Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

[Jo Freddie]

1. Faith is to the soul what sauce is to pasta.
2. The meaning of life can only be found at the bottom of a pasta bowl.
3. To the divine feast, the wise bringeth TicTacs, but the fool leaveth with breath most garlicky and offensive.
4. And once the garlic has been in the sauce, yea verily, thou must brush your tongue as well as your teeth, before thou layest with your wench.
5. Starch not the shirts nor the linens, for starch is a holy foodstuff and should be consumed with reverence - and a good sauce.
6. He who eats pasta shall never be hungry.
7. There is never a right way to overcook pasta.
8. As long as we eat our pasta and do not overcook it, we shall be saved.
9. Feed a man pasta and you have fed him for a day, teach a man to cook pasta and you will amaze his wife.
10. The wise Believer checketh the date of the Parmesan, but the foolish accidentally flavor the sauce with mold.
11. Whoever tops with the cheese of the powder is a blasphemer, sayeth the Lord.
12. Do not put ranch dressing on your spaghetti, for that is blasphemy.
13. Abhor ye not the dried pasta, for verily it is written that only the stuff in tins is an abomination.
14. His Noodliness helps those who help themselves to seconds!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

That is not how it works!

How it really works:
Step #1: Go outside and shoot delicious animal (preferably between the eyes).
Step #2: Give killed animal to wife and command her to prepare and cook it.
Step #3: Eat delicious dinner.

Why vegetarians are idiots:

• Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."
• Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"
• Romans 14:2 "For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs."

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

That is not how it works!

How it really works:
Step #1: Go outside and shoot delicious animal (preferably between the eyes).
Step #2: Give killed animal to wife and command her to prepare and cook it.
Step #3: Eat delicious dinner.

Why vegetarians are idiots:

• Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."
• Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"
• Romans 14:2 "For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs."

Mmmm where does it say anything about not eating Meat?

You must have been racking your feeble brain for a while to try and find something in your collection of fairy tales to use.

Now eating Pets is an abomination
From A Pasta's Creed as passed to Solipsy:

38 The eating of pets, the True Believer shall not do, for verily and with most seriousness shall it be held an abomination.

And we are warned Atkinsceticism is not a good idea
Aslo From A Pasta's Creed as passed to Solipsy:

46 Thou shall not even consider them lowly unto the Atkins diet, for truly it is just plain sick

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

Now eating Pets is an abomination

Do you make your scripture up as you go?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

Now eating Pets is an abomination

What a bunch of malarkey. God wants us to eat meat. He doesn't put any limitations on which animals we can eat.

What if you had a pet pig?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

What a bunch of malarkey. God wants us to eat meat. He doesn't put any limitations on which animals we can eat.

What if you had a pet pig?

Your imaginary friend seems to have very loose moral standards then if that is how it teaches you to live.
The One True God is very clear on this mater:

A Pasta's Creed as passed to Solipsy

38 The eating of pets, the True Believer shall not do, for verily and with most seriousness shall it be held an abomination.
39 Thou shall not eat of the hamster nor the gerbil, nor any other denizen of the Habitrail, neither of the cat nor its kittens, the dog nor its pups.
40 Neither shall thou partake of the flesh of the parakeet nor the iguana nor the goldfish nor any fish of the tank or decorative pond, for it is an abomination unto his Holy Jiggling Appendages.
41 Neither shall thee roast the flesh of pets from the store nor shelter, whether cuddly or annoying, for verily it is an abomination unto the Spaghetti Lord, and also of great repulsion to the sane.
42 Also it shall be held a deep abomination to partake of the flesh of the pets of thy neighbours, even if such pets do bark long and mightily throughout the night, disturbing the rest of the True Believer.
43 Even if the pets of thy neighbours dig in thy yard and garden, or otherwise behave inways which shall peeve thee, of them thou shall not eat.
44 Thou shall not grind them and mix their flesh with bread crumbs nor rice nor oats nor tasty seasoning's of any kind, for it is an abomination.
45 Thou shall not bathe them in the sauces of any kind, nor shape them, thine own or thy neighbour‟s, into rounded form.
46 Thou shall not even consider them lowly unto the Atkins diet, for truly it is just plain sick.
47 For the breaking of this most high and holy law, the True Believer must submit to years of serious Psychiatric Counselling and agree to take such legal medications as are prescribed by a professional physician.

[Prof Samuel Beckett]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

Your imaginary friend seems to have very loose moral standards then if that is how it teaches you to live.
The One True God is very clear on this mater:

We shall see how imaginary the good Lord is when your burning in the lake of fire you insolent sinner.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

We shall see how imaginary the good Lord is when your burning in the lake of fire you insolent sinner.

There are NO burning lakes in the afterlife

An Announcement Regarding the Afterlife
2 It is my contention that a loving God of any kind would not Damn someone to Hell.
3 Darning them to Heck would be a problem for a supposedly intelligent creator.

Muellers I
a letter to the Macaronians

20 It is most troubling to me, however, to see that there is argument among you that some sort of separate Hell,
21 where those not of The Faith in Our Lord Glob may be thought to go upon their death.
22 No, verily no!
23 This is not the way of His Great Tastiness.
24 He may be most peevish toward the non-believer, t‟is true, as the many accounts of His pranks do demonstrate.
25 He condemneth not, however, any of His Creatures to eternal torment -
26 that is one of the many great sillinesses devised by other earthly religions!
27 There is a place in Heaven, though not necessarily pleasant, for all His Creatures.
.
.
.

42 Lastly are those who did irreparable large-scale harm to the lives of others; they will be treated most harshly.
43 The tyrants, the conquerors, the despots, the otherwise greedy and sickeningly unfair; all these will be made to bow down to those whom they harmed.
44 Though they will not boil in eternal torment, there will be no end to their subservience.
45 Our Heavenly Glob instilled in them the same sense of right and wrong that He gave to others,
46 and these people willfully chose to ignore it.
47 For them, unkindness in return awaits.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

Dietary laws??? Oh that is to funny Joe Freddy. Religious rules about eating food. As a Bible literalism Christian fundamentalist I have never read of anything s utterly absurd. You Pastrafarians probably think it is good to eat something as disgusting and unclean like shell fish because some book of yours says so. What's next with you clowns? Talking plants? Burning snakes?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

I myself never eat ethnic foods like "spaghetti" noodles. It hottens up the blood.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Advice on Cooking, Eating & Enjoying Tasty Pasta

Dietary laws??? Oh that is to funny Joe Freddy. Religious rules about eating food. As a Bible literalism Christian fundamentalist I have never read of anything s utterly absurd. You Pastrafarians probably think it is good to eat something as disgusting and unclean like shell fish because some book of yours says so. What's next with you clowns? Talking plants? Burning snakes?

What you mean like these from your favourite collection of fairy tales

Leviticus
11:13 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,


Exodus
3:2 And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush [was] not consumed.

3:3 And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.

3:4 And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here [am] I.

Numbers
21:8 And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.