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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324

    #1

    July 15th Bar Be Que

    Leviticus, chapter 23




    "37": These are the feasts of the LORD, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, to offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD, a burnt offering, and a meat offering, a sacrifice, and drink offerings, every thing upon his day:

    39": Also in the fifteenth day of the seventh month, when ye have gathered in the fruit of the land, ye shall keep a feast unto the LORD seven days: on the first day shall be a sabbath, and on the eighth day shall be a sabbath.

    Now, since Jesus died and we no longer have to make sacrifices, does that mean we can eat the animals?
    July 15th week long Landover Bar be que?

    This makes a decent starter menu:


    "18": And ye shall offer with the bread seven lambs without blemish of the first year, and one young bullock, and two rams: they shall be for a burnt offering unto the LORD, with their meat offering, and their drink offerings, even an offering made by fire, of sweet savour unto the LORD
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


    sigpic
  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78556

    #2
    Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

    Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
    Leviticus, chapter 23




    "37": These are the feasts of the LORD, which ye shall proclaim to be holy convocations, to offer an offering made by fire unto the LORD, a burnt offering, and a meat offering, a sacrifice, and drink offerings, every thing upon his day:

    39": Also in the fifteenth day of the seventh month, when ye have gathered in the fruit of the land, ye shall keep a feast unto the LORD seven days: on the first day shall be a sabbath, and on the eighth day shall be a sabbath.

    Now, since Jesus died and we no longer have to make sacrifices, does that mean we can eat the animals?
    July 15th week long Landover Bar be que?

    This makes a decent starter menu:


    "18": And ye shall offer with the bread seven lambs without blemish of the first year, and one young bullock, and two rams: they shall be for a burnt offering unto the LORD, with their meat offering, and their drink offerings, even an offering made by fire, of sweet savour unto the LORD
    Praise Jesus! I always look forward to our LBC annual week-long Barbecue. Not only does the aroma please God...

    Philippians 4:17 Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account.
    18 But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things [which were sent] from you, an odor of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, well pleasing to God.


    ...but also July 15th is my birthday! Thank you Jesus for not killing me so far!!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • eliot mayfield
      God Squad
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 9324

      #3
      Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

      Who's raising the lambs this year?
      Matthew:
      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


      sigpic

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78556

        #4
        Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

        Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
        Who's raising the lambs this year?
        Some of the old nigra boys who tend to my estate always have a few lambs and succulent piglets ready to toss on the fire.

        I look forward to tucking into those delicious turduckens that Pastor Pistle brings to the feast.

        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708

          #5
          Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

          and GOD Bless good ole American Hambugers and Hot Dogs!

          GLORY!
          Attached Files
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          Tweet me Here
          My GODLY Bio Here

          Comment

          • SUV
            True Christian™ Princess
            The Driving Force behind RA12
            Have at it, anytime!
            • Sep 2006
            • 11027

            #6
            Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

            Sister Thumper, we'd best get into our lobster bibs again!

            That's what I love about being Baptist - unlike joos and mooselimbs, we can eat any kind of Food! And we sure enough do!

            Now I do seem to recall Pastor Al trying to slap a Biblical Injunction on us regarding "shellfish" but I'm not sure he was serious about that. And if Baby Jesus was actually a mollusk, which recent Theological Studies seem to indicate, why then, I'm sure He wouldn't mind us "Eating of His Body" - apparently, He's never given the catlickers Grief for doing this after all of these years. Praise!

            Comment

            • Daisy Mae Johnson
              The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
              Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
              aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 15708

              #7
              Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

              Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
              Sister Thumper, we'd best get into our lobster bibs again!

              That's what I love about being Baptist - unlike joos and mooselimbs, we can eat any kind of Food! And we sure enough do!

              Now I do seem to recall Pastor Al trying to slap a Biblical Injunction on us regarding "shellfish" but I'm not sure he was serious about that. And if Baby Jesus was actually a mollusk, which recent Theological Studies seem to indicate, why then, I'm sure He wouldn't mind us "Eating of His Body" - apparently, He's never given the catlickers Grief for doing this after all of these years. Praise!
              GLORY! Yes! NOW we can use our nifty bibs Sister!
              Attached Files
              sigpic

              Tweet me Here
              My GODLY Bio Here

              Comment

              • SUV
                True Christian™ Princess
                The Driving Force behind RA12
                Have at it, anytime!
                • Sep 2006
                • 11027

                #8
                Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                Gee, where was it again we got those measly little snow crab legs? Aren't they the ones we swiped-and-ran from that methodless "Church" picnic?

                I know if we're having them here at Landover Baptist, it'll be nothing but the biggest and the best: King Crab!

                ('Cause some of our Pastors are kingsized crabs sometimes)

                Comment

                • Brother Temperance
                  Senior Usher
                  True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                  A very nice young man
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 15621

                  #9
                  Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                  I look forward to tucking into those delicious turduckens that Pastor Pistle brings to the feast.


                  There's something about that word that just doesn't seem right.
                  Originally posted by BTB
                  GLORY! Yes! NOW we can use our nifty bibs Sister!
                  I don't get it... why is Sister Sue trying to shove a crab into your ear?
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                  Comment

                  • SUV
                    True Christian™ Princess
                    The Driving Force behind RA12
                    Have at it, anytime!
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 11027

                    #10
                    Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                    Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                    I don't get it... why is Sister Sue trying to shove a crab into your ear?
                    Strangely enough, I had never noticed that!

                    Comment

                    • Poetic Peter
                      Christian Poet Emeritus
                      Forum Member
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 1696

                      #11
                      Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                      Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
                      Gee, where was it again we got those measly little snow crab legs? Aren't they the ones we swiped-and-ran from that methodless "Church" picnic?

                      I know if we're having them here at Landover Baptist, it'll be nothing but the biggest and the best: King Crab!

                      ('Cause some of our Pastors are kingsized crabs sometimes)



                      Now, nothing personal...
                      It's just that...well, oh
                      I'm just joshing my best girlfriend
                      so no-one else dare steal her:



                      Sister Susie's shelling crabs all season
                      for years and years and years
                      of sav'ry bar b que delights.
                      Some soldiers of Al Pistle
                      say they'd sooner ride the missiles
                      of Al Qaeda than rub bristles
                      with Sister Sue's crab legs tonight.



                      In truth: Sue!
                      As smooth a love, a perfect dove
                      this cookie whom we love

                      Comment

                      • SUV
                        True Christian™ Princess
                        The Driving Force behind RA12
                        Have at it, anytime!
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 11027

                        #12
                        Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                        As always, you are way too kind to this Sinner, Brother Peter!

                        So do you think we're having King Crab? Could be what I overheard was that "one of the Pastors is getting 'crabby' again"

                        I do hope it's the former!

                        Originally posted by Poetic Peter View Post
                        Now, nothing personal...
                        It's just that...well, oh
                        I'm just joshing my best girlfriend
                        so no-one else dare steal her:



                        Sister Susie's shelling crabs all season
                        for years and years and years
                        of sav'ry bar b que delights.
                        Some soldiers of Al Pistle
                        say they'd sooner ride the missiles
                        of Al Qaeda than rub bristles
                        with Sister Sue's crab legs tonight.


                        In truth: Sue!
                        As smooth a love, a perfect dove
                        this cookie whom we love

                        Comment

                        • OnYourKnees
                          On Extended Furlough
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2006
                          • 4729

                          #13
                          Re: July 15th Bar Be Que

                          Don't forget to invite Lilith.

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