LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

[James Hutchins]

As some of you know, I have a Masters degree in Organic Chemistry. Now, I did this just as I was entering the House of God© many, many years ago. I was young and foolish (you know how kids are) and did not understand the folly.
In my readings of the Bible, no where does it mention this chemical. Yet, I have it on good authority that secular 'science' has been using it constantly. It is in our reservoirs, it falls from the skies and covers Gods green Earth, getting into everything. I am sure each and every one of you have some in you. Why it is even in the wholesome milk our children drink and the single malt Scotch Rev. Osborne loves so dearly. Being he is a reverend, his highly tuned body is aware of it and on many occasions, he has complained of an abundance ruing his drink. Can you imagine what this substance is doing to the purity of our youngsters?
I know we can get rid of it by burying and by burning it in large steel drums. I'd like to propose using 100 acres of the Hutchins Plantation to retain this menace to Good True Christians™. I'll need donations to dig out a containment pit and line it in concrete as well as filtering system. It would be wise to add a heating system to aid in dealing with it.
It is a sacrifice, but I want to do my part to save us all. Won't you help? As little as $100 a day will make this miracle happen.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

As some of you know, I have a Masters degree in Organic Chemistry. Now, I did this just as I was entering the House of God© many, many years ago. I was young and foolish (you know how kids are) and did not understand the folly.
In my readings of the Bible, no where does it mention this chemical. Yet, I have it on good authority that secular 'science' has been using it constantly. It is in our reservoirs, it falls from the skies and covers Gods green Earth, getting into everything. I am sure each and every one of you have some in you. Why it is even in the wholesome milk our children drink and the single malt Scotch Rev. Osborne loves so dearly. Being he is a reverend, his highly tuned body is aware of it and on many occasions, he has complained of an abundance ruing his drink. Can you imagine what this substance is doing to the purity of our youngsters?
I know we can get rid of it by burying and by burning it in large steel drums. I'd like to propose using 100 acres of the Hutchins Plantation to retain this menace to Good True Christians™. I'll need donations to dig out a containment pit and line it in concrete as well as filtering system. It would be wise to add a heating system to aid in dealing with it.
It is a sacrifice, but I want to do my part to save us all. Won't you help? As little as $100 a day will make this miracle happen.

Thank you for informing the Brethren and Sistren about this important factology, Brother James. While I am but a simple lumberjack, and no organical chemicist myself, I can appreciate the fact that the Lord has forbidden us from perverse and unnatural engagements, among them the consumption of illegal drugs and sodomistic sexomania. I would imagine that the placebo effect alone is sufficient to turn the consumers of this dangerous toxin into anal-sexoholics overnight, and turn them away from all that is Godly and decent. If we could rid the world of this dangerous drug, we could save many young folks from the eternal fire.

[James Hutchins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Thank you Billy Bob. Just so you know, we do need a man who can do some brick laying for the facilities buildings Prayer Chapel and barbecue pit.
The work to maintain this menace will require a full time staff and we need to ensure their comfort performing Gods work.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Thank you Billy Bob. Just so you know, we do need a man who can do some brick laying for the facilities buildings Prayer Chapel and barbecue pit.
The work to maintain this menace will require a full time staff and we need to ensure their comfort performing Gods work.

Though my expertise is in wood working and lumberjackery, I have laid my fair share of bricks, pipe, and cable as well. I am also an experienced supervisor of Mexican'ts and Neegrows; if you have any on site you will need someone to keep them motivated and away from eachother's butts.

[HTannor]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Brother Hutchins, with your advanced degree in organic chemistry, you have extensive knowledge about this scourge, but some of our Brothers and Sisters may need further information about this substance.

In the interest of broadening their understanding, I present, in layman's terms, more facts about this chemical:

Dihydrogen monoxide:

• is called "hydroxyl acid", the substance is the major component of acid rain.
• contributes to the "greenhouse effect".
• may cause severe burns.
• is fatal if inhaled.
• contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
• accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
• may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
• has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

• as an industrial solvent and coolant.
• in nuclear power plants.
• in the production of Styrofoam.
• as a fire retardant.
• in many forms of cruel animal research.
• in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
• as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.

[Alvin]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

I'll need donations to dig out a containment pit and line it in concrete as well as filtering system. It would be wise to add a heating system to aid in dealing with it.
It is a sacrifice, but I want to do my part to save us all. Won't you help? As little as $100 a day will make this miracle happen.

Brother Hutchins, I must admit I had heard of this menace before, but now that you and Brother Tannor have put the threat to mankind in such clear words, I can sit on the Olypmic regulation-size sidelines no longer!


Luke 14:27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

I'm happy to share the burden of containing this dangerous acid and at the same time bear my cross (due to its weight/displacement ratio).

May I also suggest to have a separate, smaller enclosure - perhaps 6x6 feet and 3 feed deep - which would allow artificially oxygenating Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide by direct injection of air, to ensure prompt hydrogen-bonding of any existing free radicals?

