[minusthebear]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

And giving me an "infraction" for that just proves my point.

It's all good, man, we'll all float on OK. Never mind them - if they're going to heaven, we sure as hell don't want to be there. I'll save us a table in the great beyond with Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr and Andrew Maxwell and we can watch the burn.

[Draxzar]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Wow! Let me get this straight. So your God is an evil murdering and selfish prick AND he doesn't have a sense of humour? Where do I sign up?

For all of you God botherers who don't like humour, I was being sarcastic.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Why are you so full of hate, you Christophobe!

[Romanian]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Question: What is not a sin?
If it is a sin to have sex then we will vanish.
If it is a sin to have humor then we will be with no emotions at all. Humor is the spice of life.
If it is a sin to have fun we won't have any good mood to get in a work.
Well, if you will say NO to all what did I say then see ya to the Heaven gates. You all guys so racist sometimes. I mean I hate satanists and other stuff like that but making the world communist as North Korea will not make the world better nor respecting every single word out of Bible. Who knows what people wrote into that book just to drive you out from "your good religion". You guys can't understand why God gave us and you can't even reply me with a long good -contra answer. Because you don't even have the words to respond those words. I think you mock GOD. You mock the one you created and that is a sin. Whatever. How long I will try to explain these things you will still hold that satanic religion. apocalypse 13:16 and apocalypse 13:17 . Those times will come and one Anti-Christ will come to power. Guess who will be it? The most important country in the world is U.S.A. and the anti-Christ will be aaaaan (quiz question) American of course. Think that you will be the sin country. Look! I told you a Bible paragraph which is 100% accurate.

[Romanian]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Revelation 13:16 and Revelation 13:17

[Meek and Humble]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Question: What is not a sin?
If it is a sin to have sex then we will vanish.

It is a sin to have sex with anyone but your own wife (and even then you should avoid as much as you can).

1 Corinthians 7: 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

If it is a sin to have humor then we will be with no emotions at all. Humor is the spice of life.
If it is a sin to have fun we won't have any good mood to get in a work.

Where does it say this in the Bible?

Well, if you will say NO to all what did I say then see ya to the Heaven gates. You all guys so racist sometimes. I mean I hate satanists and other stuff like that but making the world communist as North Korea will not make the world better nor respecting every single word out of Bible. Who knows what people wrote into that book just to drive you out from "your good religion". You guys can't understand why God gave us and you can't even reply me with a long good -contra answer.

Oh, so why are you able to understand what God wants and not us?

You mock the one you created and that is a sin.

You are the one putting words in God's mouth, and claiming He is not even able to make sure that His message is spread clearly on earth and keep the Bible from being corrupted by men.

apocalypse 13:16 and apocalypse 13:17 .

So now you quote the Bible? I thought you said it was stupid to respect every single word in the Bible? So you only obey the parts you like? That sounds Satanic. The main doctrine of the Satanic religion is that you do what pleases yourself above all else.

Those times will come and one Anti-Christ will come to power. Guess who will be it? The most important country in the world is U.S.A. and the anti-Christ will be aaaaan (quiz question) American of course. Think that you will be the sin country. Look! I told you a Bible paragraph which is 100% accurate.

The Anti-Christ might well be an American. In fact, it might even be the current President of the United States. But I can tell you certainly it will not be a member of the Landover Baptist Church. The Bible is clear that the MAJORITY of the world will follow the Anti-Christ, with only a very small number of Christians staying true. Well, most of the world doesn't listen to us. Most of America doesn't agree with us. They enjoy have sex outside of marriage, all sorts of sinning, and telling jokes. They don't follow God, and we definitely aren't going to be able to save most of them.

[James Hutchins]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Wow! Let me get this straight. So your God is an evil murdering and selfish prick AND he doesn't have a sense of humour? Where do I sign up?

For all of you God botherers who don't like humour, I was being sarcastic.

He is not just 'our' God. He is 'The ' God, the one and only.

God created us in His image. Therefore, He wants us to live as He wants us to. He provided us with the KJV Bible so we would know what to do.
He gave us Free Will to do as we please.
It is out (and your) choice to do as we see fit. You can follow His divine guidance and live a wonderful, completely fulfilling life spreading His word, followed by eternity in Heaven. Or you can go against Him, live a life of misery followed by eternity in Hell.
I think you'll agree, any sinner that has a short life is fortunate. Therefore, God is doing sinners a favor when He prematurely ends theirs.

