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As you all know, we're rapidly approaching the time of year when we celebrate the Death of Christ. But Easter isn't the only festival celebrated around this time of year: this is also the time when the crazed Christ-killing hebesteins celebrate God freeing their ancestors from Egypt. I'm sure we're all familiar with the story, but it does bear repeating, to bring out certain neglected aspects:
Exodus 7
1 And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.
2 Thou shalt speak all that I command thee: and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he send the children of Israel out of his land.
3 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.
4 But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.
5 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of Israel from among them.
So, God tells Moses and Aaron to go tell Pharoah to let their people go, and drops in a passing reference to hardening Pharaoah's heart. What does that mean? We'll see...
10 And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
11 Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.
12 For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.
13 And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
14 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh's heart is hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
So, Aaron's rod changes into a snake, then Pharoah's pet wiccans change their rods into snakes, but Aaron's rod/snake eats the other men's rod/snakes. Pretty much par for the course, but then something interesting happens: Pharaoh is understandably impressed by this, but God changes his (Pharaoh's) mind and stops him letting them go. What are the consequences of this? Read on...
20 And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.
21 And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
All the rivers in Egypt turned to blood, and all the fish died.
Exodus 8
5 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt.
6 And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.
7 And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.
So God made Aaron cover Egypt with frogs (the animals, not the surrender monkeys.) Then Pharaoh's pet wiccans brought up more frogs to try and one-up them, which can't have made them very popular with their fellow Egyptians.
16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
17 And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
18 And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
So Aaron and GOD changed all the dust into Egypt into lice, and the magicians tried to use their satanic spells to summon more lice, but they failed. Turning rods into snakes and summoning frogs is one thing, but only GOD can make lice.
24 And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants' houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.
Flies, you know the drill.
Exodus 9
4 And the LORD shall sever between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children's of Israel.
5 And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, To morrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land.
6 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died: but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.
So the LORD creates selective foot-and-mouth to ethnically cleanse the heathen cattle.
8 And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.
9 And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.
10 And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.
11 And the magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the boil was upon the magicians, and upon all the Egyptians.
12 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.
So He smote the Egyptians with boils and blains until they were so herpes-ridden that they resembled Lilith. Once again, however, GOD hardened Pharaoh's heart.
22 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt.
23 And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt.
24 So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.
25 And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast; and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.
Pestilience and fire and hail. This was the first recorded incident of GOD deciding to rain fiery death on the Middle East, but it's by no means the last! Praise!
12 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.
13 And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
14 And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.
15 For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
Now, despite the hail having destroyed pretty much all the plants in Egypt, God sent locusts to eat whatever was left. You'd think they could just eat the locusts instead, but this was before GOD had officially placed locusts on the list of good snacks in Leviticus 11:22, so there may have been some ambiguity about whether they were edible.
19 And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.
20 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
God sends a strong wind to blow the locusts (but nothing else) into the sea, then hardens Pharaoh's heart yet again.
22 And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:
23 They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
Darkness. Fortunately, this all happened before Satan had invented goths, otherwise they'd have been loving it.
27 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
Yet more heart-hardening.
Exodus 11
1 And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.
2 Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.
God gets bored of playing around, and decides to bring out the big guns. Before He does so, though, He advises the Israelites to twoc as much of their neighbours' jewellery as humanly possible, thus beginning a long tradition of magpie-like behaviour among the Jews.
Exodus 12
29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.
There's 28 verses of messing about with lamb's blood that I've missed out, but basically the important thing is that GOD kills all the firstborn children in Egypt, and this convinces Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But wouldn't it be possible for him to let the Israelites go earlier? Yes, but God knew that, if Pharaoh did that, then GOD wouldn't get to show off how awesome His child-killing skills are, so He had to deliberately intervene to change Pharaoh's mind, just so He could justify massacring children. And there are people out there who think He wouldn't send babies to Hell!
And that's the story of Passover, or at least part of it. Feel free to add your thoughts.
Yours In Christ,
Temperance.
Exodus 7
1 And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.
2 Thou shalt speak all that I command thee: and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he send the children of Israel out of his land.
