Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Just wanted to share with you all a bit of what I do. As most of you will probably remember, I'm a lay preacher of a small home church, but during the week I have a "tent-making" job. I'm an undertaker.

Jesus commanded us to go and preach the Gospel to everyone (Mark 16:15). Now in my line of work, I have to deal with grieving clients. Often they don't want to hear the good news, especially if their loved one wasn't a believer and is now in hell. Secular funeral homes will always try to do whatever their client wants, they won't upset them. You've all heard the saying, "The customer is always right."

I work for a Christian funeral home. We believe God is our client, and He is always right.

Colossians 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.

Whether I'm embalming a corpse or leading a memorial service, I'm doing it for the Lord, not for a human client. I don't have to be afraid of hurting the feelings of the family of the deceased. I just have to get the message out there.

I've found there are several ways I can witness to families of the deceased.

I never assume the deceased was a Christian. I never tell the family their loved one is heaven without first asking them about the state of their loved one's soul at the time of death (after they've already engaged our services, of course).

If it turns out that yes, their loved one was a born-again Christian who lived a life worthy of their calling, then everything is fine. I tell them to toughen up, stop crying, and start rejoicing! Their loved one has gone to be with the Lord, which is better than being alive.

Philippians 1:23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better.

Second Corinthians 5:8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

If, however, it turns out their loved wasn't a Christian, or if there is some doubt in my mind as to genuineness of their faith (James 2:20), then I share with the family the parable of Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). It contains a vivid description of hell.

Luke 16:22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
Luke 16:23 And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
Luke 16:24 And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
Luke 16:25 But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
Luke 16:26 And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
Luke 16:27 Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father's house:
Luke 16:28 For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.

I tell the family that like the rich man in the parable, their loved one is in torment right now, pleading for them not to make the same mistake they did in rejecting Jesus. "And if that's not bad enough," I tell them, "God is going to physically resurrect your loved one and cast them into the lake fire, where they will burn in unquenchable fire."

John 5:28-29: 28 Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, 29 And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

Mark 9:43-44: 43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: 44 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

At this point someone may chime in asking for evidence. I tell them if they won't hear the Bible, then they won't hear any concrete evidence, like someone coming back from the dead to tell everyone what hell's like. The parable of Lazarus closes:

Luke 16:29 Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.
Luke 16:30 And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.
Luke 16:31 And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.

Sometimes I don't get to deal directly with the family. Sometimes I just embalm the body. But if that's the case, I still try to find some way to minister to them. We recently had an ex-military fag who died of AIDS. As we all know, no homo can enter God's kingdom.

First Corinthians 6:9-10: 9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

The picture above the casket was my touch, just one small thing I could do for the Lord, to remind the family the guy was doomed to the lake of fire.

Revelation 20:13-15: 13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. 14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. 15 And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.

And I've got another exciting opportunity to witness coming up this week. I have a man who used to a professing atheist - we all know they don't really exist (Romans 1:18-32) - and the family want a viewing. In recent years, there's been a trend toward posing the deceased sitting or standing. I'm working off of this photo below (don't worry, I'm not going to show a dead body):

It's going to be quite a challenge, but I'm confident I can do it (Philippians 4:13). The deceased will be set in a pose of utter despair in a dark room to remind the family that although hell is a place of eternal fire, it is also a place of eternal darkness.

Matthew 25:30 And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I can't replicate eternal fire and eternal darkness. That's a supernatural feat only God can accomplish. I can only focus on one facet of hell at a time.

The viewing will be on the 23rd. I hope the family will get the best gift this Christmas. Jesus.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

Well God Bless you for your efforts, friend. I can just imagine you singing songs that praise His Holy Name (Jesus) while you slit the corpses open of deceased Christians, rearrange their dead guts, sew them back up, and pump them full of embalming fluid.

I trust your company does not service the dead bodies of queers, joos, atheists, whoremongers, mudslimes, foreigners, witches, gypsies, communiss, or democrats.

I'm going to ask the DOF (Department of Faith) to look into your operation. We may allow a franchise operation to establish itself here in Freehold, provided the God's Favorite Church (LBC) get's its due.

Jesus and I don't ask for much. We just want to get our beaks wet.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

I trust your company does not service the dead bodies of queers, joos, atheists, whoremongers, mudslimes, foreigners, witches, gypsies, communiss, or democrats.

I might respectfully request, Pastor Zeke, you also confirm the company does not accept corpses of the poor and indigent. We do not want dirty bodies transported into Freehold and then be forced to buy a suit in order to get them quickly tossed into the ground.

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Re: Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

I'm going to ask the DOF (Department of Faith) to look into your operation. We may allow a franchise operation to establish itself here in Freehold, provided the God's Favorite Church (LBC) get's its due.

