Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

[Larry Lee]

By now, you've all seen the posters announcing Landover's 9th Annual Father Daughter Purity Ball, which will be held next weekend at the Marriott, where this year's theme is Butterfly Kisses.

The Purity Ball is a special time in every girl's life, when her father takes her to a fancy-dress dance, and at the end of the evening they exchange purity pledges. He pledges to protect her hymen. She pledges to stay a virgin and forswear all knowledge of Designer Laser Hymenoplasty®.

Here's the pledge Pastor Zeke will recite to his daughter, Stacy:

I, Stacy's father, choose before God to cover Stacy as her authority and protection in the area of Sexual Purity. I will be sexually pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over Stacy and my family as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

And here's the pledge that little Stacy will recite to Pastor Zeke:

"I pledge to remain Sexually Pure until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband. I know that God requires this of me and that He loves me and that He will reward me for my faithfulness.

Here's a few photos from last year's Ball:



What a wonderful Godly Ball! Of course, I think we all remember last year's "incident" out in the parking lot. WHICH WILL NOT BE REPEATED THIS YEAR! As this year's safeguard of purity, Warrior In Christ has been charged with escorting each father-daughter couple from the parking lot to the ballroom and then back to their car at the end of the evening. Also, as an additional resource for purity, Warrior will escort the girls to the powder room when they need -- and perhaps around the hotel to admire the furnishings, if they choose.

Now, ya'll don't hesitate to purchase your $83 per person tickets. They're going fast

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

That is soooooo beautiful Brother Larry. Almost makes me wish Tater was a girl.

Bless their precious lil hymens.

Touched, Sister Thumper..

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Pastor Zeke has a daughter?

He's not . . . divorced, is he?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Pastor Zeke has a daughter?

He's not . . . divorced, is he?

Heavens no Brother Knees, what ever gave you that idea about Pastor Zeke?

You haven't meet Stacy? You probably have, she is just every quite and doesn't get out much. Pastor Zeke is home schooling her.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

My mistake, B-J. As you know, I don't get to Freehold nearly as much as I'd like; usually only for major events, when there are over 150,000 people in attendance! It's not hard to miss people during those times.

Makes me wish the church would hurry up and implement those Individual GPS Tracking Tags I'd read about the Freehold Truth and Light. You stick them to your right hand -- it looks like a little Jesus mark -- and then the whole Church membership can track your whereabouts down to one-meter accuracy! It'd be impossible to lose a friend or loved one in the crowd again!

But I heard recently that they're focused on linking the tags to bank accounts, so you don't have to carry credit cards any more. You just grab the sales clerk's rod, and your account is automatically debited. How convenient!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

My mistake, B-J. As you know, I don't get to Freehold nearly as much as I'd like; usually only for major events, when there are over 150,000 people in attendance! It's not hard to miss people during those times.

Makes me wish the church would hurry up and implement those Individual GPS Tracking Tags I'd read about the Freehold Truth and Light. You stick them to your right hand -- it looks like a little Jesus mark -- and then the whole Church membership can track your whereabouts down to one-meter accuracy! It'd be impossible to lose a friend or loved one in the crowd again!

But I heard recently that they're focused on linking the tags to bank accounts, so you don't have to carry credit cards any more. You just grab the sales clerk's rod, and your account is automatically debited. How convenient!

They do sound very convenient. We here at Pastoral Security are very excited about them I can tell you. There is also a discussion about putting the tracker and the mark on the forehead as a backup. Sound very Godly to me.

The tracker will certainly be just is what the Almighty is calling for with the Purity Ball. We could implant them into the daughters as they take their oaths and the girls would be able to prove their sincerity.

[Deaner]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

Brother Larry, I don't quite get this part of the pledge. Is Pastor Zeke alluding to his daughter's hymen or something else?

[SASF]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Brother Larry, I don't quite get this part of the pledge. Is Pastor Zeke alluding to his daughter's hymen or something else?

I believe it is something else Brother. Although I can't be sure. I don't know Pastor Zeke that well. I am sure Brother Larry will enlighten us when he is next on line.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

I believe it is something else Brother.

Say Sister SASF, aren't you chaperoning the girl's Purity Slumber Party after the Ball? Pastor Pistol was just telling me that with you running it "that's one party no guy is getting into". I hear this year theme for the slumber party is a belly dancing costume. Would be pretty racy if it wasn't a girl only thing.

