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  • Pastafarian-one
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • May 2007
    • 2
    #1

    Request for enlightenment

    On the subject of baldness, did not the Lord God Jehovah cause bears to come forth and consume some heathens who had made fun of His Prophet's baldness as he slept under a tree in some craphole country a long time ago?

    Verily I seek after this scriptural quotation.


    rAmen
    Tags: None
    • Rachael Van Helsing
      HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
      • Sep 2006
      • 5131
      #2
      Re: Request for enlightenment

      I believe this is what you're after:

      2 Kings 2:22-24
      22So the waters were healed unto this day, according to the saying of Elisha which he spake.
      23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
      Last edited by Rachael Van Helsing; 06-03-2007, 09:38 AM.
      sigpic
      Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

        Comment

        • Bobby-Joe
          Landover Security Superviser
          Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
          NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 18405
          #3
          Re: Request for enlightenment

          Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
          I believe this is what you're after:

          2 Kings 2:22-24
          22So the waters were healed unto this day, according to the saying of Elisha which he spake.
          23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
          A story you sinners should heed before the next time you want to post drivel here mocking The Lord, or Jesus or Landover; God has plenty more flesh eating she bears.

          Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

          Hot Must ReadThreads!


          Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

            Comment

            • Pastafarian-one
              Unsaved trash
              Under Investigation
              • May 2007
              • 2
              #4
              Re: Request for enlightenment

              Dassit, Fraulein Van Helsing.... a big Christian Donkey-shine atcha!

              rAmen

                Comment

                • moofy
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • May 2007
                  • 66
                  #5
                  Re: Request for enlargement

                  YOu know there are medical advances that will help you with this without having to ask for it in prayer.

                  just a thought

                    Comment

                    • Brother Temperance
                      Senior Usher
                      True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                      A very nice young man
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 15621
                      #6
                      Re: Request for enlargement

                      Originally posted by moofy View Post
                      YOu know there are medical advances that will help you with this without having to ask for it in prayer.

                      just a thought
                      Friend, have you encountered Star-Finder yet? I can't help thinking that the two of you would get on scarily well together.


                      And ignoring that, I hope everyone appreciates the full significance of this thread: our Scriptural knowledge and wisdom has become so reknowned that even the Hellbound Pastafarians come to us when they want advice about God's Word! Glory!
                      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • Sister Noddy
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Jun 2007
                          • 1843
                          #7
                          Re: Request for enlargement

                          Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post

                          And ignoring that, I hope everyone appreciates the full significance of this thread: our Scriptural knowledge and wisdom has become so reknowned that even the Hellbound Pastafarians come to us when they want advice about God's Word! Glory!
                          That is soooo true, brother, hellbound pastafarians indeed ... noodly noddy can witness to this downright spaghetti-and-meat-sauce fact ... that no godliness can come to those who sit down to dinner without paise to Jesus ... so listen up everybody and remember to say grace before a meal ...

                          Um ... Pastafarian-one ... haven't I seen you around somewhere ... minister noddy here ... small world, the internet ...

                          1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                          1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...

                          1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                          Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                          Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556
                              #8
                              Re: Request for enlargement

                              Originally posted by minister noddy View Post
                              Um ... Pastafarian-one ... haven't I seen you around somewhere ... minister noddy here ... small world, the internet ...

                              Yeah, probably at a queer bath house in Sin Francisco.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                Comment

                                • Brother V
                                  True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 3481
                                  #9
                                  Re: Request for enlargement

                                  Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post

                                  And ignoring that, I hope everyone appreciates the full significance of this thread: our Scriptural knowledge and wisdom has become so reknowned that even the Hellbound Pastafarians come to us when they want advice about God's Word! Glory!
                                  Brother, I believe even more significant than that pastafarians come here for scripture, is that the verse was provided by a pagan.

                                  It proves that our Bible (kjv1611) study here, is among the best in the world.

                                  If we can get a pagan, like van-helstink, to be able to drop verses at the drop of a hat, imagine how we could help people who even claim to be christians.

                                  This is truly a glorious month.

                                  Just look how the Holy Spirit is moving in the forums.

                                  Praise Jesus.

                                  YIC
                                  V
                                  Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                                    Comment

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