Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

It is very gratifying indeed to see the great advances of Creation Science at Landover University, and how you follow the most rigorous scientific procedures in order to assure an unbiased result in every experiment, Praise! I imagine the monkey's experiment is in preparation of what we will do to finally test if women have a soul, right, Brother? Please inform me of your results on that matter, I am greatly interested...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

The homersexural mice experiments excite me the most. Praise Jesus, we may be on the verge of a breakthrough!

Our Landover Creation Scientists have nearly figured out a way of making some queer mice bite off the tallywacker of other queer mice! If we can perfect this technique, it could reduce the sodomite mouse population immeasurably! Glory!!

[KJV4me]

Re: Vivisection in Landover! Tour the Laboratory

This is so exciting! I've always had a disdain for secular "science," but now I see that TRUE science is Biblical, educational, and a testament to God's genius in His creation of life.

Glory!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I know from the letters and emails we get here at Landover that many of you are interested in the Creation Science Laboratories we have here. I hear you ask, “What would Landover want with laboratories? Are they not used by evil scientists who wish to thwart the Curses of God without Salvation™ or Prayer? Are they not hives of the Devil himself?” (Yes, yes, enough questions, I get the picture.)

No, here we go in for Biblical Science (BS) so called to distinguish it from So-Called Science (SCS)
Let me tell you of some of the exiting things that we are doing:

• Did God put things in a cat that it doesn’t need?

Here we took pieces out of a cat, reviving it each time, and observed whether it died or not. When it died we concluded that the piece last taken out was essential. (I must say that there really are a lot of things a cat can live without but that doesn’t mean that God put them there for fun – we must examine each piece to see if it is mentioned in The Bible – you have no idea how long “entrails” are!)

• Is the fur on rabbits’ ears essential?

Here you see a rabbit with its ears singed by a blow-torch. The rabbit could still hear people coming towards it, so, it probably doesn’t need the fur. This was an exciting find because it meant that animals don’t need fur, so fur coats are OK. (Ge:3:21: Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them. – so there was probably fur attached)

• Ex:11:7: But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. Well, will a dog move its tongue against Israel? And if so, how?

Well, we put a joo in the room with the dog and, in this state, the dog did not bark! Praise! We now know a little more about the muscles in the throat and tongue – but it’s all a bit messy and so we’ll have to do this again with more paper towels!

• Do animals have a soul, however tiny?

Here is a monkey that is helping us discover whether it has a soul. The experiment involved cutting off pieces of its brain, carefully weighing them and then cutting a bit more off. The weight of the monkey was monitored at all times. This experiment was not a great success because the infernal monkey kept jumping about as this was being done.


Well, I hope this has given you a taste for Biblical Science. And don’t forget, Landover needs to build a new vivisection laboratory – so keep those donations flowing in!