3 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.
4 But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.
5 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of Israel from among them.
So, God tells Moses and Aaron to go tell Pharoah to let their people go, and drops in a passing reference to hardening Pharaoah's heart. What does that mean? We'll see...
10 And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.
11 Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.
12 For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.
13 And he hardened Pharaoh's heart, that he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.
14 And the LORD said unto Moses, Pharaoh's heart is hardened, he refuseth to let the people go.
So, Aaron's rod changes into a snake, then Pharoah's pet wiccans change their rods into snakes, but Aaron's rod/snake eats the other men's rod/snakes. Pretty much par for the course, but then something interesting happens: Pharaoh is understandably impressed by this, but God changes his (Pharaoh's) mind and stops him letting them go. What are the consequences of this? Read on...
20 And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.
21 And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.
All the rivers in Egypt turned to blood, and all the fish died.
Exodus 8
5 And the LORD spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt.
6 And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frogs came up, and covered the land of Egypt.
7 And the magicians did so with their enchantments, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt.
So God made Aaron cover Egypt with frogs (the animals, not the surrender monkeys.) Then Pharaoh's pet wiccans brought up more frogs to try and one-up them, which can't have made them very popular with their fellow Egyptians.
16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
17 And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
18 And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
So Aaron and GOD changed all the dust into Egypt into lice, and the magicians tried to use their satanic spells to summon more lice, but they failed. Turning rods into snakes and summoning frogs is one thing, but only GOD can make lice.
24 And the LORD did so; and there came a grievous swarm of flies into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants' houses, and into all the land of Egypt: the land was corrupted by reason of the swarm of flies.
Flies, you know the drill.
Exodus 9
4 And the LORD shall sever between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt: and there shall nothing die of all that is the children's of Israel.
5 And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, To morrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land.
6 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died: but of the cattle of the children of Israel died not one.
So the LORD creates selective foot-and-mouth to ethnically cleanse the heathen cattle.
8 And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.
9 And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt.
10 And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.
11 And the magicians could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the boil was upon the magicians, and upon all the Egyptians.
12 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had spoken unto Moses.
So He smote the Egyptians with boils and blains until they were so herpes-ridden that they resembled Lilith. Once again, however, GOD hardened Pharaoh's heart.
22 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt.
23 And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt.
24 So there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation.
25 And the hail smote throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast; and the hail smote every herb of the field, and brake every tree of the field.
Pestilience and fire and hail. This was the first recorded incident of GOD deciding to rain fiery death on the Middle East, but it's by no means the last! Praise!
12 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.
13 And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.
14 And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.
15 For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.
Now, despite the hail having destroyed pretty much all the plants in Egypt, God sent locusts to eat whatever was left. You'd think they could just eat the locusts instead, but this was before GOD had officially placed locusts on the list of good snacks in Leviticus 11:22, so there may have been some ambiguity about whether they were edible.
19 And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.
20 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.
God sends a strong wind to blow the locusts (but nothing else) into the sea, then hardens Pharaoh's heart yet again.
22 And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:
23 They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.
Darkness. Fortunately, this all happened before Satan had invented goths, otherwise they'd have been loving it.
27 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.
Yet more heart-hardening.
Exodus 11
1 And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.
2 Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.
God gets bored of playing around, and decides to bring out the big guns. Before He does so, though, He advises the Israelites to twoc as much of their neighbours' jewellery as humanly possible, thus beginning a long tradition of magpie-like behaviour among the Jews.
Exodus 12
29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.
There's 28 verses of messing about with lamb's blood that I've missed out, but basically the important thing is that GOD kills all the firstborn children in Egypt, and this convinces Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But wouldn't it be possible for him to let the Israelites go earlier? Yes, but God knew that, if Pharaoh did that, then GOD wouldn't get to show off how awesome His child-killing skills are, so He had to deliberately intervene to change Pharaoh's mind, just so He could justify massacring children. And there are people out there who think He wouldn't send babies to Hell!
And that's the story of Passover, or at least part of it. Feel free to add your thoughts.
Yours In Christ,
Temperance.
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