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My niece is warping her child by putting him into SOCCER!
I write to you, my fellow Landover True Christians™ for some sage advice on how to control this situation. See, I have a niece who is a bit of a rebellious harlot. She goes to a one of them liberal "Christian" churches where they allow women to be ministers and they read from the heretical NIV "Bible". Thus, her parenting skills can be questioned outright, seeing as her soul is not right with the Lord and easily swayed by Satan's hand.
She has just put her 8 year old in sports, she told me over the phone. Excellent, I thought! Then she broke the dire news to me: SOCCER, or in the Queen's parlance, "football". I was devastated. Immediately I began protesting over the phone: "Have you lost your mind? Do you want him to become a homosexual?". Then she got all nasty with me and said "You know Uncle Jim you're always like this...everything is about homosexuals or Jesus. That's all you ever talk about." and she promptly hung up the phone.
I really care about my grand-nephew's welfare and I'm concerned about his partaking in this homosexual "sport". Soccer is not a Real American Sport, like baseball, basketball, or FOOTBALL (the REAL Football, NFL style with Johnny Unitas and John Elway and Jim Brown). She could've put him in one of those sports. No, she puts him in the trendy, metrosexual activity of "soccer".
Either the boy's going to turn out a flaming metrosexual like David Beckham who marries a beautiful woman but gets his kicks by doing anonymous cruising activities in men's restrooms, or he's going to become one of this drunk, rambunctious, vile "soccer hooligans", like the kind you see in Merry Ol' England. The options don't look good for this kid.
Finally, my last concern is about the scoring. You see, there is no scoring. It's one of those "equality leagues" where boys and girls are on the same team, and they don't keep score so at the end both teams are "winners". What kind of values does this instill in our children? Are we not setting them up on the road to Communism with this thinking? Good, all-out competitive spirit is part of America! It's what made us invent the automobile, the airplane, the computer, the television, the radio, the steamboat, the jet, the spacecraft, and the Wheel! We always want to be one step ahead of the rest of this Godless world, and that's what makes America Number One!
So, how should I approach this? I know it's her son and all, but obviously I have better judgement since I am right with God and all my morality stems from Him. How much further should I intervene?
She has just put her 8 year old in sports, she told me over the phone. Excellent, I thought! Then she broke the dire news to me: SOCCER, or in the Queen's parlance, "football". I was devastated. Immediately I began protesting over the phone: "Have you lost your mind? Do you want him to become a homosexual?". Then she got all nasty with me and said "You know Uncle Jim you're always like this...everything is about homosexuals or Jesus. That's all you ever talk about." and she promptly hung up the phone.
I really care about my grand-nephew's welfare and I'm concerned about his partaking in this homosexual "sport". Soccer is not a Real American Sport, like baseball, basketball, or FOOTBALL (the REAL Football, NFL style with Johnny Unitas and John Elway and Jim Brown). She could've put him in one of those sports. No, she puts him in the trendy, metrosexual activity of "soccer".
Either the boy's going to turn out a flaming metrosexual like David Beckham who marries a beautiful woman but gets his kicks by doing anonymous cruising activities in men's restrooms, or he's going to become one of this drunk, rambunctious, vile "soccer hooligans", like the kind you see in Merry Ol' England. The options don't look good for this kid.
Finally, my last concern is about the scoring. You see, there is no scoring. It's one of those "equality leagues" where boys and girls are on the same team, and they don't keep score so at the end both teams are "winners". What kind of values does this instill in our children? Are we not setting them up on the road to Communism with this thinking? Good, all-out competitive spirit is part of America! It's what made us invent the automobile, the airplane, the computer, the television, the radio, the steamboat, the jet, the spacecraft, and the Wheel! We always want to be one step ahead of the rest of this Godless world, and that's what makes America Number One!
So, how should I approach this? I know it's her son and all, but obviously I have better judgement since I am right with God and all my morality stems from Him. How much further should I intervene?
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