Best Song to Beat Children To?

[Born Again Bob]

Dearest Friends,

When you have to smack your kids around for disobeying your commands (and hence, God's), to the tune of what music do you beat them? One of my lady borders has gotten in the family way, and I want to rough the kid up a little in utero just to show him who's boss. I was thinking a half-hour beating to salsa music, or some other precussion-heavy style, but your input would be warmly welcomed.

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

Dearest Friends,

When you have to smack your kids around for disobeying your commands (and hence, God's), to the tune of what music do you beat them? One of my lady borders has gotten in the family way, and I want to rough the kid up a little in utero just to show him who's boss. I was thinking a half-hour beating to salsa music, or some other precussion-heavy style, but your input would be warmly welcomed.

Yours in Him,
BAB

I think you should have somebody play the harmonica...You'd be hearing a lot of it for the next 15 years if you tried it in my state!

[Sacha-DG]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?

Intelligence has nothing to do with it.
The Word of God commands us to beat children.. spare the rod and spoil the child.
And the fact that it's the best way hands down to discipline kids and make them into good, productive citizens, is probably why God commands it.

[JennyD]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

When I worked at the orphanage (after growing up there), we gave the child to be spanked the option of picking from several hymns.

The child would then sing the hymn, with spanks falling at the hand-clap points.

For example:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart to stay

This way, the love of Jesus was quite literally pounded into them!

[Cheshire]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

When I worked at the orphanage (after growing up there), we gave the child to be spanked the option of picking from several hymns.

The child would then sing the hymn, with spanks falling at the hand-clap points.

For example:

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart <SMACK!>
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart <SMACK!>
Down in my heart to stay

This way, the love of Jesus was quite literally pounded into them!

Brilliance! I think some KJV quotations, in song, would be appropriate.

Spare the rod, spoil the childdd!!!

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

Well, golly, Bob, I hate to imply anything like moral relativism, but might it be wise to use different songs for different offenses?

I imagine little Bertie next door telling his horrible sister, "Ha-ha! You tipped the fridge over and squarshed Mister Kitty-Paws flat! I bet Maw is gonna give you a Texas Two-Step beatin' fer sure!"

Or "I don't care if they find out I ate the last pork chop. It's only an Oh Susanna beating."

The worst would probably be when Paw gets his old Led Zep CD and puts Moby Dick on repeat.

Then did I beat them as small as the dust of the earth, I did stamp them as the mire of the street, and did spread them abroad. 2 Samuel 22:43

~~ OEJ

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

I think you should have somebody play the harmonica...You'd be hearing a lot of it for the next 15 years if you tried it in my state!

What? For trying to properly raise our children. That was a terrible thing to say and you a man of God!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

In Utero is a great album. Not that I condone betaing your kids. Especially not making a sport of it in this fashion. Are you not intellegent enough to punish your kids using means other than violence?

We follow the Holy Word of God, pal. We are fearless in our defense of His Plan, and we couldn't care less what you liberalistas think. Nancy Peloski be damned!!

[JennyD]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

What? For trying to properly raise our children. That was a terrible thing to say and you a man of God!

Brother Bobby-Joe, I believe you made a typo in your post to the pedophilic Papist.

I'm guessing you meant to say, "That is a terrible thing, you saying that you are a man of God!"

[Juliette]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

When i go running to keep my body nice and fit, i like to listen to "Run to hell" by Pink Floyd.

(Gay without a doubt - A guy named Floyd calling himself Pink - but some very nice songs).

It has a natural, repeating rhytm and it goes on forever.

Wonder if it would be usefull for beating children too?

[lord warrior]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

Some of the all drum songs, where they use the african dunjo drums, would be especially appropriate.

[Seeker]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

I think I would just sing this tune to them over and over as I beat them.

Jesus loves the little children**

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Jesus died for all the children,
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus died the little children of the world.

Jesus rose for all the children,
All the children of the world; Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight; Jesus arose the little children of the world.

Jesus wants the little children,
To be careful what they do; Honor father, mother dear
Keep their hearts so full of cheer; Then he'll take them home to glory by and by.

[BIRDBRAIN2008]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

Dueling Banjos from Deliverence you hillbilly

[JennyD]

Re: Best Song to Beat Children To?

Dueling Banjos from Deliverence you hillbilly

Goodness, you must have one powerful right arm to be able to keep up with that tempo!

Tell me, do your children still walk afterward, or do you call an ambulance just prior to administering Godly discipline?