Young Girl's Question

[Glendora Christianson]

I moved this to the parenting forum becuase this poor girl is suffering from some pretty strange parenting! Her letter is below.

Dear Mrs. Christianson, my name is Moonbeam and my parents run an organic goat farm in Iowa Falls. My parents don’t believe in organized religion but they do meditate to the wheat grass we grow. Last week we came to Freehold to the Dairy Queen which was a real treat. When we drove by your church I was amazed by it. I have never seen such a fancy church in my life. I asked Sandlewood (that’s my dad but he makes me call him Sandlewood) about your beautiful church, he told me it was built with money you trick innocent people into giving you. Then Sandlewood told me if God really liked your pastors you wouldn’t have to take money from people because all you’d have to do is ask God for the money and he would give it to you. Is this true?

Lordy! You poor child! Run to the bus stop, get on the bus and go as far away from those parents of yours as you can! I am too shaken to answer your question, perhaps our pastors can.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

I moved this to the parenting forum becuase this poor girl is suffering from some pretty strange parenting! Her letter is below.

Dear Mrs. Christianson, my name is Moonbeam and my parents run an organic goat farm in Iowa Falls. My parents don’t believe in organized religion but they do meditate to the wheat grass we grow. Last week we came to Freehold to the Dairy Queen which was a real treat. When we drove by your church I was amazed by it. I have never seen such a fancy church in my life. I asked Sandlewood (that’s my dad but he makes me call him Sandlewood) about your beautiful church, he told me it was built with money you trick innocent people into giving you. Then Sandlewood told me if God really liked your pastors you wouldn’t have to take money from people because all you’d have to do is ask God for the money and he would give it to you. Is this true?

Lordy! You poor child! Run to the bus stop, get on the bus and go as far away from those parents of yours as you can! I am too shaken to answer your question, perhaps our pastors can.

Dear Moonbeam. I hid a dollar bill under the planter by the door of the Freehold DQ. Next time you are there, take it and call security (1-911) from the payphone. Tell them "Sandalwood at the Dairy Queen". We will send someone right over to buy you a chocolate sundae. If the dollar is gone, the call is free anyway.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Why on earth would you get her a sundae?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

So she has something to do while we are 'interrogating' her father. When she wakes up she will be safely ensconced in a beautiful Landover live-in school.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

One sundae? When she wakes.........oh
*Note to self - Do not accept any sundaes from Pastor Al*

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Does your little girl like chocolate?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

*Note to self - never accept babysitting offers from Pastor Al*

[Hushed_Agony]

Re: Young Girl's Question

Lordy! You poor child! Run to the bus stop, get on the bus and go as far away from those parents of yours as you can! I am too shaken to answer your question, perhaps our pastors can.

Sister Glendora, Pastor Al, did the child come into the fold of Landover?
I pray she did and be freed from those hippy, lyin' minions of Satan. With their hippygrass and smooth tongues. *Spits* I've only been around for a short time and I know that the fine folks of Landover will show her the way. Those sundaes do sound good though.

Isaiah 49:20
The children which thou shalt have, after thou hast lost the other, shall say again in thine ears, The place is too strait for me: give place to me that I may dwell.

Hope she is well and her father and mother.......well we know what will happen to them.

YIC
Hushed

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Young Girl's Question

Hope she is well and her father and mother.......well we know what will happen to them.

YIC
Hushed

"We know"? I assure you we have no knowledge what so ever about that couple beyond what that dear and recently abandoned child told us.

On a separate and off-topic note; thanks Pastor Zeke for the loan of the wood chipper. As a thank you for the loan I had your wood chipper thoroughly cleaned.

[Hushed_Agony]

Re: Young Girl's Question

"We know"? I assure you we have no knowledge what so ever about that couple beyond what that dear and recently abandoned child told us.

On a separate and off-topic note; thanks Pastor Zeke for the loan of the wood chipper. As a thank you for the loan I had your wood chipper thoroughly cleaned.

Ahem, Brother Bobby-Joe, apologies, I uh...well you know what I meant...I meant..as far as this childs dastardly, deceitful and non-christian way following parents have, I am sure found their way into forgiveness and made right with our Lord and Saviour, JESUS CHRIST!

YIC
Hushed

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Young Girl's Question

As a thank you for the loan I had your wood chipper thoroughly cleaned.

To get all the Sandlewood out of it.

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Young Girl's Question

I think I will most assuredly go by the live-in school to see if she has arrived. I need a new kitchen maid. Is this child a nigra by any chance?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Young Girl's Question

On a separate and off-topic note; thanks Pastor Zeke for the loan of the wood chipper. As a thank you for the loan I had your wood chipper thoroughly cleaned.

No problem Brother BJ. And thank you for cleaning it out so well. It was all gunked up from when I loaned it to Brother Deaner last October. He needed it because he bagged something like 17 witch covens last Helloween, and couldn't burn them fast enough. Of course he kept it until spring...

It does have a certain hippie reek to it now though. I'll have one of my nigra boys douse it with Old Spice, something I buy by the drum.

[Hushed_Agony]

Re: Young Girl's Question

No problem Brother BJ. And thank you for cleaning it out so well. It was all gunked up from when I loaned it to Brother Deaner last October. He needed it because he bagged something like 17 witch covens last Helloween, and couldn't burn them fast enough. Of course he kept it until spring...

It does have a certain hippie reek to it now though. I'll have one of my nigra boys douse it with Old Spice, something I buy by the drum.

Pastor, I may have to borrow that there chipper here soon, I have some "trees" that need to be chipped.

[Lady Sorrow]

Re: Young Girl's Question

I moved this to the parenting forum becuase this poor girl is suffering from some pretty strange parenting! Her letter is below.

Dear Mrs. Christianson, my name is Moonbeam and my parents run an organic goat farm in Iowa Falls. My parents don’t believe in organized religion but they do meditate to the wheat grass we grow. Last week we came to Freehold to the Dairy Queen which was a real treat. When we drove by your church I was amazed by it. I have never seen such a fancy church in my life. I asked Sandlewood (that’s my dad but he makes me call him Sandlewood) about your beautiful church, he told me it was built with money you trick innocent people into giving you. Then Sandlewood told me if God really liked your pastors you wouldn’t have to take money from people because all you’d have to do is ask God for the money and he would give it to you. Is this true?

Lordy! You poor child! Run to the bus stop, get on the bus and go as far away from those parents of yours as you can! I am too shaken to answer your question, perhaps our pastors can.

Mother Glendora, is it not possible to rescue this poor girl and take her to Landover as soon as possible?
Surely one of the Godly women here could take care of her and get her away from those hellbound parents who would see their daughter forever writhe in flames?