[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Hello Santa,

I am glad you also serve the other -men. I must confess though that I am quite a bit down the list, to the point where two letters are needed.

I do like pasta and I like the pretty colours! Then I noticed the eyes and realized these are actually Danger Noodles. I submit that they serve their purpose in this world (and sometimes not) but I´dd rather keep them at some distance.

Kind regards,

Roland

I think the Jaeger went to your brain, old man. I wanted an electric train, a space ship, and a replacement etch a sketch. Instead, under my tree, I have some plastic horse teeth, a my little pony, and a 7 pack of Hanes briefs. I am relying on Jesus from this point forward.

This is an automated reply. Santa is on vacation until December 1 2017. Regarding customer complaints and returns, Santa is proud to introduce a 'goodwill' returns policy, especially at Christmas. All properly filled complaint forms can and will be assessed if returned in person to the North Pole Central office by 2 January 2017. Only personally signed petitions in triplicate will be considered.

Santa thanks all participants of this forum for their interest is his policy of good delivery and he's looking forward to meeting you all again next year.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Pony Boy!

It has come to my attention that - unlike I thought previously - the thing that you are referring to and that everybody seems to want is actually not a small village in Newfoundland but a motorized plastic object. Thus, it would indeed have been within my expertise!

As it turned out, your Pastor Zekie-Diekie, that darling boy requested seven times seventy for his basic biblical anatomy class and I am out of stock. I am sure that if you ask your pastor, he'll deliver.

I'm off to vacation soon! Be nice! Ho ho ho!

I think the Jaeger went to your brain, old man. I wanted an electric train, a space ship, and a replacement etch a sketch. Instead, under my tree, I have some plastic horse teeth, a my little pony, and a 7 pack of Hanes briefs. I am relying on Jesus from this point forward.

[Roland]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

[...]
Ronnie, my boy! You already have the eye patch. Did you receive the wonderful pasta dough necklace that I just delivered? You love it, don't you! I'll be with you always, even unto the end of the world. You don't have to be A-men, I also deliver to B-men! Ho ho ho!



[...]

Hello Santa,

I am glad you also serve the other -men. I must confess though that I am quite a bit down the list, to the point where two letters are needed.

I do like pasta and I like the pretty colours! Then I noticed the eyes and realized these are actually Danger Noodles. I submit that they serve their purpose in this world (and sometimes not) but I´dd rather keep them at some distance.



Kind regards,

Roland

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Dear Santa:
I see your sleigh on the building down the street so I know you haven't got here yet. There is still time to leave me a few more small trinkets to show that you are real and care about me.

1. When I was 7, I asked you for something that you didn't bring. It was long, made noise when you turned it on, and I could play with it for hours. You should know what it is.
2. At the age of 8, you promised to bring me this cylindrical object that would take me to the moon and back. Instead, you brought me a plastic Jeep and the tires fell off after just a few uses.
5. The Etch a Sketch also broke when Sister Irene Peter threw it out the classroom window during Catechism class. I wouldn't mind a replacement; I could use it to take notes in my PhD program.

I left the Jaeger and Red Bull as you requested but please don't drive drunk. I will be sleeping in my bed just down the hallway to the left. Alone, defenseless, and vulnerable.

Merry Merry Christmas, you Jolly Old Elf!
LarBear

Pony Boy!

It has come to my attention that - unlike I thought previously - the thing that you are referring to and that everybody seems to want is actually not a small village in Newfoundland but a motorized plastic object. Thus, it would indeed have been within my expertise!

As it turned out, your Pastor Zekie-Diekie, that darling boy requested seven times seventy for his basic biblical anatomy class and I am out of stock. I am sure that if you ask your pastor, he'll deliver.

I'm off to vacation soon! Be nice! Ho ho ho!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Dear Santa:
I see your sleigh on the building down the street so I know you haven't got here yet. There is still time to leave me a few more small trinkets to show that you are real and care about me.


1. When I was 7, I asked you for something that you didn't bring. It was long, made noise when you turned it on, and I could play with it for hours. You should know what it is.
2. At the age of 8, you promised to bring me this cylindrical object that would take me to the moon and back. Instead, you brought me a plastic Jeep and the tires fell off after just a few uses.
5. The Etch a Sketch also broke when Sister Irene Peter threw it out the classroom window during Catechism class. I wouldn't mind a replacement; I could use it to take notes in my PhD program.


I left the Jaeger and Red Bull as you requested but please don't drive drunk. I will be sleeping in my bed just down the hallway to the left. Alone, defenseless, and vulnerable.


Merry Merry Christmas, you Jolly Old Elf!
LarBear

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)

Kim-Dim-Dim! Yum-Yum is sauce in a plastic bottle. Only after your fat camp, darling!

Hello Kim,

As you seem to like fine (or exotic) foods, perhaps you could share them in the Basic recipe thread. It would be a shame to let your expertise go to waste.

Kind regards,

Roland

Ronnie, my boy! You already have the eye patch. Did you receive the wonderful pasta dough necklace that I just delivered? You love it, don't you! I'll be with you always, even unto the end of the world. You don't have to be A-men, I also deliver to B-men! Ho ho ho!

