Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

[Johny Joe Hold]

The ex Negro training program at Landover Baptist has been a huge success. Your leaders in the Church and in the City of Freehold thought now would be a good time to reward the best of our graduates. A Committee for the Ex Negro Achievement Award has been meeting and it authorized me to announce this launch. We anticipate this award will be cloned by other communities across the entire country.

The Committee is assembling criteria for the award. These are traits acquired by ex Negroes in their new and improved lives. We need a list of these desirable traits so candidates for the award can be judged accordingly. Here is a partial list of the acquired skills. We invite others in the community to add their favorites.

1.) Dancing: Mastered the waltz, fox trot and polka.

2.) Food: Acquired a taste for potatoes, gravy and beef. No barbeque sauce.

3.) Music: Listen only to white people's music, no rap.

4.) Politics: Voted for the white Donald Trump.

5.) Religion: Mastered attending church services without clapping, dancing, swinging the body, tapping the foot or singing loudly.

After others have added their requirements to the Award the Committee will accept nominations. Thank you for your participation in this community effort.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

If I may make a few recommendations, I would like to mention that the ideal white folk I’ve come to get to know around Freehold have a great appreciation for golfing, ensuring that Splenda (not pure sugar) and half & half (not heavy cream) is in ones’ coffee, and wearing appropriate white peoples attire (polo shirt and khakis for men) and long conservative dresses for the women. I myself have practiced the fine art of finding those perfect pairs of blue boating shoes. Gotta keep up that boycott of Nike for Jesus you see.

[handmaiden]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

There is no mention here of "the taming of the hair". Hair is a big identifier for negroes. I realize that blond and silky is out of the question, but there is so much that negroes committed to self-improvement can do to adapt.

Here are a few guidelines:

No dreadlocks, obviously

Those elaborate braids are out. The Apostle Paul makes this point clear in 1 Timothy 2:9. Not only are the braids themselves wrong, but all those beads and shells attached to them? If I want a beaded curtain swung in my face, I'll visit a hippie commune, thank you very much.

Close cut "natural hair" on women. Women are supposed to have long hair. Paul also made that pretty clear.

High hair on men or women. Hair growing upwards to heaven is an obvious affront to The Lord. Look what happened when people tried to build a tower too high. Genesis 11: 1-9. Hair that is filled with a little puffiness is acceptable, but only when it looks like this:





And not like this:




I think that the difference is clear. The one young lady looks cute and approachable. The other is obviously a dangerous radical.

To those who think they can be True Christians(tm) and still flout masses of untamed hair, let me remind you that one of the Bible's most abiding messages is about self-control and submission. If you can't control your hair, how do you expect to conform to God's Perfect Word?

[Isabella White]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

There is no mention here of "the taming of the hair". Hair is a big identifier for negroes. I realize that blond and silky is out of the question, but there is so much that negroes committed to self-improvement can do to adapt.

Here are a few guidelines:

No dreadlocks, obviously

Those elaborate braids are out. The Apostle Paul makes this point clear in 1 Timothy 2:9. Not only are the braids themselves wrong, but all those beads and shells attached to them? If I want a beaded curtain swung in my face, I'll visit a hippie commune, thank you very much.

Close cut "natural hair" on women. Women are supposed to have long hair. Paul also made that pretty clear.

High hair on men or women. Hair growing upwards to heaven is an obvious affront to The Lord. Look what happened when people tried to build a tower too high. Genesis 11: 1-9. Hair that is filled with a little puffiness is acceptable, but only when it looks like this:



And not like this:



I think that the difference is clear. The one young lady looks cute and approachable. The other is obviously a dangerous radical.

To those who think they can be True Christians™ and still flout masses of untamed hair, let me remind you that one of the Bible's most abiding messages is about self-control and submission. If you can't control your hair, how do you expect to conform to God's Perfect Word?

Oh, this is such an excellent example, dear Sister Handmaiden, and I do thank you for showcasing this. You are entirely correct!

