[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Do you witches boil your babies before you eat them, or barbeque them? At least True Christians(tm) put the animals out of their misery *before* dicing and cooking them -- homer hippies like Ms. Hellsinger here do all their preparation by digging a coathanger into the poor innocent baby-snot children while they are cuddling in their mother's warm womb. Even GOD orders babies to be dashed against rocks once they are OUTSIDE the womb (ie torn from their mother's body) -- any other way is just detestable and wrong. I shudder to think of your lack of morals.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Oooooh, just you wait until I send PETA over to Wu Lins

We at Landover Baptist Church are all card-carrying members of PETU.

People for the Ethical Treatment of the Unborn

We don't worry about varmints. Jesus gave us those to eat. The only ethical way to treat an animal is to marinate it before tossing it on the Weber!

I don't hear you crying your fake tears over the bazillions of murdered babies every day by liebral witches like you!

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

PETA? They are nothing but terrorists who try to subvert the will of God when it comes to the treatment of animals.

The only PETA that matters is the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Poor Ching Lee needs a vacation is all I'm saying.

Vacation? She's a servant, she doesn't need a vacation! If she takes a vacation who will take care of the good Pastor's house and cook his meals?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Oooooh, just you wait until I send PETA over to Wu Lins

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

A familiar cat doesn't need to be black. Black cats are just a stereotype. They are, however, very pretty cats.

"Pretty"? Pretty monstrous more like it.



Just look at that animal; as crazed as a blood-thirsty wiccan. It is obvious black cats have an inbuilt gothness - that is, an aversion to bright and cheerful colours.

But it isn't all bad news - chuck a black cat in a pot with this little chap ...



... and voila! Ebony and Ivory stew. It is perfect for those Baptists who wish to express their gentle, inclusive natures.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

You admit what exactly? That Jesus Christ is the one true God? SAY IT THEN!! SAY IT OR WATCH US SKIN THEM KITTIES ALIVE!!

NEVER!!!!
I WILL COME TO LANDOVER AND RESCUE THOSE KITTIES WHATEVER THE RISK!!!!
I mean I admit that I just don't like people hurting cats.

So now you reveal to us your intimate knowlegde of witchcraftery. The truth comes out, Praise God!

Bah. In your eyes I'm damned anyway, so it isn't like my witchiness would make me any more damned in your eyes, now, would it?

And don't even THINK about stealing Pastor Pistle's house servants. That will get you horsewhipped in certain American locales.

Poor Ching Lee needs a vacation is all I'm saying.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

You admit what exactly? That Jesus Christ is the one true God? SAY IT THEN!!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

OK....FINE!!!! I ADMIT IT!!! I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE HURTING CATS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DARNED ADORABLE!!! There, happy now??

You admit what exactly? That Jesus Christ is the one true God? SAY IT THEN!! SAY IT OR WATCH US SKIN THEM KITTIES ALIVE!!


A familiar cat doesn't need to be black. Black cats are just a stereotype. They are, however, very pretty cats.

So now you reveal to us your intimate knowlegde of witchcraftery. The truth comes out, Praise God!

And don't even THINK about stealing Pastor Pistle's house servants. That will get you horsewhipped in certain American locales.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

So do cats - they are a pestilence upon suburbia. Not only do they litter one's living room with dazed mice and half-gnawed birds, but they toilet in one's freshly dug garden ... and there's nothing more gruesome than huge dollops of stinking cat muck amongst one's miniature rose bushes.

OK....FINE!!!! I ADMIT IT!!! I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE HURTING CATS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DARNED ADORABLE!!! There, happy now??

You do know these aren't black cats, don't you? No future familiars for you, dear.

A familiar cat doesn't need to be black. Black cats are just a stereotype. They are, however, very pretty cats.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Nonsense. It won't work.

... oh ye of little faith. Try rubbing some catnip onto the traps - it is a better idea overall as you will be catching kitty by her soft little ear, which is preferable to the tail; the tails don't get damaged you see, making for an interesting sidedish.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Meh, go for your life. I'm not really a rabbit fan. They breed like crazy and endanger other animals and plants.

Although, I hear they make a mean stew

You do know these aren't black cats, don't you? No future familiars for you, dear.

Perhaps now your interest will drop, no?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

But I am winning the flowerbed war, and here's how

Nonsense. It won't work.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Meh, go for your life. I'm not really a rabbit fan. They breed like crazy and endanger other animals and plants.

So do cats - they are a pestilence upon suburbia. Not only do they litter one's living room with dazed mice and half-gnawed birds, but they toilet in one's freshly dug garden ... and there's nothing more gruesome than huge dollops of stinking cat muck amongst one's miniature rose bushes.

But I am winning the flowerbed war, and here's how; attach several mousetraps to a length of string, and place said string at cat-tail height over your garden. If you are really adventurous, criss-cross several strings over garden ... in no time you will have plently of cats for your stews, and what cats you don't catch - the ones who got away by chewing through the remainder of their crippled tails - won't be crapping among your pansies anytime soon.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

Meh, go for your life. I'm not really a rabbit fan. They breed like crazy and endanger other animals and plants.

Although, I hear they make a mean stew