Missing In Action

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

In these days of violence, perversion and iniquity, preaching the word of the Lord has never been an easy, but how else are sinners to be Saved™ if they are not encountered?

Was it not Our Savior who went amongst publicans, thieves and rogues so that one lost sheep might be bought into the fold, the fatted calf killed and the labourer be worthy of his hire?

There follows a Roll of Honor of True Christians™ Missing In Action. Landover earnestly prays that they are either safe and well or safe and (obviously) well in the Arms of Jesus.

Everyone of them was a God-Fearing, Bible Carrying, Fundamentalist, Independent Baptist dedicated to exposing God’s Word on homerism and other perversions, creationism and Biblical Science, false religions and prophets, the subservience of women, Republicanism, the disciplining of children, the pursuit of the just war in Iraq and the fight to retain slavery.

The Lord is looking for His Soldiers, can you help and pray?

There is a substantial reward for information leading to the whereabouts of any of those named below, call Freehold KJV-1611 and ask for Pastor Zeke.

Thank you.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

The Lord is looking for His Soldiers, can you help and pray?

A truly stirring tribute to the fallen, Brother Bathfire.

Each and every one, a hero.

You remind us that the Lord's work we do is perilous. For lo, there shall always be the pernicious evils of satan and his minions, wriggling to weave their oily chains about our ankles and pull us down.

I have long worried for Sister Noddy and the Widow Anna. (See my thread, Women of "A Certain Age".) Is it possible some false zealot is in our midst, abducting we mature Landover™ ladies who still remain childless...to fulfill some twisted scriptural interpretation??

I shudder. I shake.

Matthew 28:20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Missing In Action

I miss how Sister Victory would drop by to borrow a cup of sugar every time she smelled me cooking a pot roast. She would always end of staying for dinner, bless her heart.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

I miss how Sister Victory would drop by to borrow a cup of sugar every time she smelled me cooking a pot roast. She would always end of staying for dinner, bless her heart.

Remember the time she tested your microwave cake-in-a-mug recipe 10 times in 1 hour to make sure it was just right? Then, undaunted, she jumped right into perfecting a pineapple upside down version?

Such dedication!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Missing In Action

Remember the time she tested your microwave cake-in-a-mug recipe 10 times in 1 hour to make sure it was just right? Then, undaunted, she jumped right into perfecting a pineapple upside down version?

Such dedication!

I know. She is so adorable! I love how excited she gets when we meet for lunch at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet at the Lord's Table (located in the Garden of Eden Shopette) on Wednesdays after The LOL's Bible Study.

I hope she hurries back.

[SUV]

Re: Missing In Action

Stirring Testimonies indeed, Brother and Sisters

And might I add "Poetic Peter" to the list. As "Poetic" doesn't exactly describe the True Christian Man, I Fear that someone took him for a homer! and he got Stoned

Also mi Bucanero Dulce, Don Bozo del Guapo

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

And might I add "Poetic Peter" to the list. As "Poetic" doesn't exactly describe the True Christian Man, I Fear that someone took him for a homer! and he got Stoned

He had a rare talent. Perhaps he won a Guggenheim Fellowship or something, and is continuing to pen his poems in a tower by the sea, somewhere.

In tribute, this was my favorite of his works/posts.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++

This is an instructional Nursery Song for our youngest children,
hence the large and colorful font

Are you a Jesus Toady?

"Yes I am I am I am!
"Jesus put eggs in a pond
"Where I swammed and grew legs on.
"So I'm a Toady for my Lord!
"When I last leap I'll be aboard
"The Great Cloud Pond of Heh-heh-ven,
"Yes! I'll hop right to the sky!"

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Missing In Action

Stirring Testimonies indeed, Brother and Sisters

And might I add "Poetic Peter" to the list. As "Poetic" doesn't exactly describe the True Christian Man, I Fear that someone took him for a homer! and he got Stoned

As I know we are amongst friends, I can report that Poetic Peter's whereabouts are known; the DoF advise no more should be said.

Also mi Bucanero Dulce, Don Bozo del Guapo

I do not recall him as a True Christian. (But FYI, think of a cheap Taco Bar, half-cooked pork and a 'town' called Culiacan.)

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

As I know we are amongst friends, I can report that Poetic Peter's whereabouts are known; the DoF advise no more should be said.

Well, he always was "artistic". Too bad he took a wrong turn.

(sigh)

Should the Pastors purge the board of all his poems, now?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Missing In Action

Good News Everyone! The Lord has heard our prayers and answered them. Brother Alex The Russian is alive and well and has posted on our Godly Boards.

However, his security position remains grave and his whereabouts are not to be disclosed. So to maintain secrecy and to get the latest, I telephoned the neighbor at his hideout, Mr Grigori Grigoriyevitch Komsopolski of flat 228, Workers' Paradise Appartments, Nevski Prostpekt, Moscow, who assured me that Brother Alex was in good spirits and believed he was safe from the Mafia.

PS I hope Bro Alex will contribute towards the cost of taking his name off the Roll of Honor.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

I still think it's odd that most of our Landover Matrons have seemingly disappeared; The Widow Anna, Sister Noddy, Sister Victory, Jean Poole...what has happened to them ? ? ?

And don't say it's unimportant because they're "just girls".

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Missing In Action

Well, he always was "artistic". Too bad he took a wrong turn.

(sigh)

Should the Pastors purge the board of all his poems, now?

I think not, some of them are quite eye-watering.

I still think it's odd that most of our Landover Matrons have seemingly disappeared; The Widow Anna, Sister Noddy, Sister Victory, Jean Poole...what has happened to them ? ? ?

And don't say it's unimportant because they're "just girls".

Unfortunately, it cannot be my place to enquire after females, perhaps if the Landover Ladies asked around their circle... my experience is that there is little that their collective knowledge cannot explain in these matters.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Missing In Action

I still think it's odd that most of our Landover Matrons have seemingly disappeared;

The Widow Anna,

Dead.

Sister Noddy,

Dead.

Sister Victory,

Dead.

Jean Poole

Dead.

...what has happened to them ? ? ?

And don't say it's unimportant because they're "just girls".

Of course it's important! We are losing tithes here!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Missing In Action

Not another unfortunate accident down by The Old Bridge?...

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Missing In Action

I am afraid I fail to see the "joke" in this, Honored Pastor.

The Widow Anna and Sisters Noddy, Victory and Jean are like sisters to me, and they must still be in Landover™, somewhere.

I'm going to ask Bobby-Joe to do some door-knocking.