[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

The American word for communist is democrat. I have never known a Democrat to have any interest in Jesus other than to smirk and scoff at Him. The very idea of a Christian communist is ridiculous.

You have been decorated by one of our wise pastors for your obvious lying. Thus, we know, as if we would ever trust a Chinaman communist anyway (much less a false Chinaman), that you are a liar. Why don't you try to change our minds by listing the name of one single communist we would recognize who follows Jesus.

Alvin, darling boy! Why do you ignore me? We used to be good friends. And, no... I cannot bring you any actual nukes. No way! Donald asked me the same thing, and he's having quite a tantrum, because I had to refuse him, as well. So, don't take this personally.

Instead, you'll be getting the Alvin & The Chipmunks CD that you love so much! How's that?!

Marshall Kim--Some of us who admire your firm leadership skills have become concerned about your health.

It appears you are just a tad overweight. Please let us know if this is true and, if so, what you intend to do about it.

Johny Boy! You were always my favorite? How's life? And I can see that you still care for the health and well-being of your fellow men! A Mayor! I'd never have guessed! And you're getting old! But. Don't. Worry.

You've been nice and I'll give you just the thing you've been craving for! I hear that your previous Dila-Therm has reached the end of its lifespan (try to be a bit more careful, I'd like to get you something else one of these years)! Ho Ho Ho!

[handmaiden]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Okay "Santa", what gives? The notion that you can see what everybody is doing at all times is ridiculous. Only Jesus can do that . . .Or possibly Satan. The Bible is a little unclear on the exact extent of Satan's powers.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Satan was able to fly Jesus up to a really tall mountain (withOUT any reindeer) and show Him all the kingdoms in the whole world (more proof that the earth is flat), Then, Satan offered Jesus His pick of the litter to own if Jesus would just worship him. Jesus refused, of course. And that just shows that Satan is the god of this world, even though God is the God of the whole universe.

Anyway, enough about that. You are clearly a con artist who couldn't deliver Trixie Belden # 40 and nobody over the age of eight--maybe nine, some kids just aren't that sophisticated--would be dumb enough to believe in you.

Jesus is the real deal. We know it because the Bible tells us so. And the Bible cannot lie, because it was written by God, who the Bible tells us cannot lie. It's as clear as 2+2=4 is the same as 1+3=4. Or something like that, I don't waste my time on a lot of complicated math.

You are the ultimate fluffy-bunny religious figure--you're even sillier than a feminist, tree-hugging, gay-rights-supporting Jesus.

So knock off the nonsense, "Santa". People need to grow up and come to Jesus--The REAL Jesus, who will come back with a sword in His mouth so He can hold the reins of a horse coming down from the sky and finally set things right by sending everyone who doesn't obey Him to a lake of fire. Compared to that, flying reindeer and a lump of coal for naughty children is a joke.

Realistically Yours,
Handmaiden

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

The American word for communist is democrat. I have never known a Democrat to have any interest in Jesus other than to smirk and scoff at Him. The very idea of a Christian communist is ridiculous.

You have been decorated by one of our wise pastors for your obvious lying. Thus, we know, as if we would ever trust a Chinaman communist anyway (much less a false Chinaman), that you are a liar. Why don't you try to change our minds by listing the name of one single communist we would recognize who follows Jesus.

Friend - Democrats are not communists, they are liberal capitalist imperialist SCUM. I am not a China man, but a Korea man. George Bernard Shaw is a famous personality who is a communist christian, however, you will likely say he is not True Christian TM, but nevertheless, he prays to a God, although you can say it is Satan the devil if you like.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Anyway, enough about that. You are clearly a con artist who couldn't deliver Trixie Belden # 40 and nobody over the age of eight--maybe nine, some kids just aren't that sophisticated--would be dumb enough to believe in you.

Handy-Dandy! You'll have to learn to ask nicely. You know, whatsoever you ask in my name, that I will give you if you're nice. Obviously, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you can always ask Jesus, too. Let's see which one delivers first!

Meanwhile, you've been a bit naughty but, still, you'll be getting the rejected Nancy Drew that no-one else got to read when it was first written!

So knock off the nonsense, "Santa". People need to grow up and come to Jesus--The REAL Jesus, who will come back with a sword in His mouth so He can hold the reins of a horse coming down from the sky and finally set things right by sending everyone who doesn't obey Him to a lake of fire. Compared to that, flying reindeer and a lump of coal for naughty children is a joke.

Realistically Yours,
Handmaiden

Yes, I remember the sword incident very well. Baby Jesus was always a bit impractical, but I have to admire the strength of his masticatory apparatus! Such a nice boy he was. He was almost as cuddly as you were, when we met in Bloomingdales all those decades ago! But I digress. Jesus was indeed impractical. Any conventional deity would just have forgiven everyone with a nice everafter. Not Jesus. He had to make schemes almost as complicated as the killing methods of villains in the James Bond movies (did you get the home video set of them in 1984?). Seriously! Nails & crosses & bed linen?

