[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

an you wood know cuz yer a sissie?



whyn the devil is this groop makin fun uf my ritin'? i bin werkin since i'm 8 to put food on the tabil, like a good Christin man awta when his daddy gon to mete to Jaysus. poor ol momma dun got snake bit and coodn't werk. me an my bruthers had to werk diggin diches, so no scool.

we aint meen to pawr foke here. caint tell ya bout South Caroliny, but you is makin' fun uf me.

Fred, I'm not making fun of you. The best advice I can give you is to post in the introduction thread. Say hello, and tells us a little about yourself.

Thanks!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

an you wood know cuz yer a sissie?

Sissy, hardly friend. I am rock hard on Christ. I know all about you Left Coast types after my missionary work there. That accent of your is what happens to a man who eats to many avocados.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

Fred, I'm not making fun of you. The best advice I can give you is to post in the introduction thread. Say hello, and tells us a little about yourself.

Thanks!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

oh shur yer not makin fun uf me. you just settin me up fer sumthin. an ol man knoes. they done chainjed my namen call me a hiv, whatever that is. see how they chainjed my namen all? and me a Pastor four mour then 50 yeers. themall jest come down to the panhandel and get there wuppin. theys nuthin but commy hores ennyway prutendin to be menfoke. baptist my ant fanny. thems devil wurshippers.

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

Sissy, hardly friend. I am rock hard on Christ. I know all about you Left Coast types after my missionary work there. That accent of your is what happens to a man who eats to many avocados.

you caint be rock hard, a sissy like you. it probbly as limp as yer rist is, nancy boy. less corse you seein yer naybors boy, then it get rock hard.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

you caint be rock hard, a sissy like you. it probbly as limp as yer rist is, nancy boy. less corse you seein yer naybors boy, then it get rock hard.

This is getting tedioius. I shall attempt a translation. I am from South Carolina so i have encountered this before. I "think" this is what Fred is attempting to communicate.

"It is not possible for you to be Stalwart because you appear to be a Homosexual. You seem to have a tendon issue in your wrist that the son of your neighbor is unable to cure. The ministrations of your neighbors son seem to cause a swelling."

I admit it is a very rough translation. My skills in this particular idiom are limited. I have no idea what he actually means by these words.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[ReverandFredBCastro]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

This is getting tedioius. I shall attempt a translation. I am from South Carolina so i have encountered this before. I "think" this is what Fred is attempting to communicate.

"It is not possible for you to be Stalwart because you appear to be a Homosexual. You seem to have a tendon issue in your wrist that the son of your neighbor is unable to cure. The ministrations of your neighbors son seem to cause a swelling."

I admit it is a very rough translation. My skills in this particular idiom are limited. I have no idea what he actually means by these words.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

you sissie talkin boy! the peeple knoes what I sed.

[JennyD]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

you sissie talkin boy! the peeple knoes what I sed.

It took some work to translate, but I'm pretty sure you said, "If I can't write in English instead of in Liberal God-Mocker Retard, I think you should ban me."

I wholeheartedly agree.

This is a Christian church forum, not some gag site like The Onion. If you care to converse with us and learn the Truth about Jesus and what the Bible actually says, please stay. We're happy to help anyone with a genuine interest understand God's Word.

If you'd prefer to mock Christians and God, take your stereotypes and your caricatures elsewhere.

You've had all the chances you are going to get. Understand?

[ChristianInNC]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

you sissie talkin boy! the peeple knoes what I sed.

"I'm a sissy yalking boy, the paples cows stole my seed?"

Was I close?

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

"I'm a sissy yalking boy, the paples cows stole my seed?"

Was I close?

No. You translated the message from one rural dialect into another. Actually you translated from the swap land dialect found in Louisiana (the poster is NOT from Florida) into the dialect known as the “Beckley” dialect found in the coal country of south central West Virginia.

From what community college did you get your degree in rural American dialects?

Try this translation.

“You suspected homosexual that speaks with a lisp. My “kin folk” (“peeple” is a code word for “family”, often associated with incest) are aware of my message to you.” This is quite possibly a threat to engage in a feud. I’m surprised you didn’t notice this. I personally have taken precautions. I suggest you do the same.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Hateful Nancyboy]

Re: Accept Jesus' love or Satan will rape you!

Everyone intuitively knows that Jesus loves us and will save us from eternal damnation if we only accept Him as our Lord. Yes, the Satan worshiping atheists, skeptics and non-Christian theists refuse this offer and still chooses damnation. What is wrong with these people? Are they insane?

Let me explain the situation to you atheists, skeptics and non-Christian theists this way; a man awakens in a windowless room naked, bent over a table and chained down. He has been kidnapped. The last thing he remembers was he was in a bar drinking, his drink tasted funny and then he passed out. He is utterly helpless. He is confused and disorientated. That naked man is you friend! You are utterly helpless, you are not the master of your own destiny, others are. You don’t even understand how you got there.

Another man slides up to the naked man. This man is dressed in pure white, has blonde hair and kindly blue eyes and is a nigger. The man in white tells the naked man that the man in white loves the naked man deeply. That the man in white wants to care for the naked man and make the naked man happy for all of his days. The man in white doesn’t care how the chained down naked man looks, how wealthy the naked man is or how old the naked man is, the man in white just loves the naked man. The man in white is Christ. Christ loves us all unconditionally!

But here is the catch, the man in white explains to the naked man. The naked man must love the man in white in return, no questions asked. If the naked man can’t do this the man in white will have to step aside and let the man in the gimp suite have his way with the naked man. The man in the gimp suite is lurking in the corner of the basement. The gimp is a vicious pervert, who will do cruel and terrible things to the naked man. The man in white is sorry for the naked man that The Gimp will torture the naked man but those are the rules the man in white made. The man in white’s hands are tied on this (metaphorically speaking). The choice is one the naked man must make.

Friend, the Gimp is Satan. He lurks in the corner of Christ’s basement just looking to have his evil way with you. The only thing that stops Satan is Christ. Now if you are an atheists, you spurn the man in white’s love and willingly let the Gimp come after you with his razor blade covered strap on! How foolish is this? Do you think you will enjoy this? No! Do you think the man in white wants to watch you bleed out your backside? No!

Yet this is what you atheists, unbelievers, skeptics, agnostics and non Christians theists are choosing! To be willingly be raped, torture and murdered by Satan! With every page of the Origin of the Species, God Delusion and the Koran you read you push the man in white away and wiggle your backside at the gimp! For you own self interest at lest love the man in white!

Yours in Christ,
Bobby-Joe Tabor

you make me think sir, but I am such a fool....