July 4th Skinless Wiener Roast! All invited to the church parking lot

[Larry Lee]

This year, Landover is celebrating the Fourth of July with an Olde Fashioned skinless wiener roast! Everyone's invited to the Church parking lot for a rollicking good time of prayer requests, shooting competitions, Supreme Court encomiums, and -- of course -- Skinless Wieners!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

They sound delicious Larry. The skin of the hotdog is the worst part - did you know it's made of disgusting animal intestines unlike the meat which is a blend of ***CENSORED BY MODERATOR*** and ***LINK TO MIDGET PORN REMOVED***. Sorry I couldn't make the Wiener event, I was having a private Wiener event with some of the youth pastors.

[Larry Lee]

Sorry I couldn't make the Wiener event, I was having a private Wiener event with some of the youth pastors.

Dr. Toole, I know you had a blessed day ministering to the youth pastors, who, I'm sure, experienced the rush of the Holy Spirit's anointing as they came to appreciate your Fourth of July fervor... Meanwhile at the Church, many in attendance shuddered like Samuel Alito at the Federalist Society, as they received our Lord Jesus Christ as their personally attentive Savior.

However having said that, there's one thing about your report that confuses me. Why did the Moderators censor your reference to our born-again midget brethren?

and ***LINK TO MIDGET BORN REMOVED***.

Our midget brethren may be short in stature but they're big in faith, as Sister Mary Etheldreda has reported many times.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

However having said that, there's one thing about your report that confuses me. Why did the Moderators censor your reference to our born-again midget brethren?

Our midget brethren may be short in stature but they're big in faith, as Sister Mary Etheldreda has reported many times.

I can only assume it's for my own good, Brother Larry. The moderators know what offends Christ better than anybody save Pastor Zeke himself.

It was simply an innocent link to the ingredients often found in multi-pack bargain hotdogs. Our midget friends associates need not feel excluded from Church events so long as they're up to date on tithes and don't sit in the front rows. They won't be going to Heaven either.

Leviticus 21:16-23
¹⁶ And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
¹⁷ Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
¹⁸ For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
¹⁹ Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
²⁰ Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
²¹ No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.
²² He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.
²³ Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the Lord do sanctify them.

[Larry Lee]

Our midget friends associates need not feel excluded from Church events so long as they're up to date on tithes and don't sit in the front rows. They won't be going to Heaven either.

What?!? You mean midgets are as forbidden as cloth of mixed fabric?!!! Who knew? Our Lord is so precious that He creates enough laws for us to obey that without Him we'd all be schtupping porn stars.