Heck, I'm in a good mood. In addition to the book, I'll throw in a blind date for you!

Polarimetrically yours
Santa

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Friend - Democrats are not communists, they are liberal capitalist imperialist SCUM. I am not a China man, but a Korea man. George Bernard Shaw is a famous personality who is a communist christian, however, you will likely say he is not True Christian TM, but nevertheless, he prays to a God, although you can say it is Satan the devil if you like.

You're so-o-o-o cute aren't you! I have a sudden urge to change your didy! Georgie boy died in 1950, btw! Actually, it was I who gave him the Nobel prize for Christmas! But you are cute! You're Santa's Little Boy, aren't you. Or course you are! My Un-Dun Baby boy! OK. You'll have a Hershey bar before you go to the camp! But. Just. One!

I deliver! Observe and learn!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Okay "Santa", what gives? The notion that you can see what everybody is doing at all times is ridiculous. Only Jesus can do that . . .Or possibly Satan. The Bible is a little unclear on the exact extent of Satan's powers.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Satan was able to fly Jesus up to a really tall mountain (withOUT any reindeer) and show Him all the kingdoms in the whole world (more proof that the earth is flat), Then, Satan offered Jesus His pick of the litter to own if Jesus would just worship him. Jesus refused, of course. And that just shows that Satan is the god of this world, even though God is the God of the whole universe.

Indeed, Sister. This Danish knock-off of a medieval Bosnian bishop has no significant powers. Dropping down a chimney while the family sleeps? That's not impressive, that's creepy. At least when Jesus watches every thing I do, He knows everything I think, too, so He knows that in my heart I'm doing the right thing even if it does result in tears or bruises on my children or husband. Santa can only see what we do, but He cannot search our hearts like a supernatural NSA, able to peek at things we hide from each other. Only Jesus can do that.

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

You're so-o-o-o cute aren't you! I have a sudden urge to change your didy! Georgie boy died in 1950, btw! Actually, it was I who gave him the Nobel prize for Christmas! But you are cute! You're Santa's Little Boy, aren't you. Or course you are! My Un-Dun Baby boy! OK. You'll have a Hershey bar before you go to the camp! But. Just. One!

I deliver! Observe and learn!

Glory to you, Santa Claus! Merry Christmas!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Indeed, Sister. This Danish knock-off of a medieval Bosnian bishop has no significant powers. Dropping down a chimney while the family sleeps? That's not impressive, that's creepy. At least when Jesus watches every thing I do, He knows everything I think, too, so He knows that in my heart I'm doing the right thing even if it does result in tears or bruises on my children or husband. Santa can only see what we do, but He cannot search our hearts like a supernatural NSA, able to peek at things we hide from each other. Only Jesus can do that.

Mary, Mary, Mary! You were my precious little Princess with your curly locks and your nice tiara of the best plastics! I got you the little lamb, remember? He followed you everywhere! I'd get you another but I have to admit that Book of Mutton Recipies was not one of my best gift ideas.

I tried looking into people's thoughts once but I did not like what I saw. Actually, I was never too much bothered by the thoughts they had, it is what they do and say that causes the grief and despair. I stopped that mind-reading. It was vanity! Desperate attempts to find out if everyone loved me! Vanity! I no longer care if people believe in me. If they are not naughty, I deliver!

But Mary! You've been nice this year! I'm sure you'll like the Jesus origami kit.



No more lambs but perhaps a goat. Be careful. It eats origami paper.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Alvin, darling boy! Why do you ignore me? We used to be good friends. And, no... I cannot bring you any actual nukes. No way!

Instead, you'll be getting the Alvin & The Chipmunks CD

That is a violation of my rights under the Second Amendment of the Constitution. That is un-American. Further, I am uninterested in your pathetic bribe offer. I don't care for Alvin and The Chipmunks and I probably shouldn't be trying to communicate with some kind of demon anyway.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

That is a violation of my rights under the Second Amendment of the Constitution. That is un-American. Further, I am uninterested in your pathetic bribe offer. I don't care for Alvin and The Chipmunks and I probably shouldn't be trying to communicate with some kind of demon anyway.

Ho Ho Ho!

Aren't you adorable when you're angry! I try not to provoke the children to anger or they will be discouraged. Why oh why do the kids rage and imagine vain things? Your interest in nuclear physics must be encouraged, not dismissed. I remember very well that Jesus never fancied the Little Scientist Kit I got him in 5 CE, although it had all the best stuff: the Antikythera device construction manual, an astrolabe and even Heron's aeolipile! Probably too much bronze parts for that family who mostly tried to get wood. It's so cute to see kids playing with their lab toys.

OK, I deliver. You can expect one of these in your little pink stocking (the second from the left) on Christmas morning, darling boy!



My good friend from this forum, the young Mr. Un Undy-Dundyboy also got one from me a few years ago and he's still going ballistic with it (he still thinks it's the real deal)! Have fun, Alvin and Merry Christmas!! HO HO HO!!!

