[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

First, he wanted to go to a Catholic Church one Sunday!

If he's not getting what he needs at home, he will stray. I'm not at all surprised he's off to the homo dating service that is the Catholic Church.

Then he wanted me to administer to his tallywacker with my mouth! Does Jesus even permit that?

Yes. See Song of Solomon chapter 2, expecially verse 3:

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

And no spitting. Spilling seed is a sin:

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. Genesis 38:9-10

I actually heard him watching that sinful sodomite show "Will & Grace!".... floral arrangement....

Very common among those lured by Catholicism.

What these people are really trying to tell you is that you must, to save your own soul, give the pervert what he wants. If he wants to piffle you during your period or up the poop-chute, then it is your pervert's soul that may be damned to hell, but since you submitted like the ~shudder~ bible says, then your soul is ok.

Finally, Bama Girl got it right.

You have pointed out the flaws in the bible.

Not true at all.

It contradicts itself.

Where?

How are you supposed to get to heaven when the bible is not clear on HOW to get there?

I'll try to take this slowly, so that even a retard like you, Bama Girl, can understand it:

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. Mark 16:16

We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not. 1 John 5:18

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:22-24

The only way to be saved is to be reborn (baptized) in Christ. Those who are saved do not sin. It is a sin for a woman to disobey her husband. So, if Sister Sarah does not obey her husband, she is sinning, so we know she is not saved, and she will burn in Hell. End of story.

Please, tell me it isn't too late to save him from these unnatural desires! I hate to think what kind of gay feces he might be bringing into my cooter when I submit to him!

You are a woman. You should be going about getting yourself pregnant, not nagging your husband about spiritual matters:

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing. 1 Timothy 2:11-15

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

May I suggest simply having him put into LBC's homer reform? It worked wonders for my own misguided cousin. He was what the sickular world calls a "flamer". One week in LBC's homer rehab and he was wearing men clothes and talking more manly. After a month he wanted nothing to do with "male bonding". In just a single year he became as straight as an arrow!
Praise Jesus in all His wisdom in having the LBC's pastors create the rehab center!!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

Yes, I think this is clearly the best idea for him. I just hope it's not too late!

When I married him, I assumed he was always a good Baptist but later I found out his parents actually took him to one of those Catlick churches until he was sixteen! Does that mean he has been raped by the priest? Is that why he wants fag-man-booty?

It probably does, and it probably is. My heart goes out to you, dear Sister Sarah!

Please, tell me it isn't too late to save him from these unnatural desires! I hate to think what kind of gay feces he might be bringing into my cooter when I submit to him!

Get him enrolled in that BASH program right away! Don't worry, Mrs. Bowers will send "escorts" to accompany him to the treatment center!

And don't let him risk giving you the AIDS before he's treated and cured of his Sodomitious ways!

Some poor sap, not unlike Captain Asshat, goes to a "sperm bank" and jerks his little weiner until he shoots his semen into a cup. Then the bank pays him, freezes it into the little capsules, and sells it. So it does come from a man, but one is not needed to raise said baby.

How romantical.

So I guess we know who your daddy is, eh, Screech?

[Bob4God]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

You got locked up!!!

Serves you right, you mouthy feminazi!

[Bama_Girl]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

I submitted to a "Lucifer" once. As I recall he was short-changed in the size department. Good oral skills though.

I only meant you don't need a man to raise a kid. Just for the sperm. You don't, however, have to ever meet the man. Just buy the sperm and hope for the best.

[Bob4God]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

So it comes from a man but you 'don't need a man to make a baby'??? I can see your secular logic is working real well.

JESUS is going to drop kick you over the cliff of Eternity and Into the Lake of FIRE, where you'll WISH all you had to do was submit to your husband, instead of lucifer!

[Bama_Girl]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

Where did the sperm come from?

Some poor sap, not unlike Captain Asshat, goes to a "sperm bank" and jerks his little weiner until he shoots his semen into a cup. Then the bank pays him, freezes it into the little capsules, and sells it. So it does come from a man, but one is not needed to raise said baby.

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

What kind of feminazi bullshit is this?

How could a person actually consider this good advice on Gods favorite forum?

Just the idea that a woman would have any idea about what to do without a man guiding her is absurd! Worse yet, it's not Biblical!

You need to read the Bible, missy, and then find a husband so you can start making babies for us to use to go fight mooslims!

If I have to take a tallywacker up the poop shute to save his eternal soul, then I'll take a tallywacker up the poop shute! Praise!

Praise indeed! Sister Sarah, you may be on the way to Saving your misguided husband's Soul! But if after your repeated Submissions, he is still acting in Ungodly Sodomite ways, other options must be considered. There is nothing in the Bible that says a Public Stoning cannot be made to look like an accident. Do you live near any unstable cliff faces or road cuts?

