Explain of easter please

[Hitoshi]

I am confuse what is easter. okay I understand you paint chicken egg for appease giant monster bunny rabbit but why is jesus need so much chocolate? please make explain of your primitive belief.

also I am want wish all my good friend at landover Happy easter!!!! I am hope your day is full with happy success and many lucky smile!!!!!!

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Explain of easter please

Goodness! On or around Easter was when Jesus rose from the dead, emerging from His tomb in a cave that was much like an outsized rabbit-hole. An egg is like a stone (smooth, hard, cannot sing) and angels rolled a stone away from Jesus' tomb so that He could emerge from the cave.

Thus His resurrection is represented by rabbits and Easter eggs. Jesus is, metaphorically, the Lamb of God who comes forth like a chicken from an egg which, coincidentally, must have rolled into a rabbit hole.

Now, in the 16th Century the Spaniards were inflicting God on the Peruvians when they discovered chocolate. They immediately realized that it would ease the pagans' transition to Christianity if they incorporated this tasty substance into the Godly traditions of Easter, and -- et voila! -- the chocolate Easter egg was born.

Or laid.

Interestingly, in much of Argentina the armadillo takes the place of the Easter bunny, and children are given marshmallow starfish instead of chocolate eggs. Oh those wacky Argentinians!

They hatch cockatrice' eggs, and weave the spider's web: he that eateth of their eggs dieth, and that which is crushed breaketh out into a viper. Isaiah 59:5

~~ OEJ

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Explain of easter please

I always thought this is where Easter Eggs came form?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Explain of easter please

I am confuse what is easter. okay I understand you paint chicken egg for appease giant monster bunny rabbit but why is jesus need so much chocolate? please make explain of your primitive belief.

also I am want wish all my good friend at landover Happy easter!!!! I am hope your day is full with happy success and many lucky smile!!!!!!

The word "Easter" comes from the Pagan goddess "Oestre" - she is a fertility goddess and there is a major celebration for her on the vernal equinox (the first day of spring). The rabbits and eggs are fertility symbols.
The early Christians stole the name and the symbols, and decided to use them to celebrate the story of their god's resurrection. That's why Easter is always celebrated the first Sunday after the vernal equinox.
Chocolate bunnies and painted eggs have nothing to do with Jesus.

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Explain of easter please

Dances-with-Joey, are you calling my extensive elaboration a lie?

Dern it! Here you have a username that implies lighthearted skipping and happy prancing, and you are so darned serious it makes my fillings ache.

Might not marshmallow Peeps be a symbol of the sorrows of Balaam's ass? Why not say that a Cadbury egg represents the gooey goodness of the Holy Ghost invading Mother Mary's naughty-plumbing in order to hatch a veritable Chocolate Jesus which, 2000 years after the fact, Tom Waits would celebrate in a mighty hymn entitled (NOT COINCIDENTALLY) "Chocolate Jesus"? (See this YouTube vid.)

Might we not say that the Old English "Oestre" is a corruption, post-temporally and anti-entropically, of the term "Easter" as used in so many archaeologically significant Hallmark greeting cards? Surely God works backwards in time as well as forwards. He is aeternal and therefore acausal as well as acaudal.

(I swear, the only thing more dour and cheerless than a Catholic with piles is a Wiccan with a grudge.)

O! Eastertime is nearly nigh!
There's ham to bake and eggs to dye!
Christ did rise, and so will I
When in the Rapture up I fly!

But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. Philippians 4:18

Keep thou the odour of a sweet smell at all times.

~~ OEJ

[Wide-Open]

Re: Explain of easter please

Chocolate bunnies and painted eggs have nothing to do with Jesus.

You make Easter Bunny (and Jesus) cry.

Joshua 19:20
And Rabbith, and Kishion, and Abez

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Explain of easter please

Dances-with-Joey, are you calling my extensive elaboration a lie?

"Lie" implies that you ae being intentionally deceptive. Perhaps you really believe the misinformation you disseminate. If so, then you're not a liar so much as you are deluded.

Dern it! Here you have a username that implies lighthearted skipping and happy prancing, and you are so darned serious it makes my fillings ache.

I get that way when people try to hijack my religion.

Might not marshmallow Peeps be a symbol of the sorrows of Balaam's ass?

No.

Why not say that a Cadbury egg represents the gooey goodness of the Holy Ghost invading Mother Mary's naughty-plumbing in order to hatch a veritable Chocolate Jesus which, 2000 years after the fact, Tom Waits would celebrate in a mighty hymn entitled (NOT COINCIDENTALLY) "Chocolate Jesus"? (See this YouTube vid.)

I'm quite familiar with the music of Tom Waits - he's fantastic. But that doesn't make Cadbury eggs symbolic of the Holy Ghost. It makes them symbolic of eggs.

Might we not say that the Old English "Oestre" is a corruption, post-temporally and anti-entropically, of the term "Easter" as used in so many archaeologically significant Hallmark greeting cards? Surely God works backwards in time as well as forwards. He is aeternal and therefore acausal as well as acaudal.

Archaeologically significant Hallmark cards? LMAO!

And no, I don't think that it's possible for "Oestre" to be a post-temporal corruption of "Easter." Your guys plagiarized my ancestors' holy day.

(I swear, the only thing more dour and cheerless than a Catholic with piles is a Wiccan with a grudge.)

Eclectic Pagan, not Wiccan. There's a difference.

