I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

[John Creeser]

I...I have no excuse, it just happened. I was having a dream Abigail and I were preparing for another soldier for Christ....and upon waking, I was ejecting seed So in keeping with Deuteronomy 23:10-11, I am leaving town for the day as scripture demands.

If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp: but it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.

The good news is I acted quickly to avoid Onan's fate (Genesis 38:9-10). I scooped up what I could and Abigail happily received it (although that was a bit of an awkward chore). So who knows, God willing, there will be another addition to the Creeser household (even though the secularist doctors are convinced another pregnancy at Abigails age would probably result in her death).

Anywho, sorry Niles, I have to cancel the lawn darts today. When the sun starts setting, I'll wash up in the river and be back for a late supper.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

I...I have no excuse, it just happened. I was having a dream Abigail and I were preparing for another soldier for Christ....and upon waking, I was ejecting seed So in keeping with Deuteronomy 23:10-11, I am leaving town for the day as scripture demands.



The good news is I acted quickly to avoid Onan's fate (Genesis 38:9-10). I scooped up what I could and Abigail happily received it (although that was a bit of an awkward chore). So who knows, God willing, there will be another addition to the Creeser household (even though the secularist doctors are convinced another pregnancy at Abigails age would probably result in her death).

Anywho, sorry Niles, I have to cancel the lawn darts today. When the sun starts setting, I'll wash up in the river and be back for a late supper.

This is sad news indeed (you being three ahead at darts, not withstanding).

I do need to ask. Is Abigail attending to her duties as a proper wife should?

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee .

I know for a fact you desire children because Jesus tells us to by fruitful.

Genesis 9:7 And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.

Is Abigail on the turn? Should you be thinking of a younger, more Christian woman of the female persuasion to prevent such 'accidents' from happening again?

It may seem harsh putting her to one side but if she cannot fulfill her one role in life (John 16:21) it probably because she is fornicating else where and this is grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32).

Even worse, Jesus tells us that fornicators are destined for the Lake of Fire.

Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

I do hope either Abigail mends her ways, or dies and goes to Hell so you can marry some one younger and more Christian as I would hate to not be able to catch you up at darts.

All the best Brother.

YIC

[John Creeser]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

I hope this message finds you, I'm just on the outskirts of Freehold sitting in the woods.

You raise valid points, Brother. While she is obedient and submits to my will (Colossians 3:18, 1st Corinthians) if she doesn't produce a child, what's the point of keeping her around?

I doubt Abigail is committing adultery, like I said it was quite the chore getting her to receive my seed. What do the kids say these days "drier than a popcorn fart".

I know I am still able to produce seed (as I found out last night) but without a childbearing wife....kind of makes me useless too. Well, lets hope the secular doctors are right and she expires in childbirth, then I'm good to find a fertile female!!

Romans 7:2-3

How old is your daughter again?

***this message sent using JesOS Roaming Rapture app(tm).

[Attila's Wife]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

May I respectfully ask that this thread be moved to the Men Only forum? There are young unmarried women here who might be traumatized by such graphic descriptions. (And if Abigail doesn't survive, Brother John might want to marry one of them.)

YiC
AW

[John Creeser]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

May I respectfully ask that this thread be moved to the Men Only forum? There are young unmarried women here who might be traumatized by such graphic descriptions. (And if Abigail doesn't survive, Brother John might want to marry one of them.)

YiC
AW

Sorry Sister, but teaching the Word of God™ is for all to hear, however uncomfortable that may be.

BTW, isn't it lunch time? How come you are not making sandwiches?

***this message sent using JesOS Roaming Rapture app™.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

Praying for you, Brother John

[Attila's Wife]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

Sorry Sister, but teaching the Word of God™ is for all to hear, however uncomfortable that may be..

I stand rebuked, Brother. Even though you are currently unclean (and I am praying for you) I defer to you as Our Lord commands.

BTW, isn't it lunch time? How come you are not making sandwiches?

