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HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday.

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  #1  
Old 10-14-2007, 03:36 PM
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Default Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
The next few weeks will test Jesus' strength as Satan celebrates his birthday, but I'm sure with our help, Jesus will prevail. Be on the lookout for elevated activities amongst Witches, Wiccas, Emos, Goths, Homers, and folks who use ipods.

PS I forgot about Demoncrats, Wal-Mart (for selling Helloween paraphernalia) and Metallica fans, etc...
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Old 10-14-2007, 03:48 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
I'm Afraid, Mother Glynndie, in fact, I'm terrified of those ipod Homer!s!

So it okay if I just yell a quick Repent! and go get on with the CHRISTMAS Season?

Last week to pay into Christmas Club at the Bank, you know!
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Old 10-15-2007, 04:25 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
...and folks who use ipods.
Umm... why are ipods considered evil?
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Old 10-15-2007, 05:13 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Shadow View Post
Umm... why are ipods considered evil?
Because they are made by Apple, a satanic reference to the forbidden fruit.

OK, actually it is because they teach children to stick things in orifices they shouldn't stick things in. Ipods are a gateway sex toy to homerism.
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Old 10-15-2007, 05:24 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Because they are made by Apple, a satanic reference to the forbidden fruit.
Apple is headquartered near San Fransissyco so we don't have to state the obvious why they chose a "fruite" as a symbol.

As Pastor Al said, it is short step for Little Jimmy from sticking an ear phone into his ear to Little Jimmy down on skid row letting bums stick their tallywackers into little Jimmy to feed Little Jimmy's crack habit.
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Old 10-15-2007, 10:22 PM
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HELLoween makes me want puke!
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Old 10-24-2007, 02:29 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
Dear Pastor Pistle

As my septic tank backs up into my basement every week, I took the opportunity to transform the whole thing into a replica of Dante's 5th circle of hell, complete with the sewer water of the river Styx where the slothful lie gurgling beneath the sludge. A trap door on my front stoop, and a simple slide sends Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, and Democratic campaign volunteers rocketing into an example of the eternal abyss that surely awaits them.

Now that Helloween is fast approaching, I'm fully anticipating a basement engorged with the high pitched squeals of Power Rangers, Shreks, Spider Men, and other such Satanic spawn.

This will be way more fun that the fully charged tasers that Landover Baptist hands out every 31st of October.



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Old 10-24-2007, 02:36 PM
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Default Re: Welcome to HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN
Quote:
Originally Posted by tryork5ifp View Post
Dear Pastor Pistle

As my septic tank backs up into my basement every week, I took the opportunity to transform the whole thing into a replica of Dante's 5th circle of hell, complete with the sewer water of the river Styx where the slothful lie gurgling beneath the sludge. A trap door on my front stoop, and a simple slide sends Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, and Democratic campaign volunteers rocketing into an example of the eternal abyss that surely awaits them.

Now that Helloween is fast approaching, I'm fully anticipating a basement engorged with the high pitched squeals of Power Rangers, Shreks, Spider Men, and other such Satanic spawn.

This will be way more fun that the fully charged tasers that Landover Baptist hands out every 31st of October.



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  #9  
Old 10-26-2007, 05:09 AM
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That's a satisfactory start, but who are you?
Please say hello in the introduction Forum where you are sure to get a friendly greeting
He's a self-confessed homer. Apparently he kidnaps small children every halloween and keeps them in his basement to sodomize at his liesure.

Yet another reason NOT to allow your children to celebrate satan's birthday.
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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Old 10-26-2007, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He's a self-confessed homer. Apparently he kidnaps small children every halloween and keeps them in his basement to sodomize at his liesure.
That'd explain why he reads Catholic literature.
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God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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