[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Praying for you, Mistress Cookie! "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

whatever, i mean thanks

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

I'm going to get you out of there, Cookie. I've infiltrated this Web forum devoted to appreciating those buildings from an historical standpoint.

While there, I've learnt that the system of air ducts you're crawling around in has an external vent on the East wall, a mere 16 feet off the ground.

I've rented a full-sized SUV and will be waiting outside the fence at 0800 hours. As soon as I see you drop from the vent, I will mow down that fence and have you back on your way to Freehold before you've even had a chance to shout "Glory!"

PRAISE! At last a PLAN!

And yet, where that air duct meets the outer wall has a thick iron grill in front of it, and huge slippery lug nuts I can barely fit my hand around. I grasp and grasp at the massive oily nuts but they keep slipping out of my hands.

It is no use.

i can see the sky, anyway.

I don't think I can make such a drop in my petite, weakened state. Scurry back to the motel (or are you sleeping in your car now?) under the cover of darkness and wait from word from Good Doctor Niles that release has been arranged.

Niles will not forsake us, I just know it.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Oh darn it, Cookie. How I wish I could be at your side to help you with those big, greasy nuts. I have just the tool for it, too.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Good find, Brother Machine.
May I make a suggestion:
If Cookie can find a piece of rope at least 16 ft long (or even tie bedsheets together), she can put that out through the grill when she's ready. At that signal, you mow down the fence, and attach a grappling hook to her rope. She then pulls that up and attaches it to the grill. Then you drive forward and pull that grill out of its foundations. It should come out easily being such an old building. Cookie then drops to the ground (you might dump some soft down cushions on to the ground after you've attached the grappling hook to give her a softer landing). And off you drive.

Please don't do too much damage to the building - I do want it in good condition.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

That is a heck of an idea, but I'm back at my motel room now, and have had to take a considerable amount of pain killers for my sprained ankle. I think I made it worse today driving the rented SUV. I figured as long as I had the thing, and as long as I was away from my home church, I might as well enjoy a little recreation.

I tell ya, this is really God's country out here.



Anyway, the point is, with me all doped up on those painkillers and my ankle acting up, I don't think I'm going to be much good to anybody tomorrow morning. Maybe we can shoot for Tuesday?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Good to know it wasn't a wasted trip then

[James Hutchins]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Miss Cookie. Good news. My family (well, about half, 30 of us) and I are coming out to Colorado to do some tobogganing and want to stop by the 'rest home'. Perhaps you can mingle with the family and slip out? Please, for Gods sake wear sensible shoes. Those 12" Prada pumps make you stand out in my family who all wear Timberline(r).
Do you have a hat with ear flaps?

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Cookie, Dear,

I didn't forget you! In fact, I called the TBN prayer line today and also the Prayer Tower at Oral Roberts University. TBN is sending me a lovely key chain in thanks for my prayer request, and ORU told me to tell you to expect a miracle because something good is going to happen to you this very day. Praise Jesus! Since it seems Dr. Niles and Brother Hutchins have you covered, I won't take the drive today but if you aren't out of there by the weekend, well - I'll see what I can do. It is my weekend to help clean the church nursery.

I just can't help but think the LORD is hearing our fervent prayers so it must be His will for you to be where you are at this time. Have you witnessed for Jesus? I can't imagine how frustrating this is for you but know that our faith is headed for Heaven, with the wish that you'll be home very soon. In the meantime, glorify God in all you do as He is in charge of this situation!

Your sister in Jesus,
NRL

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Naomi, my dear Sister in Christ,

You are such a lovely, godly lady! I admire (not idolize, for that is against the Lord's commands) you!

Adoringly yours in Christ,
Elizabeth

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Boy oh boy, these pain killers for my sprained ankle make me feel like I'm floating! Has anybody here ever done oxy before? This is really something else.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Let's not forget the most effective painkiller, a prayer to the Lord our God, the Almighty Healer! May I suggest Jeremiah 17:14 a good prayer for healing? "Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou [art] my praise." May the Lord heal you soon and deliver you Mistress Cookie! Remember Psalm 34:19, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all."