God does have a sense of humor. He created you.

[Romanian]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

It is a sin to have sex with anyone but your own wife (and even then you should avoid as much as you can).

1 Corinthians 7: 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.



Where does it say this in the Bible?


Oh, so why are you able to understand what God wants and not us?



You are the one putting words in God's mouth, and claiming He is not even able to make sure that His message is spread clearly on earth and keep the Bible from being corrupted by men.



So now you quote the Bible? I thought you said it was stupid to respect every single word in the Bible? So you only obey the parts you like? That sounds Satanic. The main doctrine of the Satanic religion is that you do what pleases yourself above all else.



The Anti-Christ might well be an American. In fact, it might even be the current President of the United States. But I can tell you certainly it will not be a member of the Landover Baptist Church. The Bible is clear that the MAJORITY of the world will follow the Anti-Christ, with only a very small number of Christians staying true. Well, most of the world doesn't listen to us. Most of America doesn't agree with us. They enjoy have sex outside of marriage, all sorts of sinning, and telling jokes. They don't follow God, and we definitely aren't going to be able to save most of them.

Dude you miss-understanding me. Just resume me in few words why you are being created. I know you are ready to get the mark in your hand because you are a true American. You wouldn't let your religion for your country and vice-versa. Bible is not stupid, but if you read it mindless when you are bored or you have nothing else to do it is a sin. A sin is to go to church only to forgive yourself from having sex out of marriage or masturbating. Listening the words with your soul will purify you. Bible is a saint book and not all people should access it without any knowledge (like a theology high-school/ university) Only the priest and his sovereign.
You may read the Bible only with mind and choosing carefully what paragraph you should read. God loves people. It is like you make something out of clay and then deprave it. Then you can make something new with clay. There goes the Revelation chapter. When we get vanished and other civilizations are being created. Those words aren't in Bible because God wasn't directly on Earth. He was indirectly on Earth through Jesus. God loves to watch our technology and creations. He gave us the power to write Bible (12 Apostles and Jesus). May I quote:

How this is defying God? As explained by Brother Heathen_Basher: Genetic engineering will take on a role beyond what God has given to us as His creation. The Bible states that all things were created by God and for Him (Colossians 1:16). As individuals we are made in God’s image and therefore should be subject to His plan (Genesis 1:26,27; Matthew 22:20,21). God designed all living things after certain "kinds" (Genesis 1:11-25). Too much manipulation of the genetics (altering species) could be delving into issues reserved for the Designer.

Then why you use internet. God wasn't intended to create Internet, why you use it. Then if you go to hell from anything you do then do anything you want to. Rape girls, murder people, rob banks, kill satanic wrong guys from "false"Christian forums. Write properly: Why God created us? What He wants from us?
Please do not start to flame this, I want to have this just a nice conversation, if you will get mad on me nothing will get solved. If you like to taunt me just do it. Do not obey parts of Bible. Obey all off the Bible but at the right time.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Dude you miss-understanding me. Just resume me in few words why you are being created.

Interesting you should ask. We are created for no other reason than to worship God.

Isaia 43:21 poporul pe care Mi l-am alcătuit, ca să vestească laudele Mele.``

But God also creates evil people just because He can. He creates them so that He can destroy them, because that is what He wants to do to show His glory.

