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  • Meserti
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Dec 2007
    • 65
    #1

    you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

    I feel like having a laugh, please make it so.
    so do try and convert me, it would be ever so funny. I fear not hell and care not to tithe, I see it as a waste of time actually.
    I find your ideology inane and your theology imbecilic, so do try, this shall be fun.

    your time starts...now
    Tags: unsaved and clueless
    • eliot mayfield
      God Squad
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 9324
      #2
      Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

      why waste our time?
      Matthew:
      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


      sigpic

        Comment

        • Meserti
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
          • Dec 2007
          • 65
          #3
          Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

          well I do have a need for humor, do be a sweet and satisfy my hunger to laugh.

            Comment

            • Brother Temperance
              Senior Usher
              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
              A very nice young man
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 15621
              #4
              Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

              You've got it the wrong way around. You have an indefinite and unknowable amount of time to convert and repent of your sins. If you don't, you'll have an eternity to regret it.
              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78556
                  #5
                  Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                  Originally posted by Meserti View Post
                  well I do have a need for humor, do be a sweet and satisfy my hunger to laugh.
                  Oh how you will rue the day that you mocked God in such a hateful way.

                  Let me explain to you how being unsaved trash works when you die.

                  You're dead. Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begin falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
                  As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
                  Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

                  Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.
                  Hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page at once to set up a Salvation™ guaranteeing tithing schedule.
                  Surrender you soul to Jesus and
                  JOIN US.
                  Praise Jesus!
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • VictoryOS
                      True Christian™ Beauty Queen
                       
                      • Dec 2007
                      • 5388
                      #6
                      Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                      Originally posted by Meserti View Post
                      I feel like having a laugh, please make it so.
                      so do try and convert me, it would be ever so funny. I fear not hell and care not to tithe, I see it as a waste of time actually.
                      I find your ideology inane and your theology imbecilic, so do try, this shall be fun.

                      your time starts...now
                      We hath not to do not what whence we capture with eagle's wings upon the ever so graceful forthwith of intelligence.

                      I'm trying to speak your language. Am I doing it right?
                      Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
                      in 2016

                        Comment

                        • eliot mayfield
                          God Squad
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 9324
                          #7
                          Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          Oh how you will rue the day that you mocked God in such a hateful way.

                          Let me explain to you how being unsaved trash works when you die.

                          You're dead. Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begin falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
                          As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
                          Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

                          Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.
                          Hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page at once to set up a Salvation™ guaranteeing tithing schedule.
                          Surrender you soul to Jesus and
                          JOIN US.
                          Praise Jesus!

                          Somebody just got "Pastorized!"
                          Matthew:
                          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                          sigpic

                            Comment

                            • Brother Temperance
                              Senior Usher
                              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                              A very nice young man
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 15621
                              #8
                              Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                              Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
                              We hath not to do not what whence we capture with eagle's wings upon the ever so graceful forthwith of intelligence.

                              I'm trying to speak your language. Am I doing it right?
                              Friend, if it weren't for those last two sentences I could honestly have believed that you were possessed by a demon of gothism. Impressive stuff.
                              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                Comment

                                • Bobby-Joe
                                  Landover Security Superviser
                                  Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                                  NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 18405
                                  #9
                                  Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                                  Originally posted by Meserti View Post
                                  well I do have a need for humor, do be a sweet and satisfy my hunger to laugh.
                                  The only laughing will be us Christians and Jesus at you when Satan is turkey slapping you with his barbed tallywacker if you don't repent.

                                  Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                                  Hot Must ReadThreads!


                                  Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                                    Comment

                                    • VictoryOS
                                      True Christian™ Beauty Queen
                                       
                                      • Dec 2007
                                      • 5388
                                      #10
                                      Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                                      Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                                      Friend, if it weren't for those last two sentences I could honestly have believed that you were possessed by a demon of gothism. Impressive stuff.
                                      Maybe I've discovered my calling. Does Landover Baptist have a Goth Outreach Program?
                                      Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
                                      in 2016

                                        Comment

                                        • Piercing_Rosethorne
                                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                          • Jan 2008
                                          • 15
                                          #11
                                          Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                          Oh how you will rue the day that you mocked God in such a hateful way.

                                          Let me explain to you how being unsaved trash works when you die.

                                          You're dead. Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begin falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
                                          As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
                                          Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

                                          Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.
                                          Hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page at once to set up a Salvation™ guaranteeing tithing schedule.
                                          Surrender you soul to Jesus and
                                          JOIN US.
                                          Praise Jesus!
                                          Well sir if you know so well how this plays out surely you've experienced it first hand.

                                            Comment

                                            • imogene
                                              Unsaved trash
                                              Under Investigation
                                              • Jan 2008
                                              • 5
                                              #12
                                              Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                                              Originally posted by Piercing_Rosethorne View Post
                                              Well sir if you know so well how this plays out surely you've experienced it first hand.
                                              It's called using the imagination. Though it seems he enjoys much more imagining about damnation than salvation.

                                                Comment

                                                • Piercing_Rosethorne
                                                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                                                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                                  • Jan 2008
                                                  • 15
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: you have 30 minutes to try to convert me

                                                  Originally posted by imogene View Post
                                                  It's called using the imagination. Though it seems he enjoys much more imagining about damnation than salvation.
                                                  Nonetheless of what you'd call it, I find it vulgar and find him undeserving of position/title of Pastor.

                                                    Comment

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