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What do you do when you catch your kid jerking the ham? Do you beat him right away or wait till he finishes.
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Re: Masturbation
Please try to be a little less crude and disgusting when you post to this GODLY board, especially on Sunday Morning when we pastors are preparing for church.Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
In winter, the sin of Onan is dealt with by calling out the congregation, taking the offending person to the Ice Ponds and letting him swim for ten minutes or so or until he becomes hypothermic. Then he is forced to climb out over the ice and told to run back home in the nude as every girl in town chase es after him laughing and yelling taunts.Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: Masturbation
Friend, is that you in your avatar? What are you doing?Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
DeanComment
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Re: Masturbation
Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
Friend,
Is this something that happened to, shall we say, a "friend" (cough, cough) of your's?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Re: Masturbation
How would i know, my friends dont openly discuss masturbation. They arent homers. It hasnt happened to me because im more discreet about my jerking.Comment
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Re: Masturbation
So you like to touch male genitalia away from your heterosexual friends? It's no wonder. They'd be as disgusted at the thought as we are.Originally posted by Peacekeeper View PostPosted via Prayer
1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!
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Re: Masturbation
Perhaps you'd do well to "jerk" your Bible open to Genesis 38 and read what God did to Onan for spilling his seed outside of an appropriate female!Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
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Re: Masturbation
Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
Seriously, dude, I'm pretty sure no-one wants to hear about your monkey-spanking!sigpic
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!Comment
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Re: Masturbation
It is obvious that this homer is being called and re-called to our Godly forum for a reason. Jesus is calling on you to cease and desist in your perverted lifestyle, and accept Him before its too late.
Any further mention of your filthy degenerate sexual practices will result in infraction points, for your own good. We want to help you in any way we can to find God.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Masturbation
Perhaps you should have him come to your study some night for a personal discussion, Pastor! Look what wonders it has done for Arethusa!Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostIt is obvious that this homer is being called and re-called to our Godly forum for a reason. Jesus is calling on you to cease and desist in your perverted lifestyle, and accept Him before its too late.
Any further mention of your filthy degenerate sexual practices will result in infraction points, for your own good. We want to help you in any way we can to find God.Comment
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Re: Masturbation
Friend you don't need to tell us what you're doing in your avatar pic. We ALREADY know! Are you blind yet? Is hair growing on the palms of your hands yet? Don't answer, please!Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
How dare you post this ABOMINATION on the SABBATH! God will surely strike you for this SIN and for your SIN of touching yourself! Obviously, you are one of the SONS OF DARKNESS since you engage in abomination with yourself.
Here's a suggestion for you if you ever want to be a True Christian. The next time you think of playing Master Bates with yourself try grapping on to the HOLY BIBLE KJV1611 and read the SCRIPTURES until your feelings for sexual torture and sin go away! If that doesn't work then perhaps you should be more BIBLICAL and REMOVE the MEMBER of your body which is OBVIOUSLY possessed by a DEMON!Last edited by Brother Love; 01-22-2007, 03:12 AM.Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!
"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15
"Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"Comment
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Re: Masturbation
Well HELLO Peace-Keeper!! What a...a...fascinating...subject! I bet these people think it's all a "sin" and they suppose that their kid is "possessed" by some "devil" no doubt. Hmm..maybe they just outright kill them when they catch them..."spanking the MONKEY!"Originally posted by Peacekeeper View Post
FACT: Masturbation is a NATURAL human behavior! EVERYBODY does it!"I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania."
"Don't dream it...BE IT!"Comment
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Re: Masturbation
Indeed.
It's actually UNhealthy if you don't masturbate.
2-3 times a week is the best against prostate cancer.
Also:, what's with that dirty smiley?
=/= 
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Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
WHO does God hate?
A Christian voter's guide to rape
A Miracle that Atheist REFUSE to explain!
Why Atheists are WRONG!
Questions Darwinist REFUSE to answer
Are Stars Diamonds? The Young Universe PROVED
Cucumbers prove God EXISTS!
Ten points that CRUSH Atheism
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!Comment
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Re: Masturbation
Where is the evidence for this, AppleEater? Or are you imagining, like the way False Christians imagine God to be what they want Him to be?Originally posted by Appelfap. View PostIndeed.
It's actually UNhealthy if you don't masturbate.
2-3 times a week is the best against prostate cancer.
Also:, what's with that dirty smiley?
There's nothing dirty about indicating the whoopin' Pastor administers. It's Godly corrective action with the rod, as specified in the Bible.
Only a sick weirdo would turn Godly correction into something "dirty". Are you a sick weirdo, ApplePie?Comment
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