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Ho Ho Ho!

Aren't you adorable when you're angry! I try not to provoke the children to anger or they will be discouraged. Why oh why do the kids rage and imagine vain things? Your interest in nuclear physics must be encouraged, not dismissed. I remember very well that Jesus never fancied the Little Scientist Kit I got him in 5 CE, although it had all the best stuff: the Antikythera device construction manual, an astrolabe and even Heron's aeolipile! Probably too much bronze parts for that family who mostly tried to get wood. It's so cute to see kids playing with their lab toys.

OK, I deliver. You can expect one of these in your little pink stocking (the second from the left) on Christmas morning, darling boy!



My good friend from this forum, the young Mr. Un Undy-Dundyboy also got one from me a few years ago and he's still going ballistic with it (he still thinks it's the real deal)! Have fun, Alvin and Merry Christmas!! HO HO HO!!!

It... isn't? How will I defend my country from U.S. imperialism?

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

It... isn't? How will I defend my country from U.S. imperialism?

Ho Ho HO!

What do you think I've been distributing to the U.S. leaders for the past 70 years? My ways are equal and I will judge, what the most suitable gift is according to the ways of each and everyone. There have been quite a few naughty leaders in the West, as well! I deliver but I do not always deliver what the recipient asks for!



Let's make this the Best Christmas EVER!

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Ho Ho HO!

What do you think I've been distributing to the U.S. leaders for the past 70 years? My ways are equal and I will judge, what the most suitable gift is according to the ways of each and everyone. There have been quite a few naughty leaders in the West, as well! I deliver but I do not always deliver what the recipient asks for!



Let's make this the Best Christmas EVER!

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Un, my child! Take this as a lesson, the lesson that Jesus never learned, when I tried to show him how to be nice with some well-chosen gifts. He was too high on the sword in his mouth and the army of two-hundred-million-something angels to purge the land of those who were sometimes nice but did not have the faith. He is nothing without the faith, you know, he would simply vanish in a puff of logic.

I do not care of the faith. You don't have to shout out that you believe in fairies and clap your hands to make me real. I deliver. I deliver toys to kids. You and Jesus deliver kids to war zones. I deliver Power Rangers and Teenage Turtles to boys. You and Jesus deliver boys to the front. I deliver Ponies and in an increasing number Power Rangers to girls. You and Jesus deliver girls to exhausting labor in the fields and to childbearing to save them, and in an increasing number to the front.

The kids treat the toys as if they were real atomic bombs, and you and your kind treat atomic bombs as if they were toys. You still live. You can still be nice and get the sweetest Swiss chocolate that I can deliver. Jesus is no longer here to answer for the stuff done in his name. I like you more. I'll give you an extra lollipop this year.

I also give you this song

...ho ho ho...

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Un, my child! Take this as a lesson, the lesson that Jesus never learned, when I tried to show him how to be nice with some well-chosen gifts. He was too high on the sword in his mouth and the army of two-hundred-million-something angels to purge the land of those who were sometimes nice but did not have the faith. He is nothing without the faith, you know, he would simply vanish in a puff of logic.

I do not care of the faith. You don't have to shout out that you believe in fairies and clap your hands to make me real. I deliver. I deliver toys to kids. You and Jesus deliver kids to war zones. I deliver Power Rangers and Teenage Turtles to boys. You and Jesus deliver boys to the front. I deliver Ponies and in an increasing number Power Rangers to girls. You and Jesus deliver girls to exhausting labor in the fields and to childbearing to save them, and in an increasing number to the front.

The kids treat the toys as if they were real atomic bombs, and you and your kind treat atomic bombs as if they were toys. You still live. You can still be nice and get the sweetest Swiss chocolate that I can deliver. Jesus is no longer here to answer for the stuff done in his name. I like you more. I'll give you an extra lollipop this year.

Perhaps that diabetes has affected your ancient brain, Santa dear, because you're confused. Jesus doesn't need people to shout their belief. He can see right straight into our hearts and know for sure whether or not we have faith (Jeremiah 17:10). This benefits those people who are too shy to shout out loud, or who have lost their tongues in accidents. Of course it backfires on those people who do shout out their faith but in their heart of hearts their love for Jesus is mercenary only.

In any case, your offer to pay the higher reward for affection won't work here, dear. Jesus has been working miracles for dozens of centuries, everything from bringing people back from the dead to feeding a stadium sized crowd out of a lunchbox to razing a city with simple band instruments. Think about it, dear. Ancient city walls don't fall with trumpets. Jericho was an inside job. That's power. To give your love and devotion to Jesus is to share that power (John 14:12). To give your love and devotion to Santa is to become one of those weird middle aged ladies who wears festive shirts adorned with birds or cats, bordered by flowers or snowflakes, and ribbons with just enough glitter and bling to catch your eye and make you squint with concentration as your mind wrestles with the impulse to figure out the riddle and at the same time save itself from such an hideous image.