Romani 9: 11Căci, măcar că cei doi gemeni nu se născuseră încă, şi nu făcuseră nici bine nici rău, -ca să rămînă în picioare hotărîrea mai dinainte a lui Dumnezeu, prin care se făcea o alegere, nu prin fapte, ci prin Cel ce cheamă, - 12s'a zis Rebecii: ,,Cel mai mare va fi rob celui mai mic``,
13după cum este scris: ,,Pe Iacov l-am iubit, iar pe Esau l-am urît.``
14Deci ce vom zice? Nu cumva este nedreptate în Dumnezeu? Nici de cum!
15Căci El a zis lui Moise: ,,Voi avea milă de oricine-Mi va plăcea să am milă; şi Mă voi îndura de oricine-Mi va plăcea să Mă îndur.``
16Aşa dar, nu atîrnă nici de cine vrea, nici de cine aleargă, ci de Dumnezeu care are milă.
17Fiindcă Scriptura zice lui Faraon: ,,Te-am ridicat înadins, ca să-Mi arăt în tine puterea Mea, şi pentruca Numele Meu să fie vestit în tot pămîntul.``
18Astfel, El are milă de cine vrea şi împietreşte pe cine vrea.
19Dar îmi vei zice: ,,Atunci de ce mai bagă vină? Căci cine poate sta împotriva voiei Lui?``
20Dar, mai de grabă, cine eşti tu, omule, ca să răspunzi împotriva lui Dumnezeu? Nu cumva vasul de lut va zice celui ce l -a făcut: ,,Pentru ce m-ai făcut aşa?``
21Nu este olarul stăpîn pe lutul lui, ca din aceeaş frămîntătură de lut să facă un vas pentru o întrebuinţare de cinste, şi un alt vas pentru o întrebuinţare de ocară?
22Şi ce putem spune, dacă Dumnezeu, fiindcă voia să-Şi arate mînia şi să-Şi descopere puterea, a suferit cu multă răbdare nişte vase ale mîniei, făcute pentru peire;
23şi să-Şi arate bogăţia slavei Lui faţă de nişte vase ale îndurării, pe cari le -a pregătit mai dinainte pentru slavă (despre noi vorbesc)?

I know you are ready to get the mark in your hand because you are a true American. You wouldn't let your religion for your country and vice-versa.

Wrong. I would leave this country in a second if they forced me to do something that was against my religion. And besides, everyone knows it is the Roman Catholic Church which is the Anti-Christ:

PROOF THAT THE POPE IS THE ANTICHRIST


Characteristics of Antichrist revealed

The Antichrist


Is Pope Benedict XVI The Antichrist?


TRADITIONAL ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH PROVEN TO BE A PRACTICE OF WITCHCRAFT

Ex Catholic Priest Exposes The Vatican

Bible is not stupid, but if you read it mindless when you are bored or you have nothing else to do it is a sin.

Good thing I don't do that.

A sin is to go to church only to forgive yourself from having sex out of marriage or masturbating.

Good thing I don't do that either. I also don't invent a little ritual called "confession" that acts like a priest has the power to forgive instead of God, and try to excuse people's sins.

Listening the words with your soul will purify you.

I think you should read this: Questions to ask liberal "Christians"

" We sometimes hear that “Christian ethics,” “Christian love,” and the “spirit of the Bible” trump the clear commands of the Bible. What source could “Christian ethics,” “Christian love,” and the “spirit of the Bible” have, if not the words of the Bible? Similarly, if the Bible contradicts a modern understanding of morality, why is it the Bible, rather than that modern understanding of morality, which is in error?"

" More generally, whenever the Bible says something that you don’t like, how are you justified in appealing to “Bible scholars” who say that the Bible means something radically different from (and in some cases the exact opposite of) what the words on paper say? Which is the Word of God: those people’s interpretation of the Bible, or the Bible? If you are justified in reading the Bible in that way, why are homosexuals not equally justified in doing so?"

" Why should any part of Scripture not have meaning until it is “interpreted correctly”? Why should we read a text that presents itself as a straightforward instruction manual for life as though it had layers of hidden meaning that only the adept could understand? Can the Almighty not express Himself clearly? Also, since the Bible is given to us for our salvation, why would a loving God make Bible understanding, and thus salvation, contingent on being clever enough, persistent enough, or both to ferret out the hidden meaning?"

" Regarding the inspiration of Scripture, we hear that only the “essence” was inspired. What is your functional distinction between the “essence” and the parts that you like? If it isn’t all to be read and followed as the Word of God, why treat any of it that way?"

Bible is a saint book and not all people should access it without any knowledge (like a theology high-school/ university) Only the priest and his sovereign.

Oh really? Where in the Bible does it say only certain people should read it? Don't you see that is a trick of the devil, of the priests who are lying to control you? The St. Paul and the other Apostles wrote openly their letters of the New Testament for the entire community to read, not just one Priests. The words of Jesus in the Gospel he spoke outloud in public to all the crowds to hear. The commandments of the Old Testament were spoken out by God in front of the entire nation of Israel. Where does God ever say only a few people should have the right to teach what the Bible says?

