Please pray my five sons aren't gay

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Since their mother exhibited disobedience this past weekend, I have worried that she opened the door for demonic oppression in our home. I have seen homosexual demons try to rush in when women disobey, and I pray that my sons will be held in the arms of Jesus as He protects them from the sins of Liberace and most college fraternities.

Won't you pray for them, too? I will stone them if I must, but I'd like to see if Jesus will give me a sign that they are still real men. Please keep Blake, Franklin, Austin, Daniel, Mansfield Jr. and the son in the oven in your prayers. Bless you.

[Desmond The MoonBear]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

If you wish to stone five innocent people merely for the person they love then it is not they who are bad people, but you. Jesus said to love thy neighbor, I am surprised at how many people skip that one.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

If you wish to stone five innocent people merely for the person they love then it is not they who are bad people, but you. Jesus said to love thy neighbor, I am surprised at how many people skip that one.

I'm surprised by how many people skip the rest of the Bible.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

...Jesus said to love thy neighbor...

Jesus also specified who He meant by "neighbour", and it wasn't everyone: Bible Answers: Who are our neighbors? Who are our brothers and sisters? Who are we to love?

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

If God had meant everyone, he would have said "everyone". He didn't, He specifically used the word "neighbour". For good reason.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

I am especially worried of the yet unborn son - he's in such an impressionable age. My prayers with all of them!

Yours,

Elmer

[Godfly]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

I've seen your sons. I think it's too late.

[Brother Helge]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

Since their mother exhibited disobedience this past weekend, I have worried that she opened the door for demonic oppression in our home. I have seen homosexual demons try to rush in when women disobey, and I pray that my sons will be held in the arms of Jesus as He protects them from the sins of Liberace and most college fraternities.

Won't you pray for them, too? I will stone them if I must, but I'd like to see if Jesus will give me a sign that they are still real men. Please keep Blake, Franklin, Austin, Daniel, Mansfield Jr. and the son in the oven in your prayers. Bless you.

Demons are known to enter the body through the anus.


I think you should inspect your sons anuses every night before they go to bed for the next 3 months.
You may have to use a finger or a tool to really make sure.


I will pray for you and your sons.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

Brother Mansfield:
While I'll pray for hours on end for your sons because of your wife's selfish behaviour, I believe further action has to be taken. Drop into the Freehold and get your sons private excorsisms with Pastor Ezekiel, they last two hours each and do wonders.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

You will probably be aided by this patented "Gaydar Meter". As you will see the needle is quietly settled at "Normal". However, should there be a "gay" within 10 yards, the meter will start to react:

Also works for the unborn child.

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

Brother Bathfire,

Are you certain this meter works properly? It was exhibiting unusually high reactions when I sat close to it. Surely there needs to be some calibration of the instrument or something.

However: according to Pastor, my sons are completely heterosexual. I am pleased that my eldest, Blake, has a new mentor from Pacifica, a man he calls "FM." This True Christian(TM) man has been chatting online with Blake, showing him the ways that a young boy can get closer to God. As a father, I am grateful that this person reinforces the Godly, masculine example that I have always beaten into my son. (He can take the belt buckle I bought at a medical convention in Texas on his bare behind without wincing, now! I wept the first time it happened).

But again, Brother Bathfire - I urge you to check that meter - lest you make a false diagnosis and someone is bashed without good cause.

Yours in Our Savior,
Doc

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

The meter works very well on my tablet. It is morning here, I was watching this thread and the gaymeter remaind passive. Suddenly it took a wild leap, I looked out of the window and, behold, there were two obviously homersexualistic male finches pecking at something.

My reliable Winchester took care of that. No more pulsating hops from that pointer! 1 Samuel 26:20.

Off to a long and fulfilling day of prayer and church.

Yours in Christ

Elmer

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

Brother Bathfire,

Are you certain this meter works properly? It was exhibiting unusually high reactions when I sat close to it. Surely there needs to be some calibration of the instrument or something.

However: according to Pastor, my sons are completely heterosexual. I am pleased that my eldest, Blake, has a new mentor from Pacifica, a man he calls "FM." This True Christian™ man has been chatting online with Blake, showing him the ways that a young boy can get closer to God. As a father, I am grateful that this person reinforces the Godly, masculine example that I have always beaten into my son. (He can take the belt buckle I bought at a medical convention in Texas on his bare behind without wincing, now! I wept the first time it happened).

But again, Brother Bathfire - I urge you to check that meter - lest you make a false diagnosis and someone is bashed without good cause.

Yours in Our Savior,
Doc

This meter indeed works, it remained passive the entire time for me. It must be because there is in fact a queer in your house!

[Godfly]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

Brother Bathfire,

Are you certain this meter works properly? It was exhibiting unusually high reactions when I sat close to it. Surely there needs to be some calibration of the instrument or something.

However: according to Pastor, my sons are completely heterosexual. I am pleased that my eldest, Blake, has a new mentor from Pacifica, a man he calls "FM." This True Christian™ man has been chatting online with Blake, showing him the ways that a young boy can get closer to God. As a father, I am grateful that this person reinforces the Godly, masculine example that I have always beaten into my son. (He can take the belt buckle I bought at a medical convention in Texas on his bare behind without wincing, now! I wept the first time it happened).

But again, Brother Bathfire - I urge you to check that meter - lest you make a false diagnosis and someone is bashed without good cause.

Yours in Our Savior,
Doc

It might be you have a queer negro sneaking around your property. I wouldn't use the meter at night because queer negros are practically invisible at night so there's no way to know if the reading is accurate.

[William Taester]

Re: Please pray my five sons aren't gay

We all must pray our guts out for those kids. I can only tell you that when I was a boy, I witnessed my mother cutting corners while cleaning the house, and within moments a pack of wild demons rushed into my soul and I began re-decorating the house. it was 40 years before I found freedom from fagdom