Why look like a savage, native woman, as seen in the first photo, when one could look refined, instead, as in the second photo?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

I am always impressed when a nigra sheds that coating of blackness and becomes pure and near White. While I know they will never actually go to Heaven (can you imagine, a nigra... in Heaven!!!)
It is good to know that our women have a lesser chance of being raped and pies being stolen.

Even I, a 6'6" 240 pound man with a 2% body fat am glad I can walk around a little more relaxed, what with not having to keep my hand on my H&K as much or have it constantly cocked.
God can do miracles, if you let Him!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

There is no mention here of "the taming of the hair". Hair is a big identifier for negroes. I realize that blond and silky is out of the question, but there is so much that negroes committed to self-improvement can do to adapt.

Here are a few guidelines:

No dreadlocks, obviously

Those elaborate braids are out. The Apostle Paul makes this point clear in 1 Timothy 2:9. Not only are the braids themselves wrong, but all those beads and shells attached to them? If I want a beaded curtain swung in my face, I'll visit a hippie commune, thank you very much.

Close cut "natural hair" on women. Women are supposed to have long hair. Paul also made that pretty clear.

High hair on men or women. Hair growing upwards to heaven is an obvious affront to The Lord.

An example of a ex Negro who will not receive the award is boxing promoter Don King. In some ways he has been successful in becoming white, he is rich, he hangs around with white bankers, but his hair. This is not a Christian white male:



By comparison, take a look at the well coiffured Albert Einstein:

[Isabella White]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

The ex Negro training program at Landover Baptist has been a huge success. Your leaders in the Church and in the City of Freehold thought now would be a good time to reward the best of our graduates. A Committee for the Ex Negro Achievement Award has been meeting and it authorized me to announce this launch. We anticipate this award will be cloned by other communities across the entire country.

The Committee is assembling criteria for the award. These are traits acquired by ex Negroes in their new and improved lives. We need a list of these desirable traits so candidates for the award can be judged accordingly. Here is a partial list of the acquired skills. We invite others in the community to add their favorites.

1.) Dancing: Mastered the waltz, fox trot and polka.

2.) Food: Acquired a taste for potatoes, gravy and beef. No barbeque sauce.

3.) Music: Listen only to white people's music, no rap.

4.) Politics: Voted for the white Donald Trump.

5.) Religion: Mastered attending church services without clapping, dancing, swinging the body, tapping the foot or singing loudly.

After others have added their requirements to the Award the Committee will accept nominations. Thank you for your participation in this community effort.

If I may make a few recommendations, I would like to mention that the ideal white folk I’ve come to get to know around Freehold have a great appreciation for golfing, ensuring that Splenda (not pure sugar) and half & half (not heavy cream) is in ones’ coffee, and wearing appropriate white peoples attire (polo shirt and khakis for men) and long conservative dresses for the women. I myself have practiced the fine art of finding those perfect pairs of blue boating shoes. Gotta keep up that boycott of Nike for Jesus you see.

Oh, my word; this is such a worthwhile project, dear Brother Mayor Hold. And, I am so happy to see that our very own Mr. Rutherford is participating in this.

As for Item No. 2, regarding food, one wonders if we might include something about the overwhelming preference that those people have, for watermelon. Yes, watermelon. When I went to the Piggly Wiggly last week, there were none to be had. I was told that "certain people" had raided the store, and that the entire stock of watermelons was off to picnic grounds somewhere.

Even when they are not making watermelon a mainstay of their diet, they are obsessed with it, including times when they are joking, as you shall see below. Surely, something can be done about this most grievous and regrettable atrocity?

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

Oh, my word; this is such a worthwhile project, dear Brother Mayor Hold. And, I am so happy to see that our very own Mr. Rutherford is participating in this.

As for Item No. 2, regarding food, one wonders if we might include something about the overwhelming preference that those people have, for watermelon. Yes, watermelon. When I went to the Piggly Wiggly last week, there were none to be had. I was told that "certain people" had raided the store, and that the entire stock of watermelons was off to picnic grounds somewhere.