Besides, the Bible tells us we are to be all priests:

1 Petru 2:9 Însă voi, sunteți un neam ales, o preoție împărătească, o națiune sfântă, un popor care a devenit posesiunea lui Dumnezeu. Astfel, voi puteți proclama lucrările minunate ale Celui care v-a chemat din întuneric la lumina Sa uimitoare.

You may read the Bible only with mind and choosing carefully what paragraph you should read.

No, God wants us to read ALL of the Bible!


2 Timotei 3:16 Toată Scriptura este inspirată de Dumnezeu și este de folos pentru învățătură, pentru mustrare, pentru corectare, pentru instruire în dreptate,

God loves people.

True. But God also hates some people.


Psalmi 5:5Nebunii nu pot să stea în preajma ochilor Tăi; Tu urăşti pe cei ce fac fărădelegea,


Psalmi 11:5Domnul cearcă pe cel neprihănit, dar urăşte pe cel rău şi pe cel ce iubeşte silnicia.


Osea 9:15Toată răutatea lor este la Ghilgal; acolo M'am scîrbit de ei. Din pricina răutăţii faptelor lor, îi voi izgoni din Casa Mea. Nu -i mai pot iubi, toate căpeteniile lor sînt nişte îndărătnici.


Romani 9:13 așa cum este scrise Iacov l-am iubit, dar pe Esau l-am urât.

It is like you make something out of clay and then deprave it. Then you can make something new with clay.

Interesting you talk of clay. God says He makes us like clay, and if He wants to make some people just so He can hate and destroy them, we cannot answer back to Him.


Romani 9:20 Dar cine ești tu, omule, să pui în discuție ce spune Dumnezeu?! Oare cel modelat îi va spune celui care l-a modelat: "De ce m-ai făcut așa?" 21 Sau oare nu are olarul autoritatea ca din același bulgăre de lut să facă și un vas pentru utilizări deosebite și unul pentru folosință obișnuită?

There goes the Revelation chapter. When we get vanished and other civilizations are being created. Those words aren't in Bible because God wasn't directly on Earth. He was indirectly on Earth through Jesus.

Are you saying Jesus is NOT God?

God loves to watch our technology and creations.

If that is true, why did God destroy the Tower of Babel?

Then why you use internet. God wasn't intended to create Internet, why you use it.

We use the internet only to spread the glory of God.

Write properly: Why God created us? What He wants from us?

If you actually obeyed the Bible you might know. I have already explained it.

Iuda 1:4 pentru că s-au strecurat între voi unii oameni lipsiți de evlavie (a căror condamnare a fost scrisă cu mult înainte), care au transformat harul lui Dumnezeu în desfrânare și care-L resping pe singurul nostru Stăpân și Domn, Isus Cristos.

Romani 9:11Căci, măcar că cei doi gemeni nu se născuseră încă, şi nu făcuseră nici bine nici rău, -ca să rămînă în picioare hotărîrea mai dinainte a lui Dumnezeu, prin care se făcea o alegere, nu prin fapte, ci prin Cel ce cheamă, -

[Romanian]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Interesting you should ask. We are created for no other reason than to worship God.

Isaia 43:21 poporul pe care Mi l-am alcătuit, ca să vestească laudele Mele.``

But God also creates evil people just because He can. He creates them so that He can destroy them, because that is what He wants to do to show His glory.

