Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

[Seeker]

Not sure where to post this at. I was surfing and could not find what I was looking for - hence my new thread.

I know the difference between the teachings of the second coming and the rapture. (or all the ones that them false Christians debate over) I was just wondering if some of you godly blessed pastors could give me a deeper understanding on your statement of faith on the issue.

Do you want me to give you a run down of what I was taught or I can just be silent and wait for a reply. TIA.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

Believe in the rapture? Believe in the rapture?!? Honey, we practically INVENTED the rapture!

But seriously, we were among the very first churches to believe in the rapture. In university I remember coming across an article from the 1850's called "God is just and therefore shall not let us defecate on our deathbeds". It was by an LBC pastor and showed how advanced our research was even in those ancient times.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

Hahahahaha! Trent is having a little fun with you. There is not ONE iota of Scripture that mentions a rapture until all the dead have risen and all the heathens have been killed at Armageddon.

This entire 'rapture' idea is based loosely upon 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 and Matthew 24:29-31 and most certainly does not apply to anyone except God's Elect, which are the Landover Pastors.

Common people should not get the idea they are going to be 'raptured'. They aren't. It shall be your duty to follow JESUS into battle and kill ten of the enemy before allowing yourselves to be killed.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

You mean all that money I spent on insurance, in case my car crashes after I'm raptured....Wasted?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

You mean all that money I spent on insurance, in case my car crashes after I'm raptured....Wasted?

I mean that you would better off spending a little more on LIFE insurance by tithing more to Landover. Thirty percent is fine and dandy, but we know you are raking it in over there. How much are your insurance premiums in Baghdad?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

I mean that you would better off spending a little more on LIFE insurance by tithing more to Landover. Thirty percent is fine and dandy, but we know you are raking it in over there. How much are your insurance premiums in Baghdad?

I thought the whole tithing thing only meant official income, like what you put on tax forms. Life insurance? In Iraq? This place is safer than a Wal-Mart in Anytown, USA.

BTW I see what my mistake was: that article must have been written before the Baptist Church separated between the Southern Baptist, and those weird cults that opposed slavery. Pre-civil war politics sure were weird.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

Hahahahaha! Trent is having a little fun with you. There is not ONE iota of Scripture that mentions a rapture until all the dead have risen and all the heathens have been killed at Armageddon.

This entire 'rapture' idea is based loosely upon 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 and Matthew 24:29-31 and most certainly does not apply to anyone except God's Elect, which are the Landover Pastors.

Common people should not get the idea they are going to be 'raptured'. They aren't. It shall be your duty to follow JESUS into battle and kill ten of the enemy before allowing yourselves to be killed.

Aaaaah, so that explains it! Many people seem to be mixed up or misinformed about the rapture Pastor Al, and so was I ...

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

My friends at Shell insure me that it is in fact quite simple. We use all of the earth's natural resources and then Jesus comes and takes the True Christians(TM) to heaven. If you want some non-biased literature on the subject I'm sure any of the major oil companies would be willing to provide.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

I thought the whole tithing thing only meant official income, like what you put on tax forms. Life insurance? In Iraq? This place is safer than a Wal-Mart in Anytown, USA.

BTW I see what my mistake was: that article must have been written before the Baptist Church separated between the Southern Baptist, and those weird cults that opposed slavery. Pre-civil war politics sure were weird.

I can only presume you intentionally misunderstood that when I said "Life" insurance, I meant "ETERNAL LIFE" insurance and that you are havng a little joke with me as well.

Let me tell you son, that we pastors are pretty serious when your eternal soul is at stake! If people tithed what they put on their income tax statements, we would be as poor as the Southern Baptists we tossed out of here years ago. YOU HAD BETTER BE TITHING A FULL MEASURE OF YOUR FAITH! I'm going to have some of our JOO lawyers dress up as ragheads and do a leeeetle audit on your financial statement.

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

You could just hand your assets, the deed to your house and all your credit information over to the church and let them take care of everything.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

I'm sorry, honeslty. It's all the morphine talking. I was heroically tending to the wounds of an injured civilian under heavy Iranian fire when I accidentally injected the morphine into my hand.

I'm not myself right now. I repent!

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

The first thing lost in war is innocence. During the Falkland war I cut my finger while opening a beer bottle. Where's my parade?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

The first thing lost in war is innocence. During the Falkland war I cut my finger while opening a beer bottle. Where's my parade?

I am raining on it until you get your tithing schedule up to date. Do we have to send Brother Rocco over again?

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

Hahahahaha! Trent is having a little fun with you. There is not ONE iota of Scripture that mentions a rapture until all the dead have risen and all the heathens have been killed at Armageddon.

This entire 'rapture' idea is based loosely upon 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 and Matthew 24:29-31 and most certainly does not apply to anyone except God's Elect, which are the Landover Pastors.

How right you are, Pastor. As the Holy Bible says:

After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues,
Stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands;
And cried with a loud voice, saying, Salvation to our God which sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb.
Revelation 7:9-10

And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God,
Saying, Amen: Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever. Amen.
And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?
And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation,
and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.
Revelation 7:11-14

So most Christians will not be Raptured. Only 144,000 will be.
The rest will have to face the tribulation.

[Seeker]

Re: Erm, does LBC believe in the rapture

Firstly, thank you Pastor Pistle.

Okay, how do you get 144,ooo from those verses? I thought those were just the 'special' Jews that God decides to save and not the christians present.

How would you explain Mathew 25, the parable of the 10 virgins? I thought that verse was like a rapture thing. I know there are more parables that I can not think of right now.

Then they say because of Inach,(sp) and how God warned Noah, yada, yada, that God will always let the rightous know before he strikes out with his anger. That was part of what I was taught. But now that I am typing this, surely their were no true christians in Hurricane Katrina and 9/11. I guess nobody there was the chosen elect?

Which brings me to pre-trib, mid-trib, and end-trib or whatever. then the 7 years of triblulation.

So the rapture word is not even in the bible. Do you think some will be waiting forever or maybe some need to figure out who will take care of their pets when they are zipped out of here in a twinkling of and eye? They really need that in their will or some legal document.

Then there is... the dead in christ shall rise to meet him in the air. Hhhmm, I wonder if that is teaching 'soul sleep' and noone that are dead are in hades or paradise at the moment. Then the great white throne of judgment(when the 7 years is done) when god basically DID keep track of all our sins even though he says that * he forgets them as far as the east and west. I am ramblin now.... It was a long day.

Grrr, this subject always confuses me...