Hmmm . . . "Yum-Yum" could be a different sort of ironic name, and I do have an odd sense of humor...
Contemplatively Yours,
Handmaiden

Maidy-Daidy, my girliegirl. I'm very (very) busy at the moment, as your pastor Zeke had some booby-traps down his chimney, all of course disarmed now. He also had 7 dozen stockings in case I made it through the boobies. I filled all his socks, as I always deliver and not into chains of darkness unlike some people I know! Yum-Yum is sauce in a plastic bottle. I delivered one in your stocking a few moment ago. It has cinnamon, so it is not safe for dogs. Do not give it to your puppy!

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Dear Santa,

Look, you fat a_$( $$&))@)@&^^$^$ I am a certified equine gnathologist who has passed a veterinary quiz and in my first term of PhD schoolery. I deserve some respect. Perhaps you didn't notice that Jesus asked ME to take care of his horses when he responded to my post. He might have been a little condescending in His tone, but He IS God's Son, after all. You aren't.

I'll be waiting on your sincere apology.

Plastic sucks.

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

Pony Boy, such a lovely, funny boy! You never grew out of your tiny sweet tantrums, did you? Santa will always love you. Everything is forgiven. Even your flattery and the whole boast shall be forgiven unto (wo)men. Look, see, Poby Boy, I can also make fun emojis with the funny characters that no-one needs for actual writing: ¤#%&%=?)[]]{½! Isn't it fun!?

I'll deliver you something that will help you reconsider your plastic position. Look, see, some plastic horse teeth for your studies! Ho ho ho!

[handmaiden]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)

Hmmm . . . "Yum-Yum" could be a different sort of ironic name, and I do have an odd sense of humor. . .


Contemplatively Yours,
Handmaiden

[Roland]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)

Hello Kim,

As you seem to like fine (or exotic) foods, perhaps you could share them in the Basic recipe thread. It would be a shame to let your expertise go to waste.

Kind regards,

Roland

[BrotherLarry]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Dear Santa,


Look, you fat a_$( $$&))@)@&^^$^$ I am a certified equine gnathologist who has passed a veterinary quiz and in my first term of PhD schoolery. I deserve some respect. Perhaps you didn't notice that Jesus asked ME to take care of his horses when he responded to my post. He might have been a little condescending in His tone, but He IS God's Son, after all. You aren't.


I'll be waiting on your sincere apology.


Plastic sucks.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Handels-Dandels,

I have always delivered the plastics, I shall always do that to you. Your trust issues can probably be dealt with a nice comfy organic puppy.



Don't let Un-boy dogsit her, though! Ho ho ho!

Do not listen to him! I will a very reliable dogsitter! You can guarantee that I will not be steal your puppy and take him to be turn into delicious dog-steak (yum yum!)

[Marshal Kim Jong-un]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Undels-Dundels, my boy! At my age you're not sure if your pants are wet or dry or if you just remembered to close your fly. Ho ho ho! OK, my "jelly baby" has not exploded for decades. Ho Ho HO!!!

Friend, I am not understand what you is thing I will talking about, however, it is traditional to sacrifice a baby to Satan because for a black mass. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nhBqntL0f4

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Well, of course she's organic! She can't very well be a synthetic polymer. She is a real dog right? You're not trying to pawn me off with some weird Japanese robo-pet?

This changes nothing for me but my shopping list. Now I have to find premium grain-free dog food, a custom engraved name tag, (should I go for obvious cute, like "Fluffy" or ironic, like "Fang" or "Killer") then there's the velveteen bed, squeaky toys . . . The stores will be crazy on Christmas Eve.

You know, when Jesus gave me the gift of eternal salvation, He only required me to witness on His behalf. I wasn't expected to feed and walk everyone I talked into believing in Him. . . She'll need a bow, pink or purple . . . satin is prettier, but grosgrain is more durable . . .Ooh, a taffeta plaid for Christmas. . .

Preoccupiedly Yours,
Handmaiden

Dear Handy-Girl! You're so nice! I'll deliver some plastic things to you. Apparently many puppy owners find these nice and handy! You'll need them when you go without with a dog.

[Santa Claus]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

My friend reckons that won't be enough to get him through to next Christmas. He asked me to ask you if you could perhaps throw in an extra couple of packs. And could you make sure it's the 25 mg, not the 100mg? Last year's gift ended in a trip to the emergency department.

Ally-Dally, Believe me, I know this product intimately. You're supposed to take 1 x 100 mg pill and not 4 x, not like the way you did with the 25 mg. The ER staff have been nice and I'll be delivering them plenty of plastic disposable syringes for Christmas. Ho ho ho and everyone will be OK.

[handmaiden]

Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

Handels-Dandels,

I have always delivered the plastics, I shall always do that to you. Your trust issues can probably be dealt with a nice comfy organic puppy.



Don't let Un-boy dogsit her, though! Ho ho ho!

Well, of course she's organic! She can't very well be a synthetic polymer. She is a real dog right? You're not trying to pawn me off with some weird Japanese robo-pet?


This changes nothing for me but my shopping list. Now I have to find premium grain-free dog food, a custom engraved name tag, (should I go for obvious cute, like "Fluffy" or ironic, like "Fang" or "Killer") then there's the velveteen bed, squeaky toys . . . The stores will be crazy on Christmas Eve.


You know, when Jesus gave me the gift of eternal salvation, He only required me to witness on His behalf. I wasn't expected to feed and walk everyone I talked into believing in Him. . . She'll need a bow, pink or purple . . . satin is prettier, but grosgrain is more durable . . .Ooh, a taffeta plaid for Christmas. . .


Preoccupiedly Yours,
Handmaiden