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This is an official Church Wide Burnt Umber Alert.
It has come to our attention that teenagers have been abusing chloroform. Reports are teenage males dress up like prominent male wrestlers and chloroform each other. Once they subdue one of their number their way they take turns sodomizing their victim. In an effort to stop the spread of the gay virus the sale of chloroform is herby banned in the City of Freehold and Freehold County. The only exceptions will be for Pastor approved Soul Saving and Spiritual Intervention teams.
Parents; be on the alert for signs you child is a choloroformer;
Look for
It has come to our attention that teenagers have been abusing chloroform. Reports are teenage males dress up like prominent male wrestlers and chloroform each other. Once they subdue one of their number their way they take turns sodomizing their victim. In an effort to stop the spread of the gay virus the sale of chloroform is herby banned in the City of Freehold and Freehold County. The only exceptions will be for Pastor approved Soul Saving and Spiritual Intervention teams.
Parents; be on the alert for signs you child is a choloroformer;
Look for
* Lack of concentration in the child, this caused by the residual effects of the drugging.
* Interest in big time wrestling stars; the homerism of men in tight shorts jumping on each other is obvious enough.
* Wrestling based nicknames
* Sudden interest in doing their own laundry; in order to conceal blood stained underwear.
If you discover any of these signs do not what; contact Church security immediately before another child is infected. * Interest in big time wrestling stars; the homerism of men in tight shorts jumping on each other is obvious enough.
* Wrestling based nicknames
* Sudden interest in doing their own laundry; in order to conceal blood stained underwear.
May Christ be with you in this,
Bobby-Joe,
Pastoral Security Detail Supervisor.
Bobby-Joe,
Pastoral Security Detail Supervisor.
There has been an incident with some tin tithers. The pastors want to stop the poison now before it spreads.
Mr.Bobby Joe, i not want to tell you how to do your importint jobs, but i thinks you better keep a real close eye on them wrestlin butts 
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