On an even smaller level, using a modified Erlenmeyer Kolben, I would even volunteer to facilitate hydrogen-bonging with any True Christian Brothers or Sisters in Faith.



YiC,

Alvin

[328 Sins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Boycott this evil chemical then, it will surely go away if we stand united against it. Once it has succesfully been stopped then things can resume with alternatives to it. The absense of this chemical amoung us can only only make us stronger than all non believers, along with faith in the lord heathens will die in their own self made acid rains in chink land, abbo island and the likes.

[Barry]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Thank you James for your great work helping to rid the world of this fiendish chemical. Please keep me informed of your progress building the waste storage facility. Once completed, I could probably contribute a couple of liters a day. Normally I rather guiltily flush it down the toilet and worry what it might be doing in the enviroment. So this really does answer my prayers.

[James Hutchins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Every little bit helps. Only with the support of the True Christians™ can we make this dream a reality. Once completed, all Gold and above contributors will be given thier own keys to the facility to bask in Gods Glory.

[HTannor]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Brother James: word of your project must be spreading throughout the interwebs.


I just received notice from one of my operatives that says:

"Your Honor, I have just been contacted by one Okobono Obangy who asked if it would be acceptable to invest in the “Jammes Hutchinson” project." The note reads:

To: (operative name deleted due to confidentiality agreements)

From: Mr. Okobono Obangy
Nigerian Consulate
The Hague,
The Netherlands

Greetings, good sir. May the blessings of our beneficent Lord be upon you.

It has come to my attention that a Mr. Jammes Hutchinson of Freehold, Iowa, is developing a project that will rid our wonderful earth of a nefarious chemical that causes so much misery for many.

My homeland faced that same problem many years ago and we eradicated it by expanding the Sahara Desert to sop up as much of this substance as possible. The project was an outstanding success and now there is little of this chemical to be found.

We financed the desert expansion by imposing modest annual taxes on every person in our nation. Through an unfortunate oversight the tax was never repealed and we have, shall we say, an “embarrassment of riches” that keeps growing annually.

Which brings me to the reason I am in correspondence with a good sir such as yourself.

We are prepared to forward the sum of $43,000,000 U.S. dollars as our investment in this battle to eradicate the nuisance chemical from your environment.

In order to release the funds we will need certain information from you which I will be prepared to discuss if your countryman is interested. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
“Okie”

Brother James, as a Jurist of some repute, I approach most things with a sense of caution and this offer reaffirms my instincts.

My chief concern is that the $43 million might entitle them to "Gold" or above status thus granting them their own keys to the facility. I shudder to think that a tribe of them would show up, use the key to gain entrance, and overwhelm the filtration system.

Perhaps I'm being alarmist, but.............

[Hannah Is Saved]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

When I first read this thread, I was sure Brother Hutchinson was exaggerating. Surely there is no such chemical! But after doing my own research, I found that not only does it exist, but it;s everywhere, and is dangerous!
This chemical can be found on every continent in the world in abundance. Why, it's even in all the food we eat! However, despite being so common, is has potentially lethal side affects.
Consumption of this chemical can cause excessive urination, excessive sweating, and if too much is ingested, can cause death! Not only this, but approximately 3,300 people fall in and die in large pools of this chemical every year, in the United States alone!
This horrible chemical must be eradicated! Surely God would not want such a vile thing to ruin his very own creation?

[James Hutchins]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

• My name Is Hutchins.

[Hannah Is Saved]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

• My name Is Hutchins.

Sorry, I know a James Hutchinson and I mixed your names up.

[Rev. Friday Obobo]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Brother James: word of your project must be spreading throughout the interwebs.


I just received notice from one of my operatives that says:


Brother James, as a Jurist of some repute, I approach most things with a sense of caution and this offer reaffirms my instincts.

My chief concern is that the $43 million might entitle them to "Gold" or above status thus granting them their own keys to the facility. I shudder to think that a tribe of them would show up, use the key to gain entrance, and overwhelm the filtration system.

Perhaps I'm being alarmist, but.............

I must warn you for this Okobono character. He's a scammer. Did he write he would transfer 43 million US Dollar? The fool doesn't even have 2 Naira to scratch his behind with. Besides Nigeria doesn't border to the Sahara desert so I don't know what he's talking about with that solution of his.

Ofcourse I will be more than happy to donate $100 into your project to get rid of this foulsmelling chemical.

YiC,

Rev. Friday Obobo

[HTannor]

Re: LBC Stands at the Forefront against Di-Hydrogen-Monoxide

Ofcourse I will be more than happy to donate $100 into your project to get rid of this foulsmelling chemical.

That's quite generous of you, Rev. Obobo.


By the way, where did you get the $100?


I would hate to think it was scammed from a Godly American™ in some sort of Nigerian scheme.