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  • Petal
    LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 991

    #1

    what be secrets?

    When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets:
    Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.
    <--- that be deuteronomy 25:11-12


    nows my daddy an my momma an my big borther were drinkin last nite in a bars, when they gots into a brawls wiv some other folk over some lady called Miss.Crystal Meth, i never ever mets Miss.Crystal befores but she be all my familys ever yappity-yap-yap-yap abouts, so anyways there were a big man who were beatin on my daddy when my momma grabbeds the big man by the bawls an then the big man felled on the grounds.

    so then my familys walk outta the bar, an there be our pastor on the corner of the streets wiv one of them ladys who like to wears them clear plastick high heels shoes. my daddy tolded him what happeneds an our pastor saids that momma gonna need to have her hand cutted off cuz that be what it say in the bibles. but i be lookeds at them verses an it say secrets, not bawls

    so what be a man's secrets? please tell me our pastor be wrongs an it not be bawls cuz if i no my momma, she gonna run outta hands by the ends of the week
  • Meek and Humble
    Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar
    Biblical Black Belt
    Jr. Pastor
    True Christian™
    • Dec 2008
    • 6197

    #2
    Re: what be secrets?

    "The secrets" are:

    "feet" (Exodus 4:25)

    "stones" (Deuteronomy 23:1)

    "privy member" (Deuteronomy 23:1)

    "flesh" (Ezekiel 23:20)

    "tail" (Job 40:17)

    "Under the thigh" (Genesis 24:2)

    I hope this has been understood.

    Comment

    • Petal
      LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 991

      #3
      Re: what be secrets?

      Originally posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
      "The secrets" are:

      "feet" (Exodus 4:25)

      "stones" (Deuteronomy 23:1)

      "privy member" (Deuteronomy 23:1)

      "flesh" (Ezekiel 23:20)

      "tail" (Job 40:17)

      "Under the thigh" (Genesis 24:2)

      I hope this has been understood.
      yes, Mr.Basher





      just one liddle tiny thang, what be be tails? cuz it sound like evilution monkey stuff to me! please forgives me

      Comment

      • Cranky Old Man
        Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
        You kids get off his lawn!
         
        • Jan 2010
        • 22380

        #4
        Re: what be secrets?

        Originally posted by Petal View Post
        just one liddle tiny thang, what be be tails? cuz it sound like evilution monkey stuff to me! please forgives me
        Don't worry dear Petal. The tail in Job 40:17 refers to the behemoth (a large animal) God is telling Job about in Job 40:15 "Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox."
        5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
        To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
        James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

        Comment

        • Meek and Humble
          Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar
          Biblical Black Belt
          Jr. Pastor
          True Christian™
          • Dec 2008
          • 6197

          #5
          Re: what be secrets?

          Yes. Stupid evolutionists deny any behemoth ever existed, despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

          Comment

          • Pastor Ezekiel
            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
             
            • Sep 2006
            • 78556

            #6
            Re: what be secrets?

            Even big things can be secrets. Like bears for example.
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • repented harlot70
              Forum Member
              • Mar 2010
              • 213

              #7
              Re: what be secrets?

              Bless your heart, Petal dear.

              You're so very



              It makes me smile. I wish I was that again.





              But not in a homer way.

              Comment

              • Brother Barnabus
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Apr 2010
                • 388

                #8
                Re: what be secrets?

                Look on the bright side Petal darlin' ... you can get your mother a nice new hook for her birthday and maybe even a matching set! and once your mother has a hook or two, there won't be anybody wanting to mess with your family ever again!

                Praise Be, Amen
                Nahum 1:2

                God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.


                If God is Love ... Who created Hell??!!

                Comment

                • Lost Sheep McUinnean
                  Linguistics and Translation Consultant
                  True Christian™
                  • Nov 2009
                  • 2193

                  #9
                  Re: what be secrets?

                  Originally posted by Brother Barnabus View Post
                  Look on the bright side Petal darlin' ... you can get your mother a nice new hook for her birthday and maybe even a matching set! and once your mother has a hook or two, there won't be anybody wanting to mess with your family ever again!

                  Praise Be, Amen
                  Yep, once she's a hooker* no-one will mess with her.




                  (* another word stolen by the slangsters)

                  Comment

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