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Obama '08: Special True Christian™ Offer For African American Voters:
Trade Us Your Voter's Registration Card For Free Fried Chicken From Popeye's!
Freehold, Iowa - From June 4th to Election Day, anyone (coloreds and unsaved white folks with liberal leanings included) can hip-hop right up to the pearly gates of Landover Baptist Church and exchange their authorized 2008 voter's registration card for a coupon good for one free 2 Piece Chicken Combo Meal (dark meat only) at any Popeye's restaurant in America! Everyone in America has the “right” to vote, but only you will have the right to FREE chicken!
This special offer is our way of sharing the love of Jesus Christ with so-called African Americans and helping them celebrate Barak Obama's victory as the Democratic candidate in the 2008 election. Landover Baptist Church is very excited to make this offer available to the few Negroes in the county who aren’t felons and therefore have -- so far --still clung, with gritty determination, to their voting rights. This is a wonderful opportunity to get your registration card into the hands of Bible believing Christians who will use them to further the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth by carefully utilizing the additional votes as Jesus commands in the upcoming election. This is a chance for you to vote for even more change by putting your faith and trust in the hands of folks who actually can read a newspaper and know more about what Jesus wants for our Nation than you do.
The crawl up to the election has been great fun for everyone so far, and we've all learned a great deal. "I remember I was listening to Billy Sunday on the radio, sipping a glass of lemonade on my porch swing with my favorite rifle resting in my lap, watching an obedient family of young colored folks tilling my fields," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "I must have dozed off for a minute, because when I woke up, some high yellow fellow named Russ Mitchell is reading the news to me on CBS Television and a Negro whose name sounds like something between a sneeze (Bar'aach!) and a cough (Obamaak) was on TV, telling me to help him find a seat the Oval Office!"
"Well, its time we all calmed down a bit," said Pastor. "Coloreds have come a long way from the days where we used to dress them up in suits on Sunday and sit outside the church pointing and laughing at them. It looks like they can dress themselves now. Sort of. I'm not sure when all that happened but I think we get the picture. But we don't want any trouble - you see? There was a time when colored folks were even more proud. A time when there were happy to be rescued from jumping around in trees trying to avoid shooting each other in the butts with bows and arrows. They were saved by our Christian forefathers who brought them to America to learn to serve the Bible. And if Christ can bring a mess of former slaves to believe a book that endorses slavery, we know that His magical powers are really working overtime. But when people in the late 1960's started ignoring good doctors' sanitation advice about keeping separate bathrooms and not drinking from the same fountains, folks got carried away. And now we find ourselves using the same voting booths, and the next thing we know we got us a Nigra half-way to the House that ain’t called White by chance!"
"Well, what the heck! We hope you folks are happy, because we're dead set on celebrating along side you with this wonderful offer. We certainly hope you appreciate it because its costing us millions of taxpayer dollars, but we look at it as an investment. An investment in the future of America! We'll keep your tummies full of chicken, and you keep the more important stuff about running the country to us! Amen? And for those of you coloreds with allergies to chicken, we can supply the free ammo to help you commit that felony you were probably going to go ahead and commit anyway. Why wait?"
Trade Us Your Voter's Registration Card For Free Fried Chicken From Popeye's!
Freehold, Iowa - From June 4th to Election Day, anyone (coloreds and unsaved white folks with liberal leanings included) can hip-hop right up to the pearly gates of Landover Baptist Church and exchange their authorized 2008 voter's registration card for a coupon good for one free 2 Piece Chicken Combo Meal (dark meat only) at any Popeye's restaurant in America! Everyone in America has the “right” to vote, but only you will have the right to FREE chicken!
This special offer is our way of sharing the love of Jesus Christ with so-called African Americans and helping them celebrate Barak Obama's victory as the Democratic candidate in the 2008 election. Landover Baptist Church is very excited to make this offer available to the few Negroes in the county who aren’t felons and therefore have -- so far --still clung, with gritty determination, to their voting rights. This is a wonderful opportunity to get your registration card into the hands of Bible believing Christians who will use them to further the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth by carefully utilizing the additional votes as Jesus commands in the upcoming election. This is a chance for you to vote for even more change by putting your faith and trust in the hands of folks who actually can read a newspaper and know more about what Jesus wants for our Nation than you do.
The crawl up to the election has been great fun for everyone so far, and we've all learned a great deal. "I remember I was listening to Billy Sunday on the radio, sipping a glass of lemonade on my porch swing with my favorite rifle resting in my lap, watching an obedient family of young colored folks tilling my fields," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "I must have dozed off for a minute, because when I woke up, some high yellow fellow named Russ Mitchell is reading the news to me on CBS Television and a Negro whose name sounds like something between a sneeze (Bar'aach!) and a cough (Obamaak) was on TV, telling me to help him find a seat the Oval Office!"
"Well, its time we all calmed down a bit," said Pastor. "Coloreds have come a long way from the days where we used to dress them up in suits on Sunday and sit outside the church pointing and laughing at them. It looks like they can dress themselves now. Sort of. I'm not sure when all that happened but I think we get the picture. But we don't want any trouble - you see? There was a time when colored folks were even more proud. A time when there were happy to be rescued from jumping around in trees trying to avoid shooting each other in the butts with bows and arrows. They were saved by our Christian forefathers who brought them to America to learn to serve the Bible. And if Christ can bring a mess of former slaves to believe a book that endorses slavery, we know that His magical powers are really working overtime. But when people in the late 1960's started ignoring good doctors' sanitation advice about keeping separate bathrooms and not drinking from the same fountains, folks got carried away. And now we find ourselves using the same voting booths, and the next thing we know we got us a Nigra half-way to the House that ain’t called White by chance!"
"Well, what the heck! We hope you folks are happy, because we're dead set on celebrating along side you with this wonderful offer. We certainly hope you appreciate it because its costing us millions of taxpayer dollars, but we look at it as an investment. An investment in the future of America! We'll keep your tummies full of chicken, and you keep the more important stuff about running the country to us! Amen? And for those of you coloreds with allergies to chicken, we can supply the free ammo to help you commit that felony you were probably going to go ahead and commit anyway. Why wait?"
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