[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Well, I've never been with another man before, and I don't have any want to. But I feel that somewhere deep down inside me I have become...corrupted. I want to get it out of me! I want to accept the light of God!

Please! I don't want to die in Sin! I want these evil demons out of me! I'll do whatever it takes! Please! Tell me what I must do!

But it sounds like satan is whispering in your ear that slurping on some stranger's tallywacker might be an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon, am I right?

Friend, the most important thing for you is to sign up with Landover Baptists' internationally famous ex-queer program, BASH. We have several ex-sodomites among the normal people in our congregation, thanks to Betty Bowers and her close friend, Jesus.

Click on the Paypal button below and send us your down payment. I'll be praying for you, to get those demons out of your colon.

[Free At Last]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

But it sounds like satan is whispering in your ear that slurping on some stranger's tallywacker might be an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon, am I right?

Friend, the most important thing for you is to sign up with Landover Baptists' internationally famous ex-queer program, BASH. We have several ex-sodomites among the normal people in our congregation, thanks to Betty Bowers and her close friend, Jesus.

Click on the Paypal button below and send us your down payment. I'll be praying for you, to get those demons out of your colon.

I'll sign up for BASH, just to be on the safe side. You can never be too careful when the Devil is up to his evil tricks.

How much money must I donate to be accepted by God? I don't him to think I am too stingy with my money like one of those Joos.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

I'll sign up for BASH, just to be on the safe side. You can never be too careful when the Devil is up to his evil tricks.

How much money must I donate to be accepted by God? I don't him to think I am too stingy with my money like one of those Joos.

Well, that all depends. The Holy Bible states that you should Tithe 10% of your gross earnings.

Lev 27:32 And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

Num 18:26 Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, [even] a tenth [part] of the tithe.

That is, unless you are poor or destitute. In that case, Jesus says that you need to give everything you have to us.

Mark 12:41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. Mark 12:42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. Mark 12:43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: Mark 12:44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Don't worry, Jesus will return whatever you give Him 100 times over. Guaranteed!

We take credit cards and cash (U.S. Dollars). Praise Jesus!

[Free At Last]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Well, that all depends. The Holy Bible states that you should Tithe 10% of your gross earnings.

Lev 27:32 And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

Num 18:26 Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, [even] a tenth [part] of the tithe.

That is, unless you are poor or destitute. In that case, Jesus says that you need to give everything you have to us.

Mark 12:41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. Mark 12:42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. Mark 12:43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: Mark 12:44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Don't worry, Jesus will return whatever you give Him 100 times over. Guaranteed!

We take credit cards and cash (U.S. Dollars). Praise Jesus!

I'll give 20% for now just in case something horrible happens in the future where I'll need some extra money. I can buy Jesus's love in advance, can't I?

[Nobar King]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Blueberries are best!!

According to this moron gothtardwiccan, blackberries are best. Why blackberries? They're not even black. You can't judge berries by their color alone.

I hope all good Christians realize the value of the blueberry, and will chose them over blackberries.

blueberries are wickety wack. The best berry is the blackberry! for some reason blackberries are in season for a week and then the rest of the time they are ridiculously overpriced. I can buy $1 baskets of blueberries but not blackberries. Pisses me off. Raspberries are the worst cause shit always gets stuck in the hole that raspberries leave from the stem and when you wash them you see dead grubs that float out of them. nasty.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Hitherto, this has been my recommendation for safe breakfast cereal:

Stock your pantry with unsweetened, bite-size Shredded Wheat or unsweetened, normal-sized Shredded Wheat. Switch between the two to offer your child variety and fun at breakfast time.

I'm proud to expand my list of acceptable cereal. Introducing Ezekiel Cereal®.




Ezekiel 4:9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, [according] to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.


That's a name you can trust. And if the Bible verse after which it is named is any indicator, it contains "fitches." Dictionary.com tells us that a fitch is "a chiefly nocturnal European carnivorous mammal of the weasel family that ejects a malodorous fluid to mark its territory and ward off enemies" or "a black aromatic seed still used as a flavoring in the East." I don't know which is an ingredient in Ezekiel Cereal®, but they both sound yummy.

In any case, I'm not concerned about what's in it. I care about what's not on it--a gay character. The only way it could get better is if our own Pastor Ezekiel were adopted as this delightful cereal's mascot. Praise be.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy

Hitherto, this has been my recommendation for safe breakfast cereal:



I'm proud to expand my list of acceptable cereal. Introducing Ezekiel Cereal®.




Ezekiel 4:9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, [according] to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.


That's a name you can trust. And if the Bible verse after which it is named is any indicator, it contains "fitches." Dictionary.com tells us that a fitch is "a chiefly nocturnal European carnivorous mammal of the weasel family that ejects a malodorous fluid to mark its territory and ward off enemies" or "a black aromatic seed still used as a flavoring in the East." I don't know which is an ingredient in Ezekiel Cereal®, but they both sound yummy.

In any case, I'm not concerned about what's in it. I care about what's not on it--a gay character. The only way it could get better is if our own Pastor Ezekiel were adopted as this delightful cereal's mascot. Praise be.

And don't think they haven't asked me. Those cereal folk have been after me for years to appear on their product packaging. The Ezekiel Cereal(r) people in particular have been stalking me, showering me with extravagant gifts, and attempting to take long-range photos of me sunbathing in San Tropez. Being a True Christian (tm) Pastor, I am naturally modest and unable to allow *any adoration of my person. All Glory goes to Jesus.





*According to the team of joo lawyers here at Landover, unless the price is right.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal



Cereal shouldn't be shaped into numbers or letters. Your child could conceivably scoop up a prostitute's phone number or an inappropriate word like "taint" or "evolution."

[David Goldman]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

Cereal shouldn't be shaped into numbers or letters. Your child could conceivably scoop up a prostitute's phone number or an inappropriate word like "taint" or "evolution."

I wonder if "Chip's" unholy penchant for numerology stems from eating this demonically corrupted cereal?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

I am shocked and apalled people actually pay MONEY to bring these demonic creatures into their homes. This is clearly Satan's World as even the food we eat is infested with evil.

I will never buy a box of cereal again. Only people who want burn in HELL would!

[JennyD]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

Even Life Cereal isn't safe!

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

Creeping homersexuality even, er, um, creeps into the laundry room !!

Contemplate this abomination :

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

Creeping homersexuality even, er, um, creeps into the laundry room !!

Contemplate this abomination :

I wrote about Snuggle Bear on the first page of this thread. You have failed to read every post I have written. You make me sick.

[Nobar King]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

The Snuggle bear isn't even a cereal or a breakfast food. Try to stay on topic, boy.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: The Pillsbury Doughboy/Breakfast Cereal

The Snuggle bear isn't even a cereal or a breakfast food. Try to stay on topic, boy.

I am outraged by your insolence. This thread is about the Pillsbury Doughboy and cereal--a natural progression if you read through this thread. Snuggle Bear is relevant to Poppin' Fresh in terms of gayness. View this post. Never question my judgment again, boy.