[SASF]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

By now, you've all seen the posters announcing Landover's 9th Annual Father Daughter Purity Ball, which will be held next weekend at the Marriott, where this year's theme is Butterfly Kisses.

The Purity Ball is a special time in every girl's life, when her father takes her to a fancy-dress dance, and at the end of the evening they exchange purity pledges. He pledges to protect her hymen. She pledges to stay a virgin and forswear all knowledge of Designer Laser Hymenoplasty®.

Here's the pledge Pastor Zeke will recite to his daughter, Stacy:

I, Stacy's father, choose before God to cover Stacy as her authority and protection in the area of Sexual Purity. I will be sexually pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over Stacy and my family as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

And here's the pledge that little Stacy will recite to Pastor Zeke:

"I pledge to remain Sexually Pure until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband. I know that God requires this of me and that He loves me and that He will reward me for my faithfulness.

Here's a few photos from last year's Ball:



What a wonderful Godly Ball! Of course, I think we all remember last year's "incident" out in the parking lot. WHICH WILL NOT BE REPEATED THIS YEAR! As this year's safeguard of purity, Warrior In Christ has been charged with escorting each father-daughter couple from the parking lot to the ballroom and then back to their car at the end of the evening. Also, as an additional resource for purity, Warrior will escort the girls to the powder room when they need -- and perhaps around the hotel to admire the furnishings, if they choose.

Now, ya'll don't hesitate to purchase your $83 per person tickets. They're going fast

Brother Larry, forgive me if this seems over forward, but I would like to offer my own services in this so worthy cause. A cause that I feel strongly about.

I note that Brother "Stumpy" (if I may be that familiar) has undertaken many duties recently, and am prepared to relieve him of some of the burden. I do wonder, too, if exposing these impressionable young ladies to a strong and virile grown man such as Brother WIC at this stage in their lives is wise?

Hence I will undertake to escort them to and from the powder room and around the hotel if they choose, leaving Brother WIC to concentrate on the carpark and the fathers. I believe a woman's gentle and understanding touch will be of benefit to these young and inexperienced girls at this formative stage of their lives.

[SASF]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Say Sister SASF, aren't you chaperoning the girl's Purity Slumber Party after the Ball? Pastor Pistol was just telling me that with you running it "that's one party no guy is getting into". I hear this year theme for the slumber party is a belly dancing costume. Would be pretty racy if it wasn't a girl only thing.

Well, ahem, Brother. We are trying to keep the details underwraps. There will be only one entrance and a "gender test" thereat, to make sure that it is a girl's only event. It is not a great secret, it is simply that at the girl's only pjama party it became most tedious having to reject young Daggerspine all of the 14 times he turned up at the door dressed as a girl.

(That is where letting that heathen Rachael come was useful. She undertook to examine Dagger herself and persuade him not to return. I have no idea how she did it, but it seemed to work.)

[lilith]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Wouldn't it just be simpler to invest in some chastity belts? I understand they're available for men & I'm sure they'd get used to them. Eventually.

[Lady Sorrow]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

Oh my, how wonderful! Am I invited? And if so, will I need to bring those special prayer kneepads like last time?

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

I imagine there will be loads and loads
of praying if you really want to taste
the sweet, sweet love of Jesus, Lady S!

You should definitely plan to strap on
your knee pads and enter the Ladies
of Landover's prayer circle with wide open
heart and mind; Jesus will deeply fill
you with His Spirit!

[Larry Lee]

Re: Purity Ball coming up! No diddling this year

This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

Brother Larry, I don't quite get this part of the pledge. Is Pastor Zeke alluding to his daughter's hymen or something else?

Good question, Deaner. This is an excellent example of how God uses everyday language to communicate His divine purposes.

Down on the farm, stallions "cover" the mares during estrus and, hopefully, produce a foal with outstanding qualities. Thus, "covering", copulation and reproduction and all related, and God uses those linguistic associations to let us know how important it is for a girl to give her "heart" to Daddy, so that, in turn, Daddy can pass her "heart" on to his future son-in-law. Verily, in God's world, a female's "heart" must never stray from the protective custody of a responsible male, either the female's father or her husband, both of whom are Godly men who know what's best when it comes to the care and feeding of female "hearts."