[Sister Sarah]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

Yeah yeah yeah. I see your lips moving but all I hear is "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah".

You go right ahead and take it up the poop-chute, dear. Bite your pillow and die a little inside because of the pain. Meanwhile I will also do the same, but for me it will be a pleasureable experience, not a forced one. While you cry because it hurts I will be O'ing and crying out in bliss.

Say all you want, feminazi bitch, but actually enjoying sex is one of the first signs that you are demon possessed!

You can like all you want, but when I'll be the one laughing when Satan is sending his flaming pecker up your poop shute!

[Bob4God]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

Hell, you can even buy sperm these days. Don't even need a man to have a baby. Just a frozen glass canister and you're good to go!

Where did the sperm come from?

[Bama_Girl]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

Yeah yeah yeah. I see your lips moving but all I hear is "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah".

You go right ahead and take it up the poop-chute, dear. Bite your pillow and die a little inside because of the pain. Meanwhile I will also do the same, but for me it will be a pleasureable experience, not a forced one. While you cry because it hurts I will be O'ing and crying out in bliss.

[Sister Sarah]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

What these people are really trying to tell you is that you must, to save your own soul, give the pervert what he wants. If he wants to piffle you during your period or up the poop-chute, then it is your pervert's soul that may be damned to hell, but since you submitted like the ~shudder~ bible says, then your soul is ok.

Now, for the REAL advice...
You have pointed out the flaws in the bible. It contradicts itself. How are you supposed to get to heaven when the bible is not clear on HOW to get there? I mean, DUH!!
Basically you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. So don't. Easy enough. Divorce his homo ass and get out while you can. No dick up the ass. Worse yet, have you considered that when he next sticks it inside you, what has it got on the end of it? What kind of crap (literally) is he sticking inside your vagina? What kind of diseases could he be bringing home to you? Get rid of him!!!!
You don't need a man to do anything!! Hell, you can even buy sperm these days. Don't even need a man to have a baby. Just a frozen glass canister and you're good to go!

What kind of feminazi bullshit is this?

How could a person actually consider this good advice on Gods favorite forum?

Just the idea that a woman would have any idea about what to do without a man guiding her is absurd! Worse yet, it's not Biblical!

You need to read the Bible, missy, and then find a husband so you can start making babies for us to use to go fight mooslims!

If I have to take a tallywacker up the poop shute to save his eternal soul, then I'll take a tallywacker up the poop shute! Praise!

[Sister Sarah]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

My dear, if your husband is going to a Catholicker church, that's one of the first signs of Homerism. You need to help him enroll in Betty Bowers' BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals) program, right now! Don't worry, every person who enters the program leaves it a Saved© True Christian™ Manly Man.

I understand there is a slight risk of permanent injury or death.

Yes, I think this is clearly the best idea for him. I just hope it's not too late!

When I married him, I assumed he was always a good Baptist but later I found out his parents actually took him to one of those Catlick churches until he was sixteen! Does that mean he has been raped by the priest? Is that why he wants fag-man-booty?

Please, tell me it isn't too late to save him from these unnatural desires! I hate to think what kind of gay feces he might be bringing into my cooter when I submit to him!

[Bama_Girl]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

What these people are really trying to tell you is that you must, to save your own soul, give the pervert what he wants. If he wants to piffle you during your period or up the poop-chute, then it is your pervert's soul that may be damned to hell, but since you submitted like the ~shudder~ bible says, then your soul is ok.

Now, for the REAL advice...
You have pointed out the flaws in the bible. It contradicts itself. How are you supposed to get to heaven when the bible is not clear on HOW to get there? I mean, DUH!!
Basically you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. So don't. Easy enough. Divorce his homo ass and get out while you can. No dick up the ass. Worse yet, have you considered that when he next sticks it inside you, what has it got on the end of it? What kind of crap (literally) is he sticking inside your vagina? What kind of diseases could he be bringing home to you? Get rid of him!!!!
You don't need a man to do anything!! Hell, you can even buy sperm these days. Don't even need a man to have a baby. Just a frozen glass canister and you're good to go!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Landover Baptist, help me!

No, I submitted to his every whim! Problem is, his requests were sooooo sinful!

First, he wanted to go to a Catholic Church one Sunday! I thank Jesus every day that he made me vomit right onto the priest so they won't let me back into that building!

My dear, if your husband is going to a Catholicker church, that's one of the first signs of Homerism. You need to help him enroll in Betty Bowers' BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals) program, right now! Don't worry, every person who enters the program leaves it a Saved(c) True Christian(tm) Manly Man.

I understand there is a slight risk of permanent injury or death.