Even when they are not making watermelon a mainstay of their diet, they are obsessed with it, including times when they are joking, as you shall see below. Surely, something can be done about this most grievous and regrettable atrocity?

Watermelon is known as a tropical fruit with its origins in Africa, so it’s no surprise how it fuels the average Nigra to behave more irrationally than they normally do. As one who has dedicated his life to resisting the Nigra mentality and instead decided to study them for most of my life, it is still a mystery to me. Seeing as how they behave irrationally and sometimes violent around the fruit like they’re possessed by Satan, I have abstained from such devil’s fruit. Instead, I have learned how to partake in and enjoy unseasoned potato salad. Keeps me energized while not bein a misbehaving’ Nigra.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

If ex Negroes are seen with water melons it would be prudent to have the purchase receipt handy. We white people make certain assumptions and a receipt should put the matter to rest.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

It always brings a tear in my eye when someone leaves the dark side and goes into the light!

[Isabella White]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

If ex Negroes are seen with water melons it would be prudent to have the purchase receipt handy. We white people make certain assumptions and a receipt should put the matter to rest.

Oh, yes -- this is most certain, dear Brother Mayor Hold. When in doubt, ask for the receipt. That should be enough to end any dispute. Mind you, some of "those people" are so crafty that they will find a way around this, such as by saying they already owned the watermelon, and then came into the store with it in their possession!

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

As an ex-nigroid myself, I want to congratulate the Mayor and everyone involved in this initiative. This is the incentive nigroes need to thrive: the possibility of being white, it is their dream since they are born!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

As an ex-nigroid myself, I want to congratulate the Mayor and everyone involved in this initiative. This is the incentive nigroes need to thrive: the possibility of being white, it is their dream since they are born!

I have to admit I'm a bit concerned by some ex Negroes. Thank goodness you, Brother Gonzalez, are not one of those I'm concerned about. I'll be really disappointed if our reward winner turns his or her celebrity status into an enterprise that competes with Pastor Zeke and Landover Baptist.

Specifically, I'm thinking of Creflo Dollar. Creflo is a graduate of some other ex Negro program. He studied Pastor Zeke's sermons and fund raising techniques until he master them completely. Now Creflo has his own airplane and attracts large numbers of white people to his prosperity gospel sermons.

He even attended remotely or obtained material from Landover Baptist parenting classes. A few years ago he did not like a boy his teenage daughter was seeing and choked and punched her. This was the kind of father leadership Christian white parents admire.

All I'm saying is the award must go to someone who will not use it to compete with Pastor Zeke and Landover Baptist.

Creflo Dollar - Wikipedia

[Isabella White]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

I have to admit I'm a bit concerned by some ex Negroes. Thank goodness you, Brother Gonzalez, are not one of those I'm concerned about. I'll be really disappointed if our reward winner turns his or her celebrity status into an enterprise that competes with Pastor Zeke and Landover Baptist.

Specifically, I'm thinking of Creflo Dollar. Creflo is a graduate of some other ex Negro program. He studied Pastor Zeke's sermons and fund raising techniques until he master them completely. Now Creflo has his own airplane and attracts large numbers of white people to his prosperity gospel sermons.

He even attended remotely or obtained material from Landover Baptist parenting classes. A few years ago he did not like a boy his teenage daughter was seeing and choked and punched her. This was the kind of father leadership Christian white parents admire.

All I'm saying is the award must go to someone who will not use it to compete with Pastor Zeke and Landover Baptist.

Creflo Dollar - Wikipedia

Oh, Dear; I only hope that Reverend Creflo remembered to give credit to our beloved (in particular), and (in general), for the outstanding teaching that he had received here.

Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the ."

I think it's very nice that Creflo was doing his best to prevent his daughter from being entangled with sin, and to avert her from provoking the wrath of Almighty . As you've described so accurately, dear Brother Mayor Hold, he was doing his best to give the discipline when it is needed -- where it is needed!

Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

[WWJDnow]

Re: Announcement: Ex Negro Achievement Award

Is it OK for ex-negroes to marry white women? I don't think I could go along with that.