Job opportunities under the future republican president

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

When the republican nominee becomes president on January 20th, 2013, only one hard-working person will lose a job - me, because Trickle-Down Charities will have no need to exist with the government doing the work for me.

But that's okay, I because I've been talking to some job leads who are promising some great civil service careers once Mitt Romney or Rick Santorum becomes president.

It doesn't matter which one wins, Romney will do what campaign contributors - including us - tell him too. And as for Santorum, well, we'll probably spend most of our time trying to keep him from going TOO far. Anyway, all the major candidates have publicly promised to ban porn. It's a big internet, so it's going to take a lot of people to hit all those delete keys. And of course a lot of people will be needed to decide what's porn and what isn't. Apart from fringe benefits that one will pay a lot, due to the new Spiritual Danger Pay regulations.

One job is in the future U.S. Department of Family Values - Compliance Standard Administration - Office of Porn Elimination Programs - Division of Upskirts, Downshirts, and Side-Boobage - Selena Gomez Task Force

Also, working under the Marriage Czar (probably Newt Gingrich), the Bureau Of Church Regulation - Heterosexual Marriage Administration - Office Of Enforcement - Genetalia Confirmation Inspector needs some - well, the name speaks for itself. But don't worry, you won't seeing much since the shaving of pubic hair will be outlawed. Hey, free markets aren't free.

Also, the Job Creation - HA! Just kidding. We all know that's not a priority.

Anyone else come across any new job opportunities?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

When the republican nominee becomes president on January 20th, 2013, only one hard-working person will lose a job - me, because Trickle-Down Charities will have no need to exist with the government doing the work for me.

Take heart Trent. Unlike Obummer The Republicans are planing to build upon the GW Bush job creating machine. Just think how the economy will be taking off after the first round of tax cuts.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Trent, if only I were 30 years younger.
I am already working three full time jobs ("Hutchins Long Haul Discreet Trucking", "Hutchins Plantation and Growing Seasons Getaway for Troubled Teens" and of course, servicing the Lord on my knees.)

I'll spek to some of the men at the LBC Club tonight for you. Have someone drop off some flyers with security at the front door.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

One job is in the future U.S. Department of Family Values - Compliance Standard Administration - Office of Porn Elimination Programs - Division of Upskirts, Downshirts, and Side-Boobage - Selena Gomez Task Force

Trent, there's something that has been bothering me for months, but which zerObama has ignored (in spite of my many letters and emails on the subject). Maybe it'd be something for you to work on in the Department of Family Values.

We need a thorough investigation into the "Christian Side Hug" and the impact of side-boobage and downshirtage upon such huggage.

Is it possible that the Christian Side Hug is really just an attempt on the part of a few sex-obsessed teens to rub up against a sideboob? Or maybe to get a better opportunity to visually explore the downshirt region?

Even worse, is it a Satanic effort to corrupt youth by putting them in a compromising situation?

I think these people need to be interrogated, and that the interrogation should be available on pay-per-view as a fundraising effort to defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

I am in no wise a single issue voter, but it is important to me that the President do something about the anal sex problem. I would deprioritize killing trees if there were positions available in the anal sex prevention field. I still support Santorum because I believe he could bring these sorts of opportunities to our thirsty economy.

Anal sex is not the sort of problem that can be "managed" or "discouraged". There is no such thing as a moderate anal sex fiend. It is the first introduction of the penis into the rectum that causes the most damage. After that it is just beating a dead horse (or a dead colon, really). I heard about a young man recently who bled to death after just a single stroke of a tallywacker inside his anus. Imagine what sort of damage a lifetime of anal sex could cause.

Yes, if there was a Department of Sodomy in the Federal government, I think I would qualify to advise the President in that capacity. It is a point of pride for me. I know how difficult it is to contemplate the friction and the hemorrhaging and the ruptured colons and the prolapsed intestines and the pain that must be endured while being raped by a homosexual, believe me I know. I am just as disgusted by this activity as anyone else. But because of my Enlightened True Christian Values™ I realize the importance of bringing this knowledge to the world.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Yes, if there was a Department of Sodomy in the Federal government,

It's all been planned, but I think you've confused "department" with "Branch of Government".

