Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Brothers I need your help please. Today Sister Heidi Clare came to me and told me she has caught her son Ming twice this past week. She was distraught and asked me what to do.

I thought a little and then I told her to shave a spec of his head and tattoo a scarlet letter on it so he had to walk around in shame, letting everyone know he was a chronic M'er.

Did I do the right thing? What would you have suggested?

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Brothers I need your help please. Today Sister Heidi Clare came to me and told me she has caught her son Ming twice this past week. She was distraught and asked me what to do.

I thought a little and then I told her to shave a spec of his head and tattoo a scarlet letter on it so he had to walk around in shame, letting everyone know he was a chronic M'er.

Did I do the right thing? What would you have suggested?

Helpful, Sister Thumper

Perfectly appropriate, Sister! The next time, he should get one on his forehead!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Shouldn't it be a "M"?

I'd have glued his hand to his "thing" and made him walk around the church for 24 hours.

[Just James]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I'm sure a pastor will correct me on this, but if he continues to M after his parents have explicitly told him not to, would that be considered sufficiently disobedient as to merit giving him up to be stoned to death?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I'm sure a pastor will correct me on this, but if he continues to M after his parents have explicitly told him not to, would that be considered sufficiently disobedient as to merit giving him up to be stoned to death?

You are correct. The sin of Onanism is punishable by death. While that might seem completely counterproductive, it isn't. God has to chase down the one sperm in those millions that has a proto-soul for recycling. One cannot simply spray seed all over the place and expect GOD to pick through it.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Brothers I need your help please. Today Sister Heidi Clare came to me and told me she has caught her son Ming twice this past week. She was distraught and asked me what to do.

I thought a little and then I told her to shave a spec of his head and tattoo a scarlet letter on it so he had to walk around in shame, letting everyone know he was a chronic M'er.

Did I do the right thing? What would you have suggested?

Helpful, Sister Thumper

I assume that scarlet A stands for Part A??? Or is it A masturbator? Anyway, my son Skeeter just about wore four holes through his bedroom floor (one under each of his bedposts) before we caught him playing with his little train set. We told Skeeter if he kept it up, he'd look just like Hitoshi some day and our blessed lil Skeeter quit cold turkey!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I assume that scarlet A stands for Part A??? Or is it A masturbator? Anyway, my son Skeeter just about wore four holes through his bedroom floor (one under each of his bedposts) before we caught him playing with his little train set. We told Skeeter if he kept it up, he'd look just like Hitoshi some day and our blessed lil Skeeter quit cold turkey!

I assume the A is for auto erotica? Thank GOD the ALMIGHTY that Skeeter made it out of puberty. If anyone should have been smitted it would have been him. We have such a kind and forgiving GOD.

GLORY!

[Adam Nelson]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Brothers I need your help please. Today Sister Heidi Clare came to me and told me she has caught her son Ming twice this past week. She was distraught and asked me what to do.

I thought a little and then I told her to shave a spec of his head and tattoo a scarlet letter on it so he had to walk around in shame, letting everyone know he was a chronic M'er.

Did I do the right thing? What would you have suggested?

Helpful, Sister Thumper

I'm inclined to say yes, but honestly I think you were still far too lenient in the advice for her child. We must not let liberal parenting ideals such as timeout and kindly conversation about committed sins corrupt proper law and discipline.

I notice you did not make mention of striking the child with a rod, which means he will feel a sense of entitlement no matter the other punishments are given out. So next time, do not spare the rod and most certainly tell her to ostracize the boy to a scary and wooded area on the outskirts of your town, so he may reflect on his sins whilst adorned in a scarlet M.

After that, he may be worthy enough to face a week's worth of ridicule in Sister Heidi Clare's local gallows, just to make sure he's properly vented of the spirit of M.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Did I do the right thing? What would you have suggested?

Helpful, Sister Thumper

Sister, I can't help you with these things, you'll need self-help. I am not aware of all these modern abominations.

However... you gave me a bit of a jolt there. For a few years now, I have been wondering what that vague sign was that became visible because of my receding hairline. I couldn't for the life of me understand why there was something resembling the letter "A" plastered all over my forehead.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but I need to think and pray long and hard about this one.

[Mrs. Robert Roberts]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

For shame I say! That boy needs a good shalackin.
I caught little Robert doing that very same thing while he was looking at some pornography that Mr. Roberts left out on the table. Let me tell you, he did not sit down for a week and he NEVER looked at that National Geographic filth again! You have to keep them in line or the devil will surely snap them up.

Mrs. Robert Roberts

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I put a chastity belt on each of my sons right after they were potty trained.

[Just James]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I put a chastity belt on each of my sons right after they were potty trained.

I was looking at one of those for my own sons - but don't they have to be taken off to pee? And if they can take it off to pee, they can take it off to M.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I was looking at one of those for my own sons - but don't they have to be taken off to pee? And if they can take it off to pee, they can take it off to M.

You unsaved must live like animals to say something this stupid. Of course they can, that is why every good and TRUE Christian mother makes sure she supervises her sons when they use to potty to make sure they are not touching themselves. If you are letting your children pee without adult supervision you mine as well give them hand lotion and girly magazines.

[Just James]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

Anything you say, brother.

BTW, "Supervisor" is spelled or at the end.

[Bob4God]

Re: Punishment for Young Men Who "M" Too Much

I believe that the sinful urge to "M" is why hardly anybody is going to go to Heaven. JESUS doesn't want to spend eternity with people who are more interested in their own selfish pleasure than in what He did on the cross to atone for their own selfish pleasures.

My advice would be to remove the boy's bedroom door, and accompany him to the toilet. Handcuff him to bed at night so he cannot get his hands "down there." This will instill positive traits in him that he will carry through his adult life.

If worse comes to worse, a stoning or bodily modification administered by True Christian doctors or farmers might be the only thing that will save him from eternal damnation! (I hear rubber bands are the cheapest way to go about this, and gives him ample time to think about how his actions have affected his family and JESUS.)