Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

[sntramonte]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

you are crazy

I am sorry if i have offended any of you with this post I just had a spur of the moment upset I will have my partner punish me for this

[sntramonte]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

Actually, brother, perhaps the best solution is to combine these GODly ideas.

I am not advocating we do anything illegal, but just suppose sex toys could be modified to burst open like a fragmentation grenade, or leak acid.

Inside the device could be a small business card with a Bible verse and Landover's website address, so that these wayward whores could learn from their pain.

It's kind of like this locksmith I knew who would break into people's homes and leave a business card advertising his deadbolt locking system, and I think he did pretty good business for a while.

We could do the same thing, only with exploding sex toys and Bible verses.

you are crazy

[Bob4God]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

Oh Jesus be praised! This is much better than my idea of sneaking into porn stores and modding their vibrator inventory with spiked clit stimulators.

Actually, brother, perhaps the best solution is to combine these GODly ideas.

I am not advocating we do anything illegal, but just suppose sex toys could be modified to burst open like a fragmentation grenade, or leak acid.

Inside the device could be a small business card with a Bible verse and Landover's website address, so that these wayward whores could learn from their pain.

It's kind of like this locksmith I knew who would break into people's homes and leave a business card advertising his deadbolt locking system, and I think he did pretty good business for a while.

We could do the same thing, only with exploding sex toys and Bible verses.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

This information was surely sent to me by GOD, and I believe that it is just in time to save this wayward generation of sassy harlots!

Praise!

Oh Jesus be praised! This is much better than my idea of sneaking into porn stores and modding their vibrator inventory with spiked clit stimulators.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

GOD told me to seek out a solution from the inventor of Corn Flakes, and He led me to John Harvey Kellogg's fascinating and informative book, "Plain Facts for Old and Young."

Praise!

Praise indeed! I'll be sure and add this to my list of effective steps in overcoming masturbation.

[Bob4God]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

However, I do have one concern. Does carbolic acid cause lasting damage to that most sinful component of a woman's ladybits, or is this just another way of skirting around Jesus' clear instructions to remove any body parts that lead to sinfulness?

According to the Wikipedia, Carbolic Acid can induce 2nd or 3rd degree burns if exposed to the skin long enough.

I suppose the punishment should match the crime, so perhaps just a few drops for a few seconds for naughty thoughts, and a three-hour exposure for serious touching offenses.

Heck, Jesus said to cut off useful body parts, like hands, feet and eyes if they lead to sinfulness. Really, I can't see any reason not to remove every woman's clitoris... shortly after birth, perhaps; or maybe later, like on their Sweet Sixteenth.

I think at birth would be the best time to do it.

After all, John Harvey Kellogg warns us that infants are wanton masturbators:

The vice is the more extensive because there are almost no bounds to its indulgence. Its frequent repetition fastens it upon the victim with a fascination almost irresistible! It may be begun in earliest infancy, and may continue through life.

- Plain Facts For Old And Young, page 231.

Plus, I think it looks better.

[Jedediah]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

An interesting rediscovery, Brother Bob. I often find it useful to look back to the wisdom of the 19th century for guidance. This nation has strayed too far from its Biblical roots.

However, I do have one concern. Does carbolic acid cause lasting damage to that most sinful component of a woman's ladybits, or is this just another way of skirting around Jesus' clear instructions to remove any body parts that lead to sinfulness? If all it does is burn a little and cause temporary numbness, I think we're better off having our ladyfolk do like they do in Africa and just scoop the thing out. It's not like they need it to make babies... no more necessary than tonsils. It's one of the few things the jigaboos got right... that, and making it a capital offense to be a fag.

Heck, Jesus said to cut off useful body parts, like hands, feet and eyes if they lead to sinfulness. Really, I can't see any reason not to remove every woman's clitoris... shortly after birth, perhaps; or maybe later, like on their Sweet Sixteenth.

Mark 9:43-48
And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Carbolic Acid: The Cure for Female Masturbation?

I've glanced it over. Seems like the man was a real Christian! Where is wonderful medical advice like this in this day and age?

[Bob4God]

The Lord has placed a burden on my heart these days.

I spend a great deal of time thinking about teenagers masturbating. Some days I will see a young man or young woman, and I will imagine them pleasuring themselves in the shower as JESUS looks on in disappointment.

When I look up masturbation on the internet I find nothing but pornography and secular science clamoring to justify self-abuse.

I decided that if I wanted real answers on this topic, I would have to seek them from books written a hundred years ago.

GOD told me to seek out a solution from the inventor of Corn Flakes, and He led me to John Harvey Kellogg's fascinating and informative book, "Plain Facts for Old and Young."

Eagerly, I went to chapter 11 and started reading about how to treat the dreadful practice of masturbation.

A lot of the information contained in the book is stuff that True Christians already know, such as tying hands to a bed post, avoiding solitude, and not eating foods that make you randy.

However, I was greatly excited to see that Kellogg also offers advice that has long been forgotten and abandoned by society.

On page 296, Kellogg prescribes an effective and simple treatment for female masturbation:

In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement, and preventing the recurrence of the practice in those whose will-power has become so weakened that the patient is unable to exercise entire self-control.

It's so simple!

Why didn't we think of that?

A few drops of acid on the privates of your daughter or wife and you can give her a little preview of the searing flames of HELL that await her!

Does anybody know where our church could purchase pure carbolic acid in bulk for distribution to True Christian homes and schools?

This information was surely sent to me by GOD, and I believe that it is just in time to save this wayward generation of sassy harlots!

Praise!