[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Who knows? Maybe, like me, they never open envelopes with unidentifiable stains on them? Or perhaps, again like me, they had a subsequent engagement?

I hope your party is all that we expect of it, dear. We're certainly having fun here!

Bless you,
AW

Hun,

It just breaks my heart SO that you aren't here with us. I know your husband would have had to control his natural urges but you would have been the perfect guest - like the other 250 or so that are enjoying a relaxing massage or a cool Christini in the solarium. I wanted very much to welcome you. I am sure we'll get together - sometime.

In CHRIST, my strength, my Savior, my soon-coming King,
NRL

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

tl; dr

PS: Oh, my - Basilissa and Heather - did your invitations get lost again?

Who knows? Maybe, like me, they never open envelopes with unidentifiable stains on them? Or perhaps, again like me, they had a subsequent engagement?

I hope your party is all that we expect of it, dear. We're certainly having fun here!

Bless you,
AW

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Poor Charity. Inconsolable and uneducable. Such a terrible combination.


Dear Sisters: I assure you that my entry was 99.9% my work. It amazes me that True Christian(TM) women would balk at the fact that a couple of my employees helped ensure the ears were sticking up straight while I worked on my red velvet cross that bleeds pudding on the kneeling penitents below.


Sister Kate would never speak evil of me - she and I our bound by our love in Jesus (and our appreciation of the many ways aluminum foil can be used). We share tastes in music, Bible verses, and dresses. One day, when she finds the glory of serving Jesus to be consuming her soul like nothing else, I know we will be true sisters in the LORD. Speak not untruths of her, for as we are taught in 1st Corinthians, we will always defend those for whom we feel true love and charity. (1 Corinthians 13)


I have no doubt that our judges will be honest in the selection of the best entry. By the way, exactly whom would that be?


I must get back to my housewarming party for now. Put petty jealousies aside, ladies. I have nothing but love for each of you.


NRL


PS: Oh, my - Basilissa and Heather - did your invitations get lost again?

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Sister Daisy Mae is a shoo-in for the prize, yet again! But - as some would do well to remember - it's not all about winning, it's about taking part. And I assume the rule is still that it has to be all your own work, not the work of the staff?

Sister Basilissa, that is a gorgeous effort, who could resist such a delicious-looking combination of white purity and chocolate!

Ma-of-7, such a wonderful effort from your little one and your boys' antics always make me smile.

One of my great-granddaughters (4) made this, and dusted it with icing-sugar.



I don't know the significance of the bell round the neck. Anyway, she was going to ice it properly when she got back from Bible study for pre-schoolers. Unfortunately, one of her older brothers had other ideas.

As Ma-of-7 so wisely says:

Marzipan can be very difficult to work with.

Poor little Charity was inconsolable, but we are going to have another try tomorrow.

[Basilissa]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Sister Daisy Mae, what a beautiful cake! Really, why bother having a contest, when we all know (and it's proven once again) that your skills are absolutely superior!

Sister Mo7, what talented children you have! Maybe one of these cakes will earn your Godly family the second place in this competition!

Sister Tara, what a lovely cake, but where is Jesus on it? I'm afrait it may get disqualified by the judges.

I see that some of you have put a lot of effort into baking these cakes, while some bitter and hateful old maids are bragging about themselves and criticizing others, but are not able to produce an actual entry for the contest.

Well, anyway, I know that my skills are nowhere near those of Daisy Mae, but here it is - my entry:

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

NRL, Kate read your comment about her cake, and was inspired to make one for you. She'll be delivering it to you later this afternoon.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

This one is submitted by my 10 year old daughter. Marzipan can be very difficult to work with.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

This "Jesus" vaguely reminds me of your husband after he's had a few too many puffs of magic tobacco, dear. LOL
Oh, just kidding. I know he doesn't get high - just ragingly drunk. God bless, sister.

NRL

Don't worry dear. You'll be broke and leaving town soon. The only locals who have frequented your 'establishment' are the local riff-raff of 16 year old boys. And desperate old widowers. They all say your pie tastes rancid. They're worried what they might catch from it.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Hopefully I am allowed an entry so here is mine




Love your cake Daisy Mae!!!!

Tara, darling - this is simply adorable! Such talent you have, unlike some of these other showboats. This speaks of the warmth and promise of spring, and is so elegant. Absolutely charming.

Your friend,
NRL

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Meanwhile the boys snuck into the kitchen when I wasn't around. They came up with this:





They've already been punished soundly for wanting to do women's work.

This "Jesus" vaguely reminds me of your husband after he's had a few too many puffs of magic tobacco, dear. LOL
Oh, just kidding. I know he doesn't get high - just ragingly drunk. God bless, sister.

NRL

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Oh, Heather, dear,

I didn't know your poor child had such little talent. You are so brave for allowing "it" to try. Unfortunately, in Freehold there are winners and losers and the losers must learn to deal with it. I hope you won't make your darling little illiterate sit through the judging only to be mocked - and the cake looks terrible, too.

I'll pray for the unfortunate little dear.

Your Sister in Jesus,
NRL

It's far better than your heathen rabbit. Where in the Bible, may I ask, does it mention a rabbit in connection with Easter? Maybe I should send my daughter around to you to give you a lesson in being a True Christian (tm).

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Meanwhile the boys snuck into the kitchen when I wasn't around. They came up with this:





They've already been punished soundly for wanting to do women's work.
Then the silly boys went outside to hone their knife skills, and left the kitchen window open. You can see the result

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Greeting LOLs (Ladies of Landover)

Today I present to you the 12th annual Easter Bake Off! Whoever bakes the most beautiful and tasty Easter cake wins a $50 gift card to the Olive Garden in the Leviticus Landing Shoppette.

Pastor Zeke and Brother James Hutchins are the lucky judges this year. No cheating ladies.

Here for the judges review is my submission.

Oh, Daisy, LOL. Now really, dear, where is your actual entry?
You're such a funny little thing! No one would believe you are actually entering that pathetic looking pile of goo - I'm glad I saw through the joke.

Love and Hugs,
NRL

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

Oh, Heather, dear,

I didn't know your poor child had such little talent. You are so brave for allowing "it" to try. Unfortunately, in Freehold there are winners and losers and the losers must learn to deal with it. I hope you won't make your darling little illiterate sit through the judging only to be mocked - and the cake looks terrible, too.

I'll pray for the unfortunate little dear.

Your Sister in Jesus,
NRL

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Easter Bake Off!

My 5 year old daughter wishes to enter this cake:




She tells me it's a lamb, if you believe it. But I give her A for trying.