X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • GOD=life
    WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
    True Christian™
    • Jan 2010
    • 3263
    #1

    Attention Brittany: easy story, important lesson!

    A few days ago, I was talking to our friend Brittany about the shape of the earth and the distance of the sun to the earthly disc. She mentioned a number of interesting points that I would like to express in smiley-comic form.

    CHAPTER 1: are teachers always right?

    -- "I am Brittany, the sun is MILLIONS of miles from the earth!!!"
    "But Brittany, our Pastor made very clear calculations indicating the sun is only 500 miles from the earth" --
    -- "But I learned this in 3rd grade! If they teach it in school, it MUST be right!"
    "Ah, but friend. That is an appeal to authority fallacy. You must use your own brain. Let us ask your 3rd grade teacher where he learned this from" --
    -- "Mr. Vanderbilt! Where did you learn that the sun is millions of miles from the earth?"
    "Uh, to be honest, I learned it from my 3rd grade teacher..." --
    -- "But... but... ok, where did HE learn it from then???"
    "Come friends, let us ask your teacher's teacher" --
    -- "Mr. Moriarty! Where did you learn that the sun is millions of miles from the earth???"
    "Uh, I learned it from my 3rd grade teacher" --
    And so our friends continued asking every teacher's 3rd grade teacher....

    -- "Wow, so EVERYONE learned this from THEIR third grade teacher!!"

    And then it dawned on Brittany...
    I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

    Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
    Matthew 7:22     Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
    Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

    Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
    Tags: None
    • GOD=life
      WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
      True Christian™
      • Jan 2010
      • 3263
      #2
      Chapter 2

      CHAPTER 2: Brittany wakes up to God and goes to sleep

      -- "OK, so... we were ALL just making assumptions all these years! I owe you a BIG apology, friend!"
      "There is 1 more thing you've been wrong about... you know what I'm talking about, don't you" --
      -- "Yes, about surrendering to God, accepting Jesus as my Savior and accepting the KJV 1611 Bible as the only true Word of God!"

      And that night, Brittany prayed to God and did so without the compromise that false Christians so often demand. The KJV 1611 Bible made everything so clear and logical...

      Then she went to sleep... but was not alone........

      -- "sleep well, my child"
      I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

      Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
      Matthew 7:22       Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
      Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

      Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

        Comment

        • GOD=life
          WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 3263
          #3
          Chapter 3

          CHAPTER 3: THE END -- or is it the beginning.......?

          The next day, Brittany witnessed two kids fighting with a knife. Now that she found God, she felt she needed to intervene... unfortunately, this did not end well......

          -- "wow, so there IS an afterlife after all... it sucks that I will go to Hell.. sniff"
          "No child, did you remember how you converted at Landover Baptist Church? YOU ARE GOING TO HEAVEN, BABY!" --
          -- "Oh boy, I'm SO happy I didn't hold on to that foolish opinion that the sun is millions of miles from the earth or that the earth isn't flat!"

          And that is how Brittany ended up in Heaven and had a super time there! She is SO happy that she:
          • surrendered to God
          • accepted Jesus as her Savior
          • acknowledged the KJV 1611 Bible as the only true Word of God
          • followed the Bible entirely
          • accepted that the sun is about 500 miles from the earth
          • accepted that the natural shape of the earth is flat


          TRUE CHRISTIANITY™!

          If you liked this comic, you may also like:

          Attention homosexuals: easy story, not so easy lesson!
          Attention atheists: easy to understand story!
          I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

          Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
          Matthew 7:22           Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
          Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

          Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

            Comment

            • Cranky Old Man
              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
              You kids get off his lawn!
               
              • Jan 2010
              • 22372
              #4
              Re: Attention Brittany: easy story, important lesson!

              Yet another great story Brother! Let's hope it saves many souls.
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                Comment

                • James Hutchins
                  True Christian™
                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                   
                  • Jun 2009
                  • 29453
                  #5
                  Re: Attention Brittany: easy story, important lesson!

                  Brother, these are better stories than those stop motion Davey and Goliath I used watch as a unsaved child.
                  Attached Files
                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    Previous template Next
                    Working...