Jesus and I don't ask for much. We just want to get our beaks wet.

Thank you, Pastor Ezekiel. I imagine the death rate's pretty low in Freehold, though. I suppose I'd just have to charge more.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

Thank you, Pastor Ezekiel. I imagine the death rate's pretty low in Freehold, though. I suppose I'd just have to charge more.

It's true that the death rate of residents here is quite low, but you might be surprised how many visiting people die at the property line while driving around looking for a hospital. I don't know why people would think we'd have medical services around here. If you are faithful, you don't need such things. So, why not use that wonderful opportunity provided by God to bring a little financial support His way. Praise Jesus!

BTW, Brother Swallows, you are clearly doing God's work!

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Re: Witnessing for Christ as an Undertaker

And I've got another exciting opportunity to witness coming up this week. I have a man who used to be a professing atheist - we all know they don't really exist (Romans 1:18-32) - and the family want a viewing. In recent years, there's been a trend toward posing the deceased sitting or standing. I'm working off of this photo below (don't worry, I'm not going to show a dead body):

It's going to be quite a challenge, but I'm confident I can do it (Philippians 4:13). The deceased will be set in a pose of utter despair in a dark room to remind the family that although hell is a place of eternal fire, it is also a place of eternal darkness...

The viewing will be on the 23rd. I hope the family will get the best gift this Christmas. Jesus.

Well... I must say this didn't go over very well with the family of the deceased.

To make matters worse, part of the structure gave way during the viewing, making it look like the deceased was performing an unsavory act on himself.

However, I am greatly encouraged. I see this as a sign from God. Let me explain.

The family stormed out of the funeral parlor in disgust, hurling abuse and threatening to sue. Thankfully, while most of the deceased's family were non-religious (though there were some buddhists among them), his elderly parents - who were paying for the funeral - were Christian. I went home early to pray about the matter and seek God's guidance.

God laid Matthew 5:25 on my heart: Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.

I searched the Scriptures and came to the conclusion that the best way to "agree with mine adversary" would be to convince them not to sue me.

After giving the parents until sunset to cool down (Ephesians 4:26), I paid them a visit, Bible in hand, and reminded them what God's word says about Christians taking each other to court.

First Corinthians 6:1 Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?
First Corinthians 6:2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
First Corinthians 6:3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?
First Corinthians 6:4 If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.
First Corinthians 6:5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?
First Corinthians 6:6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.
First Corinthians 6:7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?

They agreed to drop the lawsuit. "But," the father said, "verses two through five of that passage you read tell us the church should judge this matter."

I offered to bring the matter before my own church (I'm a lay pastor of a small home church), but the parents insisted on taking the matter to their church. Their pastor acted as mediator following the Matthew 18 principle:

Step 1
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Step 2
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Step 3
Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.


I insisted I'd done nothing wrong. I was only doing the Lord's work. The parents became frustrated and wanted to call extended family members as witnesses but the pastor wouldn't allow it because they weren't believers and were therefore untrustworthy. This meant we couldn't progress to step 2. The parents wanted to skip straight to step 3, but the pastor said he couldn't disfellowship someone who wasn't a member of the church. The meeting ended in prayer and I went home feeling vindicated. It just goes to show if you follow the Bible's guidance on conflict resolution, justice will always be done.

But my trials didn't end there. When I showed up for work the next day (Christmas Eve), the owner of the funeral home recommended I take a sabbatical. Merry Christmas indeed. Now like murder, stealing and homosexuality, worrying is a sin (Luke 12:22-26), so I committed the matter to the Lord and trusted Him to provide (Philippians 4:19).

The holiday weekend went by. And then first thing on Monday morning I got the call from Pastor Ezekiel informing me that permission had been granted for me to set up a funeral home in Freehold. I remembered the trials of the last few days and realized this was it. This is where the Lord was leading me, this is what He had been preparing me for. The Lord had delivered me from my troubles.

Psalm 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

And so I have good news, brothers and sisters. I will be moving to Freehold once I've sold the house here. Strait Gate Funeral Home (See Matthew 7:13-14) will be opening soon on Ecclesiastes Street. We have a wide range of caskets available, and if you want to have a viewing, you will find we have a variety of creative options available, including posing the deceased in an upright position (perhaps standing, looking up to heaven with hands raised in praise). We don't do cremations, of course, because that's a pagan practice. If wish to prepay for your funeral, I will start accepting orders now.

My wife and son haven't said anything since I told them the great news, but I know they're quietly rejoicing on the inside. I haven't broken the news to my little flock yet. I imagine they'll be devastated, they'll have to find a new pastor. But I'm sure God will provide, and if He doesn't then that's His will.

I'm just so excited! Praise God!

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.