As for Christian side-hugs, that's a subject for an entire thread just by itself:

The Christian side hug is a term for a display of affection in which a person hugs another by putting one arm around their shoulders, rather than both arms around them, "to avoid the uncontrollable temptation that hugging face-to-face – and therefore crotch-to-crotch – would lead to"; however....there is still an risk/threat of the 'breast - to - armpit' touch/engagement that could trigger the mentioned temptation...

EG is not the only religious youth organization to encourage side hugs over front hugs, with Brio magazine (published by Focus on the Family), advising readers to refrain from front hugging members of the opposite sex as far back as 2007

[Little Donkey]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Some organizations for policing morality would be a good start. In New York they have the Society for the Suppression of Vice:

1900: Encouraged authorities to arrest Olga Nethersole and others for "violating public decency" in Clyde Fitch's Broadway play Sapho. All were found innocent at trial.
1915: Forced off the market Stanisław Przybyszewski's Homo sapiens
1916: Forced off the market Theodore Dreiser's The Genius.
1916: Opposed Margaret Sanger and publishers of birth control books.
1919: Failed in its effort to suppress the fantasy novel Jurgen, A Comedy of Justice by James Branch Cabell and ended up giving it considerable publicity and boosting its sales.
1919: At its urging a police raid at the Everard Baths resulted in nine arrests.
1920: After the magazine The Little Review serialized a passage of the book Ulysses dealing with the main character masturbating, the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice, who objected to the book's content, took action to attempt to keep the book out of the United States. At a trial in 1921 the magazine was declared obscene and as a result Ulysses was banned in the United States.
1920s and '30s: Prosecuted a long war against the so-called "girlie pulps," which featured titillating fiction, sometimes accompanied with nude photography.
1925: Attacked as indecent the magazines Artists and Models and Art Lovers' Magazine.
1927: Attacked publisher Bernarr Macfadden's newspaper, the New York Graphic.
1927: Shut down Mae West's first starring role on Broadway, the play Sex. West spent ten days in jail.
1929: Seized 3,000 books from three book dealers; titles included Ulysses, Lady Chatterley's Lover, and novels by Oscar Wilde, Frank Harris and Clement Wood.
1930: Forced pulp publisher Harold Hersey to suppress the depiction of violence and lawlessness in his new line of gang pulps, which included Gangster Stories and Racketeer Stories.
1932: Falsely arrested a bookseller for displaying a book on nudism in his store's window. John S. Sumner, secretary of the society, was ordered to pay the bookseller $500 in restitution.
1933: Lost fight to have Erskine Caldwell's novel God's Little Acre declared obscene.
1934: Raided magazine "back-number" shops to confiscate four new magazines with the titles Real Boudoir Tales, Real Temptation Tales, Real Forbidden Sweets, and Real French Capers.
1935: Charged that Jim Tully's novel Ladies in the Parlor was indecent and emphasized "dirt in the raw."
1937: Attempted to block circulation of James T. Farrell's novel A World I Never Made for using obscene language.
1946: Charged Edmund Wilson's Memoirs of Hecate County with obscenity

Locking up sinners and burning their offensive literature is definitely along on the right track Increased funding and establishing organizations in different cities would be welcome here in Californicationa.

[SUV]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

I can't understand why one of the Godliest of Men is not even in the race. Could it be because he has the unfortunate name of Boner?

Must have something to do with this crackdown-on-porno Crusade

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

I don't see what difference giving jobs to the unemployed would make. They are refusing to work already. Giving an unemployed person a job is like giving a calculator to a retard. or a football to a cripple. By the time someone is unemployed they have screwed up royally and deserve to die of exposure in the streets.

Instead of casting pearls before swine, we should be making sure that people don't see pictures of each other naked.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Did some networking and found another good one - another republican president means another President's Council on Bioethics. That'd a good job, you get to write 500+ page reports on how licking ice cream is evil.

[Roberta]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Instead of casting pearls before swine, we should be making sure that people don't see pictures of each other naked.

