Bigfoot: The Truth Revealed

[Old Man Hatchet]

Some suggest that Bigfoot is a surviving hominin, such as Paranthropus or Neanderthal. This suggestion is preposterous since its underlying assumption is that evolution, for which there is zero evidence, is true. If one closely examines the facts, a much more plausible explanation presents itself.

Fact 1: Bigfoot is mainly found in the Pacific Northwest.

Fact 2: The Pacific Northwest has the highest rate of marijuana use per capita than any other region of the United States.

These two facts are obviously correlated. Bigfoot sightings are really hippie sightings. Hippies get "high" and wander off in search of an organic food store or a Janis Joplin concert. These potheads are, of course, easily confused and then find themselves lost in the forests of Northern California, Oregon, and Washington.

Bigfoot is hairy and dirty. Hippies are hairy and dirty. Those who report a Bigfoot encounter invariably describe an overwhelming stench. Those who report a hippie encounter invariably describe an overwhelming stench.

Observe this photo of a hippie:



Take away the tie-dyed shirt and bandanna and you get this:



What about the reason behind the moniker--the big feet? Hippies wear sandals. The thongs in these sandals cause blood to collect in the feet. Significant swelling results.



Lastly, Bigfoot is often characterized as being aggressive--one of the proven side effects of cannabis.

There you have it, folks. Bigfoot is an enigma no longer. Only an idiot would refute all of this evidence.

[Purge the Unfaithful]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

Living in Seattle, I always thought Big Foot was a demonic spirit. I mean even the name has sexual connotations attached to it!! (What people say about one's shoe size just leads to all sorts of sexual depravity!!)

I pray in Jesus' name!!!

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

Well this seems like air tight evidence, you should collect your million dollars. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,363457,00.html

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

Fact 2: The Pacific Northwest has the highest rate of marijuana use per capita than any other region of the United States.

I would like a citation for this.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

My dad always told me it was French-Canadian men with their shirts off. , of course they're also well known hippies and known for their natural aggressiveness, so it fits perfectly with Brother Hatchets study.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I would like a citation for this.

Jesus told me. You can find even more proof here.

"From 1999 through 2005, the ratio of Oregonians using cannabis outpaced the general United States population by 32–45%. In 2003–2004, Oregon ranked among the top five states for cannabis usage of people 12 and older. Oregon is also one of the largest cannabis producing states."

[Seth Campbell]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I would like a citation for this.

Never heard of BC Bud? It's British Columbia's #1 export. You can't walk around anywhere in the Pacific North West/Lower mainland without achieving a contact high, it's practically legal here.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

you should collect your million dollars. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,363457,00.html

I would like to mount an expedition to capture one of these profane hippie beasts. Expenses should be minimal--all I require is a net and a handful of granola. The million dollars could be used to help needy pastors.

[Chris T]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I would like to mount an expedition to capture one of these profane hippie beasts. Expenses should be minimal--all I require is a net and a handful of granola. The million dollars could be used to help needy pastors.

A fantastic idea! If you bring an acoustic guitar and a pair of bongo drums, easily obtainable in that collection of evil hippie scum!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I would like to mount an expedition to capture one of these profane hippie beasts.

Sounds interesting! Do you have a date in mind?

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I would like to mount an expedition to capture one of these profane hippie beasts. Expenses should be minimal--all I require is a net and a handful of granola. The million dollars could be used to help needy pastors.

"Needy pastors." I find that offensive. There are very sick and needy children in this world who could use that money. Here's a picture I hope it makes you feel ashamed of yourself.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

Sounds interesting! Do you have a date in mind?

I'd like to take Talitha if she's available.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

I'd like to take Talitha if she's available.

Understood.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: What is Bigfoot?

"Needy pastors." I find that offensive. There are very sick and needy children in this world who could use that money. Here's a picture I hope it makes you feel ashamed of yourself.

All I see is a group of children about ready to have fun with a Frisbee. Their faces look carefree and mirthful. I agree about their neediness. They need to be beaten for playing with toys rather than serving God.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Bigfoot: The Truth Revealed

Brother, I have a question for you.

Once you catch it, how will you convince others that it is really Bigfoot? They'll just say "oh that's a dirty hippie, not the REAL Bigfoot". Now I'm not saying your theory is wrong, in fact I am sure that you're right. I just know how secular scientists roll with this kind of thing.