O! Eastertime is nearly nigh!
There's ham to bake and eggs to dye!
Christ did rise, and so will I
When in the Rapture up I fly!

No ham for me, thanks. But I will dye some free-range eggs.

But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. Philippians 4:18

Keep thou the odour of a sweet smell at all times.

~~ OEJ

That's why I shower every day.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Explain of easter please

Eclectic Pagan, not Wiccan. There's a difference.

Yes, because wiccans just make their religion up as they go along, whereas you, um...

[SUV]

Re: Explain of easter please



Oh! I think it's also

(Which would you prefer?)

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Explain of easter please

Hitoshi, I am ashamed that you have seen this sad thrashing of a Springtime rite.

And Dances, I... Well, I just don't know what to write. I am not sure if you're a real thicko or just pretending to be thick.

The twenty-first-century retro-superstition of Eclectic Paganism (Electric Priapism?) is no more a free-standing, pure "religion" than any other social construct. The pre-Christian pagans probably stole Oestre from earlier woad-tattooed primitives, who stole their spring celebration from a bunch of grinning Cro-Magnons with shell necklaces, who in turn stole it from some hulking grunting Neanderthals.

Saying "Your religion stole its spring celebration from my religion, WHICH NEVER STOLE NOTHIN' FROM NOBODY" is preposterous. Every social construct thieves from others, both prior and contemporary.

Get over it.

Mormons stole most of Christianity and pasted it into their nutcake cult worshiping Joe Smith. Islam stole the Abrahamic ideas of the Old Testament and whupped them into their own Arab date fondue.

You bastard Electric Priapists, for instance, thieved our Christian chocolate eggs! THERE WERE NO CHOCOLATE OESTRE EGGS IN PRE-CHRISTIAN EUROPE! But now you pagan vegans can buy "Rose City Vegan Chocolate Easter Egg 4 Pack $25.95" and let me tell you right now, no woad-tattooed Druid ever passed down a tradition of CHOCOLATE EGGS!

Ya STOLE it from us!

Oh, come on. Get over it and start dancing with joy.

I know I am!

~~ OEJ

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Explain of easter please

Oh! I think it's also

(Which would you prefer?)

Sweet Sister Sue, thank you for reminding me to go to Wal-Marts today and purchase Ham, Ham Hocks, Hamburger, Arkansas Bacon, Ground Pork Sausage, and some Little Smokies. I plan to make an Easter Ham along with my famous Bacon Wrapped Baptist Pork Loaf for Easter this year as I am expecting a number of God's favorite folks to visit my home this Easter. I think I'll start the day off with scrambled eggs, little smokies, and biscuits and gravy.

PS Oh Yes! Easter is the day that our Sweet Baby Jesus arose from the dead to walk among us!

PS PS For you heathens, Easter has absolutely nothing to do with the movies, Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days, I am Legend, and so forth, so wipe those sick thoughts out of your sick minds!!!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Explain of easter please

Hitoshi, I am ashamed that you have seen this sad thrashing of a Springtime rite.

And Dances, I... Well, I just don't know what to write. I am not sure if you're a real thicko or just pretending to be thick.

The twenty-first-century retro-superstition of Eclectic Paganism (Electric Priapism?) is no more a free-standing, pure "religion" than any other social construct. The pre-Christian pagans probably stole Oestre from earlier woad-tattooed primitives, who stole their spring celebration from a bunch of grinning Cro-Magnons with shell necklaces, who in turn stole it from some hulking grunting Neanderthals.

Saying "Your religion stole its spring celebration from my religion, WHICH NEVER STOLE NOTHIN' FROM NOBODY" is preposterous. Every social construct thieves from others, both prior and contemporary.

Get over it.

Mormons stole most of Christianity and pasted it into their nutcake cult worshiping Joe Smith. Islam stole the Abrahamic ideas of the Old Testament and whupped them into their own Arab date fondue.

You bastard Electric Priapists, for instance, thieved our Christian chocolate eggs! THERE WERE NO CHOCOLATE OESTRE EGGS IN PRE-CHRISTIAN EUROPE! But now you pagan vegans can buy "Rose City Vegan Chocolate Easter Egg 4 Pack $25.95" and let me tell you right now, no woad-tattooed Druid ever passed down a tradition of CHOCOLATE EGGS!

Ya STOLE it from us!

Oh, come on. Get over it and start dancing with joy.

I know I am!

~~ OEJ

I never said that early Pagans had chocolate bunnies or chocolate eggs- I said that the use of rabbits and eggs during Oestre celebrations was symbolic of fertility.
Christians use the Pagan symbols to celebrate their holiday even though those symbols have nothing to do with Jesus.

And by the way, European Christians stole chocolate from the Mayans...

[SUV]

Re: Explain of easter please

Ham, Ham Hocks, Hamburger, Arkansas Bacon, Ground Pork Sausage, and some Little Smokies. I plan to make an Easter Ham along with my famous Bacon Wrapped Baptist Pork Loaf for Easter this year as I am expecting a number of God's favorite folks to visit my home this Easter. I think I'll start the day off with scrambled eggs, little smokies, and biscuits and gravy.

My God YES, Mother Glynndie!!!
And maybe even for Dessert - maybe? maybe?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Explain of easter please

My God YES, Mother Glynndie!!!
And maybe even for Dessert - maybe? maybe?

SNICKERDOODLES!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Explain of easter please

SNICKERDOODLES!

I was sorta looking forward to the pink bunny/cooter cake again this year.