SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE???

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

I ask this to my fellow MEN of Landover Baptist Church,

I keep beating my wife. Pretty much everyday. Should I stop?

See, instead of watching anti-Christian TV, I play a game of "Name That Bible Verse" every weeknight with my wife. We select a series of verses....one person either says a quote and the other player has to quote the exact Book/Chapter/Verse....or we say the Book/Chapter/Verse and the player has to respond with the correct language of that verse.

For example, I say: "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

And the correct answer is "Revelation 21:8"

But my wife, who is a True Christian™ through and through, doesn't always know the right answer. And of course, since I have two doctorate degrees relating to Christianity, I end up winning every time.

My question is this: Should I keep beating my wife at this game? Obviously I'm far more knowledgeable than her, and in the spirit of the game, I'm far better. But, should I let her win more often to help encourage her? To maybe give her some positive reinforcement? I feel that maybe if I let her win more often, she would feel better about herself and study the Bible more.

Yet, I am playing fair.

I do not know what do! Your advice, brothers?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

Brother, ask yourself this: How is she ever going to learn unless you beat her?

I play that game with Sister Thumper (my devoted fiancée these past 6 years) and I can tell you that she doesn't stand a chance against me. I had the Bible memorized at a tender young age, so of course I beat her each and every time we play, and God Bless her, she keeps coming back for more! I beat her and beat her, but she never seems to tire of taking the beatings I dish out.

Sometimes I think that God created females just so we would have someone to beat.

[TC Patriot]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

I'm considering a different game called WWJD to play with the wife and daughters. I bring up some problem and I ask how Jesus would solve it. If they cannot back it up with scripture even if it is what Jesus would do I take a switch to their mother.

Rev Jim, If ignorance of scripture is not a reason for a beating what is?

[Simon Tam]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

If you beat her, then you should have stopped the first time you have done this.

[GodIsAlmighty]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

If you beat her, then you should have stopped the first time you have done this.

But then how could she show any signs of improvement?

Frankly, I would beat her a little for every one she cannot answer or gets wrong. Make sure that she is always reading the bible on spare time, instead of watching TV or talking with friends (free time being whenever any possible household chore is done, of course).

[mark lewis]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

I'm considering a different game called WWJD to play with the wife and daughters. I bring up some problem and I ask how Jesus would solve it. If they cannot back it up with scripture even if it is what Jesus would do I take a switch to their mother.

Brother Patriot, I must thank you for bringing such joy into my home. We just tried this game and the sight of my wife cowering in the corner has brought tears to ALL of our eyes (tears of laughter for most of us). What a wonderful way to exercise the mind, body and spirit!

[Simon Tam]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

But then how could she show any signs of improvement?

Frankly, I would beat her a little for every one she cannot answer or gets wrong. Make sure that she is always reading the bible on spare time, instead of watching TV or talking with friends (free time being whenever any possible household chore is done, of course).

Oh wait, you are not married. You don't even have a girlfriend! Remember? I said guys who talk this way can't get women. Don't even bother posting a picture of your wife or GF because I will automatically believe that: 1 The picture is photo shopped or: 2. That the male in the picture is not you. I guess it's okay to continue beating your imaginary wife. Although, having too many imaginary friends and especially an imaginary wife can get you thrown into a mental hospital. Strait jacket anyone?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

Oh wait, you are not married. You don't even have a girlfriend! Remember? I said guys who talk this way can't get women. Don't even bother posting a picture of your wife or GF because I will automatically believe that: 1 The picture is photo shopped or: 2. That the male in the picture is not you. I guess it's okay to continue beating your imaginary wife. Although, having too many imaginary friends and especially an imaginary wife can get you thrown into a mental hospital. Strait jacket anyone?

How about the straitjacket for you friend. Are you going to tell me I imagined having diner with Pastor Osborn and his wife last night?

[GOD=life]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

I guess it's okay to continue beating your imaginary wife.

Yes, we have imaginary wives and believe in an imaginary God and talk on an imaginary forum. Are you imaginary too?

Maybe you have a wikipedia article on that topic that wasn't removed by their moderators?

[rtb]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

Dont beat your wife.

[Simon Tam]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

How about the straitjacket for you friend. Are you going to tell me I imagined having diner with Pastor Osborn and his wife last night?

You and Pastor Osborn did indeed have dinner last night with the shared delusions you call his wife and your wife. What next? You are going to tell me that either you or Pastor Osborn have children? That would be both extremely disturbing and hilarious.

Yes, we have imaginary wives and believe in an imaginary God and talk on an imaginary forum. Are you imaginary too?

Maybe you have a wikipedia article on that topic that wasn't removed by their moderators?

No, you do not believe in an imaginary God. You just have imaginary wives.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

Well, being beaten helps her to learn from her previous mistakes. I think playing will teach her, even if she is beaten to the point where she is sore;

in spirit the next day.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

You and Pastor Osborn did indeed have dinner last night with the shared delusions you call his wife and your wife. What next? You are going to tell me that either you or Pastor Osborn have children? That would be both extremely disturbing and hilarious.

My ex-wife has been hospitalized theses last ten years in Ohio. So no, Trish was not with us for dinner last night. The doctors think Trish now has brain tumor, but what the heck Simon, she is only imagery, no reason to feel sorry for the poor woman, is there? We wouldn't want to tax the imaginary heart of yours, now would we.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

No, you do not believe in an imaginary God. You just have imaginary wives.

Why are you so hateful? This is a Christian forum, pal. We're here to uplift Jesus.

[Alsnoy]

Re: SHOULD I STOP BEATING MY WIFE? I honestly don't know if I sho

you shouldn't beat her.

strange she didn't turned her back on you!