[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I used to masturbate as part of my depraved interest in the occult. This was of course before Pastor Ezekiel saved my soul, made a few phone calls, and got me out of prison. When I would masturbate it was with the intention of hurting Jesus. The knowledge that I was causing the scourge to rip extra flesh from Christ's already gaunt form frequently increased my sensation to increase until white hot semen would ejaculate from my intumescent member, onto a mental image of His Holy Face. Now I acknowledge that these are the practices of an unsaved mind, one who has not seen the light of Christ and received the Good News into his heart, in a spirit of repentance. All unsaved people think that sort of thing whilst molesting themselves in sadistic abandon.

If I ever met the old me on the streets, I would cut off both of his hands, to save Jesus the temporary agony he went through to guilt me.

[TheHoly]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

PEOPLE PEOPLE PLEASE, IF THE KJV BIBLE STATES IT'S MORALLY WRONG, THEN IT IS!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Masturbation is a perfectly normal and healthy activity. Try knocking before you enter your son's room and respecting his privacy.

The tramp admits to yet ANOTHER perversion. Why am I not surprised? How many times have you abused your lady place today? Three? Four? Five times?

The thought of a lesbian like your rubbing herself "down there" makes me want to lock myself in my prayer closet for an hour! Shame on you!

[Fleur-de-lis]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Masturbation is a perfectly normal and healthy activity. Try knocking before you enter your son's room and respecting his privacy.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

HAHA! to the maker of the thread: You sir are a piffleing crazy devout dipshit.
To be friggen honest, I watch porn, I masturbate, I play video games. What now? gonna tell me to repent? ask for forgiveness? BITCH PLEASE. Hey to all the people still living in the 1st century, masturbation is VERY normal, it relieves stress, and the desire. What now? beat me up?

If what you say is true, why is the world in such a mess?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

There's only 1 reasonable solution to such a disgusting crime against god. Off with his penis! Yes, cut his penis off and stitch it up. Then there's nothing he can do.

Son, your prescription strikes me as rather cruel and sadistic. God was much more merciful to Onan than that.

[TheHoly]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

There's only 1 reasonable solution to such a disgusting crime against god. Off with his penis! Yes, cut his penis off and stitch it up. Then there's nothing he can do.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

HAHA! to the maker of the thread: You sir are a piffleing crazy devout dipshit.
To be friggen honest, I watch porn, I masturbate, I play video games. What now? gonna tell me to repent? ask for forgiveness? BITCH PLEASE. Hey to all the people still living in the 1st century, masturbation is VERY normal, it relieves stress, and the desire. What now? beat me up?

Maybe you are reluctant to refer to the Bible (KJV1611), but surely you have someone to quote that advocates the purpose of life is to continually wank yourself silly until it's all over.

The real fun begins when we finally get to Heaven to celebrate with Jesus. Nancy Pelosi was right, we have to pass the "Bill" to find out what is in it.

[Seven7r]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

HAHA! to the maker of the thread: You sir are a piffleing crazy devout dipshit.
To be friggen honest, I watch porn, I masturbate, I play video games. What now? gonna tell me to repent? ask for forgiveness? BITCH PLEASE. Hey to all the people still living in the 1st century, masturbation is VERY normal, it relieves stress, and the desire. What now? beat me up?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Jacking off is natural, I love it. I'm a young lesbian, and I can't figure out better ay to relieve the stress. You should try it, and wipe your ridiculous words off.

Why are you so keen to tell us you are a disgusting pervert? Are you trying to shock us? Let me tell you, young lady, that even if you went into the most obscene detail of every single bean flick you cannot disgust us any more than you already are doing. We have dealt with many of your kind.

Jesus drew you here for a reason. You know deep inside that your sexual perversion is an abomination or why are you even here? It's difficult, I know, to admit you are wrong and that everything you have been told is a lie but the people who have told you that all the things you are doing that God hates are natural have no regard for your soul. They just want to use you like a doll for their own gratification.

The good news is that it's not too late. We have many ex-gays among our brethren who are more than capable of listening to your every misdemeanour and counselling the gay away.

Gayness is a choice and once you have renounced this sin and accepted Jesus into your soul you will know peace from the inner torment that drives you to debase yourself in this way on the interwebs.

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Jacking off is natural, I love it. I'm a young lesbian, and I can't figure out better ay to relieve the stress. You should try it, and wipe your ridiculous words off.

Isaiah 59:3
For your hands are defiled with blood, and your fingers with iniquity; your lips have spoken lies, your tongue hath muttered perverseness.

YIC

Jack

[Derp is here]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Jacking off is natural, I love it. I'm a young lesbian, and I can't figure out better ay to relieve the stress. You should try it, and wipe your ridiculous words off.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

If I ever caught one of my boys masturbating with the goal to spurt the thick seed of Gods love all over himself, After I finished filming (to retain evidence of the deed to show the Pastor) I'd place the child's hands in the pot of oil we use to deep fry a turkey.

I'm pretty sure you'd be filming so you could get some instant replay for your own self-serve later.

Did you even bother to read his post before spewing out all that hatred? He said that he would be turning the video over to me!

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I'm pretty sure you'd be filming so you could get some instant replay for your own self-serve later.

What kind of sick individual are you to think of THAT!

You need Jesus in you life.

Proverbs 21:27

The sacrifice of the wicked is abomination: how much more, when he bringeth it with a wicked mind?


YIC

Jack

[cabrin]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

If I ever caught one of my boys masturbating with the goal to spurt the thick seed of Gods love all over himself, After I finished filming (to retain evidence of the deed to show the Pastor) I'd place the child's hands in the pot of oil we use to deep fry a turkey.
As the oil bubbles around his pink and browning skin, I'll recite Genesis 38:9 "And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother."
I'll remind the child that the oil is half as hot as the brimstone that is spewed from the rectum of the Devil and that each time he masturbates to realize it is the devils grip on his turgid, pink erect member.

In my opinion, you must interact with your boys if you are going to raise them right. You have to get involved in their life.

I'm pretty sure you'd be filming so you could get some instant replay for your own self-serve later.