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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78551
    #1

    Google Claims to be GOD!

    This is beyond the pale.


    » PROOF #1

    Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified. She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.
    It gets worse.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
    • Wide-Open
      Director of European Evangelical Outreach
      A Shining Example of Christ's Love
      Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
      True Christian™
      • Nov 2007
      • 18449
      #2
      Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

      Sickening. I wonder when they'll change their name to "Goddle".

      And what's all this PageRank stuff? Who are they to decide? To JUDGE?

      There is only one PageRank that matters to us: the ranking of who's going to Heaven, and who's going to hell in a handbasket.

      Anyway... 9.5 billion? That's what the DoF processes in a single day.
      Psalm 81:10:
      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

        Comment

        • Nobar King
          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
          Christ's Guardian
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2007
          • 23748
          #3
          Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

          If she wants to be even closer to Godlike status she's going to have to get a sex change.
          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78551
              #4
              Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

              » PROOF #2

              Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent). Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.
              Their arrogance knows no bounds!!
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Wide-Open
                  Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                  A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                  Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                  True Christian™
                  • Nov 2007
                  • 18449
                  #5
                  Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

                  Coincidence? You decide.

                  [ATTACH]10150[/ATTACH]
                  Psalm 81:10:
                  I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                  open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22827
                      #6
                      Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

                      Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge...
                      "She"!!! I'm apoplectic with indignation. There must be a web page refuting this femininity - I'll look it up!
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • Osambo 08
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Sep 2008
                          • 671
                          #7
                          Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

                          It's thanks to Google that the forum is so popular. I'm pretty sure it's one of God's gifts to humanity. You can even watch free po.. Christian-friendly videos on the internet as opposed to TV.

                            Comment

                            • Rev. M. Rodimer
                              Honorary True Christian™
                              Forum Member
                              • May 2008
                              • 13996
                              #8
                              Re: Google Claims to be GOD!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              This is beyond the pale.
                              I'm pleased to report that the IT experts in charge of my church's network have already blocked access to this Cult of Googling!
                              Bible boring? Nonsense!
                              Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                              You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                Comment

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