How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

[SamSeekingSalvation]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

They don't want people to copy the entire thing. It's copyrighted. They want to be able to SELL it!

Probably greedy Joos, wanting to make money of the Lord's Holy World.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

At this point, he accepted that I was right and Christianity was correct, and therefore we agreed that it would be morally wrong for him to sodomise me. Another soul saved for Christ.

Friends, we abandon the one True translation of God's Word at our peril!

Praise! Your prostate was spared the penetrating probing of that pervert! Well done, Brother!

Funny since all these new watered down versions of the Bible have appeared (The NIV wasn't published until 1973) Christianity has become just as watered down.

I was reading over on BibleGateway, and it seems that copying and posting quotes out of the NIV on the internet is strictly prohibited.

http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Now why would the publishers want to restrict the usage of Holy Scripture?

They don't want people to copy the entire thing. It's copyrighted. They want to be able to SELL it!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Meaning the Landovarians are once again lock step with the Catholics. This is yet another endorsement for the NIV. It doesn't have the false doctrine of the Trinity in it.

We are nothing like the Catholics. We believe in the Trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, not the trinity of the Pope, the Virgin Mary and the Death Cookie.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Meaning the Landovarians are once again lock step with the Catholics. This is yet another endorsement for the NIV. It doesn't have the false doctrine of the Trinity in it.

Funny since all these new watered down versions of the Bible have appeared (The NIV wasn't published until 1973) Christianity has become just as watered down.

I was reading over on BibleGateway, and it seems that copying and posting quotes out of the NIV on the internet is strictly prohibited.

http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

These Scriptures have been made available on the Internet for your personal use only. Any other use including, but not limited to, copying or re-posting the Scripture on the Internet is prohibited.

Now why would the publishers want to restrict the usage of Holy Scripture?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Meaning the Landovarians are once again lock step with the Catholics. This is yet another endorsement for the NIV. It doesn't have the false doctrine of the Trinity in it.

How can that be a Catholic doctrine. Catholics wants many gods to support their pagan notions. The Trinity means there is only one God.

[Samuel Coleridge]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Meaning what friend.

Meaning the Landovarians are once again lock step with the Catholics. This is yet another endorsement for the NIV. It doesn't have the false doctrine of the Trinity in it.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

I'm sure you were the life of the party. Another fun little fact to bring up the next time you are not doing keg stands and blow off drag queens, is that no versions of the Bible contain that turn of phrase except those descended from the Catholic Bible and Erasmus' text.

Meaning what friend. Aren't you paying attention; without that power scripture Brother Temperance would be a filthy, hell bound sodomite right now. Only God Himself can save us from transvestites since they look so hot.

[Samuel Coleridge]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

I'm sure you were the life of the party. Another fun little fact to bring up the next time you are not doing keg stands and blow off drag queens, is that no versions of the Bible contain that turn of phrase except those descended from the Catholic Bible and Erasmus' text.

[Sister Charli]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Praise Jesus Brother T.

You did not succumb to temptation.

James 1:12 (King James Version)
12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Shout GLORY!! Thank you, Jesus, for sparing Brother Temperance's poop chute!

I've been preaching for years that the KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible is the ONLY TRUE Word of God.

[Forest Spirit]

Re: How the King James Bible saved me from anal sex!

Sounds like an awesome party, dude why don't people ever invite me to these parties

[Brother Temperance]

So, at the weekend, as usual, I went out looking for drunken fornicating sinners to rebuke. Anyway, at about 2:30-3 a.m., this drunken dyke who was wearing what was clearly a man's shirt, in open defiance of Deuteronomy 22:5, told me there was a party going on at hers, and I thought it sounded like a good opportunity to spread the word to some degenerates. Sure enough, it was a complete nest of vice, as proven by the fact that one room contained a bunch of people doing coke off a mirror, although no one offered me any. I sat down on a sofa and soon enough a skinny black-clad queer with a trendy haircut and hipster glasses gave me a glass of absinthe and started trying to persuade me to fornicate with him. Obviously, as anyone would do, I told him that I absolutely couldn't because the Bible forbids me to do gay stuff, to which he responded that Christianity was just a bunch of made-up fairytales that didn't make sense. I challenged this atheist pervert to give me an example of how the Bible didn't make any sense, and he asked me how God and Jesus could be the same person, despite being different people. Naturally, I whipped out my Bible and pointed to 1 John 5:7 (For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.) At this point, he accepted that I was right and Christianity was correct, and therefore we agreed that it would be morally wrong for him to sodomise me. Another soul saved for Christ.
But just think how different this story would have been if I'd been carrying a different Bible!
Imagine if I'd pulled out a New International Version!
1 John 5:7For there are three that testify:
8the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.

God is replaced by water, of all things, and this water isn't even the same as blood, it just agrees with it! I agree with Wash O'Hanley, but that doesn't make me him!

How about the Message?
1 John 5:6-8 Jesus—the Divine Christ! He experienced a life-giving birth and a death-killing death. Not only birth from the womb, but baptismal birth of his ministry and sacrificial death. And all the while the Spirit is confirming the truth, the reality of God's presence at Jesus' baptism and crucifixion, bringing those occasions alive for us. A triple testimony: the Spirit, the Baptism, the Crucifixion. And the three in perfect agreement.

What kind of message is that? Certainly not God's message, that's for sure! All we know is that God was present at Jesus' baptism. Considering that God is omnipresent all the time, that hardly makes Jesus' baptism or crucifixion sound very special.

What about the New Living Translation?
1 John 5:7 So we have these three witnesses—
8 the Spirit, the water, and the blood—and all three agree.

Again, they agree. New Living Translation? Just looking at this lifeless imitation of God's Word makes me feel a bit dead inside!
I could go on and on, but the point I'm making here is simple. If I'd attempted to prove the doctrine of the Trinity using any of these incoherent mockeries of God's word, I'd only have been able to prove that Jesus and God agree with each other, not that they're the same person. They make the idea of the Trinity seem like nonsense! There is just no way I could have constructed a coherent argument as to why Christianity is correct, and therefore buggery is wrong, based on those false bibles, and so I would have been able to give no reason whatsoever why the skinny fellow with the trendy haircut shouldn't have been able to have his depraved way with me. Friends, we abandon the one True translation of God's Word at our peril!