God to Humanity - No Fatties!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

I was pondering on one of today's sermons, and yes, God does not like fatties. Before one of the lieberal Satan worshippers starting whining about how Jesus loves everyone just the same, let's look at the evidence.

First for you sinners, ignore anything you've heard about the so-called "Seven Deadly Sins". That's a catlick invention and no such list appears in the Bible (KJV1611). So what does it say in the Bible?

Ezekiel 16:49 Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters

So it's quite clear that He does not like overeating and laziness, two traits common to the obese. But as we know here at Landover Baptist, too many people discount what the Bible says because it hurts their feelings, so they claim to prefer "logic" and "reason" (though what's more logical and reasonable than trusting God's Word is beyond me). Well, let's try their game.

Are the corpulent pleasing to the eye? No. If God liked fatties, he would have made chubbiness attractive. The unpleasantness of flab alone is a strong argument, but there is more.
He kills the chunky off earlier than He does for His more fit creations. If He loved jigglers as much as the rest of us, He would let them live longer instead of striking them down with coronary embolisms and diabetes. He gave us our bodies as a gift, and if we're not going to take care of them, He will let the fury of his wrath loose on us!

The evidence is incontravertable. Lose the lard now or the Lord will kill you!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Lose the lard now or the Lord will kill you!

Now, now, now,
let's not throw the baby out with the bathsplatter

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

I was pondering on one of today's sermons, and yes, God does not like fatties. Before one of the lieberal Satan worshippers starting whining about how Jesus loves everyone just the same, let's look at the evidence.

First for you sinners, ignore anything you've heard about the so-called "Seven Deadly Sins". That's a catlick invention and no such list appears in the Bible (KJV1611). So what does it say in the Bible?

Ezekiel 16:49 Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters

So it's quite clear that He does not like overeating and laziness, two traits common to the obese. But as we know here at Landover Baptist, too many people discount what the Bible says because it hurts their feelings, so they claim to prefer "logic" and "reason" (though what's more logical and reasonable than trusting God's Word is beyond me). Well, let's try their game.

Are the corpulent pleasing to the eye? No. If God liked fatties, he would have made chubbiness attractive. The unpleasantness of flab alone is a strong argument, but there is more.
He kills the chunky off earlier than He does for His more fit creations. If He loved jigglers as much as the rest of us, He would let them live longer instead of striking them down with coronary embolisms and diabetes. He gave us our bodies as a gift, and if we're not going to take care of them, He will let the fury of his wrath loose on us!

The evidence is incontravertable. Lose the lard now or the Lord will kill you!

So then if you believe that, why is it that so many devout xtians are a touch on the rotund side?

[mollychu]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Obesity is sometimes hereditary...some people cant help being fat.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Obesity is sometimes hereditary...some people cant help being fat.

Maybe if you stopped feasting on the succulent fat of Christian babies you wouldn't be such a tubby witch.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Maybe if you stopped feasting on the succulent fat of Christian babies you wouldn't be such a tubby witch.

I see you have no answer to my previous question:

So then if you believe that, why is it that so many devout xtians are a touch on the rotund side? old

Do you?

[mollychu]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Maybe if you stopped feasting on the succulent fat of Christian babies you wouldn't be such a tubby witch.

oh, no! I'm not fat at all. actually i'm quite....skinny....-coughcough-

anyways. but thats not the point. i was just trying to stick up for obese people. fat people rule!

How can babies be Christian, anyway? Does an infant have the will to accept Jesus into it's life?

[Hitoshi]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

okay you guy are alway say American is god favorite country. Now say he is not like fat. please american. this is make NO SENSE. if god like america then he is must liking fat. god not like america then god is not for liking fatty. is so simple logic a chimpanzee understand. get with program dummy.

[mollychu]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

okay you guy are alway say American is god favorite country. Now say he is not like fat. please american. this is make NO SENSE. if god like america then he is must liking fat. god not like america then god is not for liking fatty. is so simple logic a chimpanzee understand. get with program dummy.

as much as this was hard to understand, i have to agree. America is one of the fattest countries in the world. and you guys say that this is God's favorite country, and most of the people here are fat.

I dont get it. but it may just be because im a female, right?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

okay you guy are alway say American is god favorite country. Now say he is not like fat. please american. this is make NO SENSE. if god like america then he is must liking fat. god not like america then god is not for liking fatty. is so simple logic a chimpanzee understand. get with program dummy.

Listen you little yellow monkey; just because billions of slants like you can exists on a half-cup of cold rice and a little cooked rat meat every day, it doesn't mean that God intends normal White Christians to live like that.

Personally, I swim at least 5 miles each day. Just because some of the older Pastors are big-boned, thats no reason to point fingers and be cruel.

[mollychu]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

thats no reason to point fingers and be cruel.

Oh, but its okay when you guys are cruel to the obese/fat people that ARNT "true christians", right?

[tommy]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Oh, but its okay when you guys are cruel to the obese/fat people that ARNT "true christians", right?

Of course.
Do you have problems understanding the perfection of True Christian logic?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

So then if you believe that, why is it that so many devout xtians are a touch on the rotund side?

I don't know what kind of demon worshippers these "devout xtians" are (do they claim to bow down to extra-terrestrials?), but True Christians™ live to please God and if you ever visit Landover and are able to slip by the guards and the dogs, you'll never see a more slender and fit congregation in your life, Rachel Van Hefty.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

I don't know what kind of demon worshippers these "devout xtians" are (do they claim to bow down to extra-terrestrials?), but True Christians™ live to please God and if you ever visit Landover and are able to slip by the guards and the dogs, you'll never see a more slender and fit congregation in your life, Rachel Van Hefty.

Uhh, you don't know what devout means?
And I'm hardly hefty, I'm a size 2. My BMI is just over 17. If anything I need to worry about being too thin, not the other way.

But Hitoshi's right. You said 'god loves the US'. If you believe that then you'd have to believe that the plump issue is, well, not an issue. The US is officially the fattest nation on Earth!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: God to Humanity - No Fatties!

Uhh, you don't know what devout means?
And I'm hardly hefty, I'm a size 2. My BMI is just over 17. If anything I need to worry about being too thin, not the other way.

But Hitoshi's right. You said 'god loves the US'. If you believe that then you'd have to believe that the plump issue is, well, not an issue. The US is officially the fattest nation on Earth!

Don't be obtuse, Van Halfwit. You know I know what "devout" means. I was referring to those alien-worshipping "xtians". eXtra Terrestrials. They're really demons, but try to tell those New Age hocus pocus geeks who worship them that.
And yes, God loves America. That doesn't mean He's happy with how much sin is going on. Lieberal pansies may have managed to get demoncrats into power last November, but it's the last gasp of a dying, failed philosophy. Even with those heathens controlling congress, and much of Hellyweird worshipping a dead science fiction writer, God still loves America because we are His chosen nation. Now if only all the fatties, Sodomites, lieberals, and other demon panderers would let us fulfill our true potential as a Godly nation.