Don't worry, it was supper time in Godless England and I managed to post just before serving up. But it's a scandal that you're prepared to accept sandwiches as an adequate lunch for a True Christian(TM) man! We all know Abigail has her faults, but I'd always assumed they were entirely physical. You deserve better, Brother.

Yours in True Christian™ platonic love,
AW

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

Anywho, sorry Niles, I have to cancel the lawn darts today. When the sun starts setting, I'll wash up in the river and be back for a late supper.

Thanks for warning us, Brother John. I will tell my girls not to swim in the river tomorrow, lest they get pregnant.

[Nobar King]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

At least it didn't happen to you IN CHURCH!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

...I doubt Abigail is committing adultery, like I said it was quite the chore getting her to receive my seed. What do the kids say these days "drier than a popcorn fart".

I know I am still able to produce seed (as I found out last night) but without a childbearing wife....kind of makes me useless too. Well, lets hope the secular doctors are right and she expires in childbirth, then I'm good to find a fertile female!!

Dear Brother,

Thank you for sharing this painful matter. Your behaviour since the accident has been exemplary, but I would still suggest that you consult a senior pastor on some issues. I humbly suggest this as a True Christian™ brother to another and I hope you won't be offended.

1. The issue of consulting a secular doctor. Are you really sure you can strust their advice?! Let us remember King Asa!

2 Chronicles 16:12-13. And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians. And Asa slept with his fathers, and died in the one and fortieth year of his reign.

You really cannot trust their judgment. King Asa did and he died and I have heard the personal testimonies of several people, whose family members consulted secular doctors but died eventually. I also read stories of several people who have died in the end after consulting godless doctor often years earlier. Of course, we do hope they are right in this case, but let's be suspicious. Ask a senior pastor.


Here's a picture of King Asa. Of course, he had a disease of the foot.


2. You might also consider discussing the question of marital duties with a senior pastor. If your body spills its seed in a wanton manner, it is inevitable that Mrs. Creeser has neglected to perform her marital duties in an adequate manner. Thanks to your quick wits most of the sperm spilled was rescued but inevitably some of it must have been absorbed by the fibers of your bed linen. These sperm cells never had the chance to compete in order to become future soldiers for Christ. Christ weeps and, unfortunately, Mrs. Creeser has become a murderer. I know this is painful.

Or course, I will pray for your wife to perish and for the countless sperm cells lost forever. I also pray for the possible future child to survive and not be cast into HELL before it has the wits to REPENT and be SAVED.

However, Brother, your beautiful soul shines brightly through this unfortunate event in your immaculate honesty. Only a True Christian™ man of the HIGHEST quality would have the courage to share this with us.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Jedediah]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

I scooped up what I could and Abigail happily received it (although that was a bit of an awkward chore)

Your attendance to doctrine is commendable. We are truly a righteous congregation. I have found it helpful to keep a few mid-size turkey basters in the bedside table. Untold millions of precious sperm children have been sent on their way to my wife's womb in this fashion.

Sometimes during our our annual lovemaking/conception session, seed will spill to the side of the womb. The basters are great for sucking it up and putting the seed where it belongs. One year, I couldn't maintain an erection at all with my wife, so I printed out some pictures of Ronald Reagan, listened to a few of his greatest speeches, and conceived directly into the turkey baster while watching footage of the Berlin Wall tumbling down like the walls of Jericho. I rushed over to my waiting wife, and filled her womb with enough seed to glaze a 12-lb hen. Nine months later, the LORD blessed us with young Malachi. The trick is to get it in there before it has a chance to cool off.

In Christ.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

YI rushed over to my waiting wife, and filled her womb with enough seed to glaze a 12-lb hen. Nine months later, the LORD blessed us with young Malachi. The trick is to get it in there before it has a chance to cool off.

Oh. So much for my plans.

On a completely unrelated note I'm selling many gallons of paint. Or whitewash. Indoor only, I don't think it will stand up to being rained on.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: I'll be out of Freehold today, I had a "wet" dream.

I'm selling many gallons of paint. Or whitewash. Indoor only, I don't think it will stand up to being rained on.

How many baster-fulls would you guess? (Or no need to guess if you have the records).