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

"I will lift vp mine eyes vnto the hilles: from whence commeth my helpe." (Psalm 121)

I watched the sunset tonight through my metal grill in the air duct, straining to see the hills "from whence commeth my helpe." Yet it felt more like "from whence commeth my hell," for I could see no hills, nor help of any kind. All is lost.

My institutional smock is mere rags by now, my flip flops eaten long ago. Was I once really the blithe and lithe Mistress Cookie of Freehold, Iowa? Winner of the Best Stoning Bucket medal at the fair two years in a row? The little cookie for whom our rugged Brother James Dewitt did harbor an everlasting burning in his bosom? (Yea, now it can be told.)

Out of rubbing alcohol. No more holiday eggnog to be found. I feel myself growing fainter and smaller.



Let me summon my last faculties to say I forgive all who have sinned against me (except Dr. Laurence Niles, for whom I am still waiting to GET ME THE F#C* OUT OF HERE!!), be it in Freehold or elsewheres.

I want all my assets to be used to make my home on Woodlawn Drive, The Cookie Box, even more pup-friendly than it is (all low sofas, tables, televisions etc.), to create an even more comfy lifestyle for my remaining Pommeranian, Ginger Belle III. I want my jewelry fashioned into dog collars and claw decals for her, and all my worldly wealth used toward her upkeep.

When Ginger Belle III is gone, I want the residual charity bequeathed to a Ginger Belle IV, V, and VI and so on, etc. etc., ad infinitum, so that the patter of little Pom paws may always be heard in the house whence I was so happy.

I designate my ONE TRUE FREEHOLD FRIEND, Sister VictoryOS, as trustee and caretaker over the Ginger Belles, and she is to take 40% of all interest off my assets as an honorarium, annually. She will always have a place in my home, and heart, as she always has. I also designate the loyal Brother Faith Machine, who did so loyally attempt to rescue me from this snake pit, as her assistant, to be paid a yearly honorarium of 20% of the interest off my assets, again, anally.

Yea it is written.

must lie down now. Am listening over nurses' station to hear if any calls have come in about my release. Again, a No-Go.

Might write more later. I have a lot left to say to all of you.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Oh Mistress Cookie, you are so lucky to be joining Jesus in Heaven so soon. I seriously envy you.

[Des]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Look, dear, Wayne Knight over at Patriot Bible University isn't as close of a friend to me as his father, Bill, and Wayne calls the shots there these days. I'm having to go through Belford University for this PHD, and Belford has an inflexible 15 day program. They simply will not budge on this position. I'll be a Christian Psychologist in another 7 days, degree, transcripts, award of excellence, certificate of distinction, and letters of education verification in hand. Best I can do, what with a deceased missus and all.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Might write more later. I have a lot left to say to all of you.

That's our Darling Cookie! Thinking of us by staying in communication, even in times of deep distress. I have a lot to say to you, too! In fact, I tried calling you today and then remembered you weren't at home. Have just been so busy. Miranda at the hair salon and I were talking about that time when she accidentally put the wrong rinse on your hair and how you threw such a fit (of course, you didn't do anything displeasing to Jesus). She wonders if you will ever forgive her seventy times seven. I could only nod and wonder myself. You do have a tendency to hold a grudge, dear.

So how are things? Dr. Niles called me today to see how his nephew is, since I agreed to watch over him while Niles is at yet another conference. He left Wichita and flew to godless England for a symposium related to the importance of male bonding and teenage boys. He said to tell you hello and that he'll make another call on your behalf at the first opportunity. Naturally, he is praying for you, hon - so take heart.

Sister Victory and I made cookies today for the youth service Wednesday evening. She is touched that you consider her such a close friend (I showed her your post) and said to know that her prayers are with you but she really can't handle the responsibility of your dogs since she is so caught up in healthy living (she lost 1/4 pound this month). She read once that people with dogs gain weight. Our dear Victory is such a sweetheart.

Well, hon, I'm still trying to fit a moment in to do more to help you. Faith Machine's phone has been going to voice mail for several hours; I would imagine he's recuperating or floating or both in that lovely place the Lord created. Is there anything you need, dear?

Hugs,
NRL