to the top of St Peter’s in Landover Catholic Cathedrals Desecration Arcade and lowered a steel hawser to the ground. This was secured at the base and the cats were threaded one by one onto to wire through the abdomen and out through the back. This ensured that they would slide down the wire and fall on their feet.

Unfortunately, several strands of the wire had frayed half-way down, and these caused the first cat to stick. We sent further cats down to dislodge it but they all stuck above.

Well there was much yowling and a lot of fighting 150 foot up there in the air and a party of visiting schoolgirls ran off thinking Catlik Devils had arrived a la Revelations (many-headed beasts and all that.)

So until we can get a few more cats and a length of better wire, I’ve placed this on the back burner.

Below is the only photo we have of the cat going down the wire.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

I'm going to ignore the pointless studies you carry out and the fact that you are debunking myths that you already know the answers to and the hate you have to God's creatures. But I just want to ask one question: How do you get away with such immoral animal experiments? Aren't there laws that protect animal cruelty?

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Aren't there laws that protect animal cruelty?

Yes, Freehold is one of the only counties in the United States to have such laws. Praise Jesus!

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Yes, Freehold is one of the only counties in the United States to have such laws. Praise Jesus!

So, are you saying only in Freehold can one legally act as cruel to animals one wishes?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

So, are you saying only in Freehold can one legally act as cruel to animals one wishes?

We follow God's laws, mr. slant. All that "be kind to dumb animals" crap was coined by Karl Marx.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

Has this chucklehead ever cracked open a Bible?

Genesis 1:26
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

We follow God's laws, mr. slant. All that "be kind to dumb animals" crap was coined by Karl Marx.

So you agree that your creation science team is experimenting on animals with cruel methods?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

So you agree that your creation science team is experimenting on animals with cruel methods?

Well....Define cruelty.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

So you agree that your creation science team is experimenting on animals with cruel methods?

My above post didn't capture the extent of my question. I meant to say: So you agree that your creation science team is illegally experimenting on animals with cruel methods.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

My above post didn't capture the extent of my question. I meant to say: So you agree that your creation science team is illegally experimenting on animals with cruel methods.

I agree to no such thing. Are your eyes so slanty that you can't read English?

I clearly stated that the laws of Freehold follow the Laws of God.

[LyingDingDong]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

I agree to no such thing. Are your eyes so slanty that you can't read English?

I clearly stated that the laws of Freehold follow the Laws of God.

It's funny that you (plural) comment on my "slanty" eyes. I have made it very clear before and I will now, I don't have slanted eyes. Heredity is very powerful. Remember: Chinese dad and American mom.

So does Freehold have some sort of license that grants it freedom from the laws of the United States? I'm specifically speaking about America, God's supposed favorite country, is what you're doing illegal? Again, not the laws of your Christian faith or God, but the laws in our Constitution.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

So does Freehold have some sort of license that grants it freedom from the laws of the United States? I'm specifically speaking about America, God's supposed favorite country, is what you're doing illegal? Again, not the laws of your Christian faith or God, but the laws in our Constitution.

Where in the U.S. constitution does it say we have to be nice to dumb animals?

Every community has its own laws HopSing. For example dog fights are perfectly legal in some locales.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Viivisection for Proof against Wicca!

I'm going to ignore the pointless studies you carry out and the fact that you are debunking myths that you already know the answers to and the hate you have to God's creatures. But I just want to ask one question: How do you get away with such immoral animal experiments? Aren't there laws that protect animal cruelty?

LBDD; many thanks for your interest in BS. Sister Virginia has answered one part, if I may, I will rebut the others.

Many people believe superstition or fail to believe in The Inerrant Word of God as per The Bible 1611. These same people would laugh if mendacious, untrustworthy, secular scientists were to “make discoveries” like Piltdown Man, the Tasaday tribe, the alien corpse at Roswell, whereas even the most Godly of Biblical Scientists can be, because of their innocence, goodness and trust, be subject to cruel atheist hoaxes e.g. Johann Beringer of Würzburg and The signature of God.

We here at Landover must therefore cover past ground as well as breaking new, so as to form an authoritative database.

Everything is proportional – we see that where human life is at stake, such things as “Extraordinary Rendition” (random Muslims being deported to a more liberal country for interrogation) is an acceptable solution.

Where the offense would be, say, one of jay-walking, a raid at 3a.m. by an Armed SWAT team and having your DNA taken from the rear in open court might be seem as a little excessive, or non-proportional.

Now in BS, we are looking at the immortal and Eternal soul and the life hereafter. What could be more important that that?

And did not God give us dominion over the animals and was that not that we might live a good and fruitful life? Well, of course it was!

Now, having been presented with the arguments, I’m sure that you see that any little scratches or grazes an animal may receive, it for the greater good and “proportional”

May I suggest that true science should know no boundaries, and to that end we have secured a few dolphins pups and Tuesday next we are due to ship them to the Mojave Desert to see if they die. The point being that if evolution worked, and these are fish that once lived on land, they should retain the wherewithal to exist quite happily in these conditions.

As True Scientists, we took the young ones so that they had not really had a chance to get used to water – so the results should be accurate, and one in the eye for evilutionists!