Years ago there used to be a dirty book store right near the von Trappe place in Stowe. They did a good business but nobody ever parked in the front lot. I think the von Trappe's probably owned the place, being Australian eurotrash and all, but that was never made public.

Sure you could rent porno movies back then but most folks were just too afraid of being seen anywhere near the place. Then one day it just closed. The funny thing was our Pastor was so happy about it that he even mentioned it during the next Sunday service. Local young men would no longer be tempted to satisfy their prurient interests by visiting "Batchelor's Quarters" or BQ as the place was called. He was an older man who had preached for sixty years and though very knowledgeable when it came to scripture, he knew nothing about the internets.

Well even little me (I was about 13 at the time) was aware about all the naked stuff available on computers. After school sports and other extracurricular activities gradually ceased because all the boys (and I will admit some girls from the trailer park) couldn't wait to get home to the stuff. They usually had 2-3 hours before the parents got home from work.

Update 15 years and now 10 year olds are watching the filth on iPods. Yeah, even the herp a derps who have about a 45 minute ride on the short bus are drooling on the way to special ed. Porno videos are like a $6 billion industry and I think the cosmetic surgeries and tattoo parlors have enjoyed an increase in business, too. IT IS OUT OF CONTROL!

If Mr Santorum can get a handle on this thing I will definitely vote for him. Most of the filming is done in Russia and Thailand so the effect on our economy will not be that drastic. Am I alone in wanting to get our teens back on the athletic fields and out of their locked bedrooms? I just know they are playing with themselves! I know it!

Sorry about the rant but somebody had to address this.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

Now that those cuckservative candidates are behind us, let's start over.

Who here knows about erecting statues? Anyone worked out plans for carving Trump into the side of mountains? Air Force one will need a new pilot, it's going to be tricky to fly when it has a heavy marble interior.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

I hope everyone is polishing up their résumés, because it's looking more and more likely that Mr. Trump is going to be our next President.

This poll, from the highly esteemed One America News Network and Gravis Marketing, shows Mr. Trump slapping HELLary around like a cheap harlot who deserves all the bruises she gets becuase she's an ugly, uppity, smart-mouthed woman who won't shut up, doesn't know her place, and has a tone of voice that drives people up the wall-- by 2 points!!

The USC/LA Times tracking poll shows Mr. Trump mopping the floor with HELLary's crumpled, beaten body-- by FOUR points!!!

Get out the Trump Sparkling Wine and put a few more Trump steaks on the barbeque, because the Trump Train is headed for DC!!!!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

It looks like Trump has many of the top positions covered already: 1st Lady, 2nd and 3rd Ladies, Favorite-Daughter-in-Chief, Admiral Son-in-Law, General-Other-Kid-What's-His-Name, Top-Commander-Buddy-in-RE, Supreme-Military-Guy-I-Saw-On-Fox-in-Chief and a bunch of District-Attorney's-in-Law.

I humbly offer myself as Top-Chief-of-the-Forgein-Agenda based on extensive knowledge of certain seedy underground districts of Bangkok and Phnom Penh. You never know when that information will come in handy. I can also get Trump an exact replica French passport any time he wants, and I do mean *any* time for Mr. Trump. 10% discount if he wants more than one.

What else? I can type on a French keyboard. I can get by ordering coffee in France (it's pronounced CARFAY). I also took the 1-day CPR course 25 years ago as part of my medical training. If Mr. Trump should happen to be interested in my resume, I'll get that certificate updated.

[Roland]

Re: Job opportunities under the future republican president

[...]I also took the 1-day CPR course 25 years ago as part of my medical training. If Mr. Trump should happen to be interested in my resume, I'll get that certificate updated.

Hello Anthony,

As Trump is a Christian, wouldn´t this insult him? After reading the posts here, to me it seems Christians rely on prayer, not CPR, and from my experiences following these courses, administering CPR on Trump might be somewhat controversial. I must admit I haven´t finished reading the Bible so I am not completely sure about mouth to mouth contact between men in a Christian context. I believe BAW and Elmer did some research on this subject, perhaps they could give a more complete answer?

Kind regards,

Roland