Romani 9: 11Căci, măcar că cei doi gemeni nu se născuseră încă, şi nu făcuseră nici bine nici rău, -ca să rămînă în picioare hotărîrea mai dinainte a lui Dumnezeu, prin care se făcea o alegere, nu prin fapte, ci prin Cel ce cheamă, - 12s'a zis Rebecii: ,,Cel mai mare va fi rob celui mai mic``,
13după cum este scris: ,,Pe Iacov l-am iubit, iar pe Esau l-am urît.``
14Deci ce vom zice? Nu cumva este nedreptate în Dumnezeu? Nici de cum!
15Căci El a zis lui Moise: ,,Voi avea milă de oricine-Mi va plăcea să am milă; şi Mă voi îndura de oricine-Mi va plăcea să Mă îndur.``
16Aşa dar, nu atîrnă nici de cine vrea, nici de cine aleargă, ci de Dumnezeu care are milă.
17Fiindcă Scriptura zice lui Faraon: ,,Te-am ridicat înadins, ca să-Mi arăt în tine puterea Mea, şi pentruca Numele Meu să fie vestit în tot pămîntul.``
18Astfel, El are milă de cine vrea şi împietreşte pe cine vrea.
19Dar îmi vei zice: ,,Atunci de ce mai bagă vină? Căci cine poate sta împotriva voiei Lui?``
20Dar, mai de grabă, cine eşti tu, omule, ca să răspunzi împotriva lui Dumnezeu? Nu cumva vasul de lut va zice celui ce l -a făcut: ,,Pentru ce m-ai făcut aşa?``
21Nu este olarul stăpîn pe lutul lui, ca din aceeaş frămîntătură de lut să facă un vas pentru o întrebuinţare de cinste, şi un alt vas pentru o întrebuinţare de ocară?
22Şi ce putem spune, dacă Dumnezeu, fiindcă voia să-Şi arate mînia şi să-Şi descopere puterea, a suferit cu multă răbdare nişte vase ale mîniei, făcute pentru peire;
23şi să-Şi arate bogăţia slavei Lui faţă de nişte vase ale îndurării, pe cari le -a pregătit mai dinainte pentru slavă (despre noi vorbesc)?




Wrong. I would leave this country in a second if they forced me to do something that was against my religion. And besides, everyone knows it is the Roman Catholic Church which is the Anti-Christ:

PROOF THAT THE POPE IS THE ANTICHRIST


Characteristics of Antichrist revealed

The Antichrist


Is Pope Benedict XVI The Antichrist?


TRADITIONAL ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH PROVEN TO BE A PRACTICE OF WITCHCRAFT

Ex Catholic Priest Exposes The Vatican



Good thing I don't do that.



Good thing I don't do that either. I also don't invent a little ritual called "confession" that acts like a priest has the power to forgive instead of God, and try to excuse people's sins.



I think you should read this: Questions to ask liberal "Christians"

" We sometimes hear that “Christian ethics,” “Christian love,” and the “spirit of the Bible” trump the clear commands of the Bible. What source could “Christian ethics,” “Christian love,” and the “spirit of the Bible” have, if not the words of the Bible? Similarly, if the Bible contradicts a modern understanding of morality, why is it the Bible, rather than that modern understanding of morality, which is in error?"

" More generally, whenever the Bible says something that you don’t like, how are you justified in appealing to “Bible scholars” who say that the Bible means something radically different from (and in some cases the exact opposite of) what the words on paper say? Which is the Word of God: those people’s interpretation of the Bible, or the Bible? If you are justified in reading the Bible in that way, why are homosexuals not equally justified in doing so?"

" Why should any part of Scripture not have meaning until it is “interpreted correctly”? Why should we read a text that presents itself as a straightforward instruction manual for life as though it had layers of hidden meaning that only the adept could understand? Can the Almighty not express Himself clearly? Also, since the Bible is given to us for our salvation, why would a loving God make Bible understanding, and thus salvation, contingent on being clever enough, persistent enough, or both to ferret out the hidden meaning?"

" Regarding the inspiration of Scripture, we hear that only the “essence” was inspired. What is your functional distinction between the “essence” and the parts that you like? If it isn’t all to be read and followed as the Word of God, why treat any of it that way?"



Oh really? Where in the Bible does it say only certain people should read it? Don't you see that is a trick of the devil, of the priests who are lying to control you? The St. Paul and the other Apostles wrote openly their letters of the New Testament for the entire community to read, not just one Priests. The words of Jesus in the Gospel he spoke outloud in public to all the crowds to hear. The commandments of the Old Testament were spoken out by God in front of the entire nation of Israel. Where does God ever say only a few people should have the right to teach what the Bible says?

Besides, the Bible tells us we are to be all priests:

1 Petru 2:9 Însă voi, sunteți un neam ales, o preoție împărătească, o națiune sfântă, un popor care a devenit posesiunea lui Dumnezeu. Astfel, voi puteți proclama lucrările minunate ale Celui care v-a chemat din întuneric la lumina Sa uimitoare.



No, God wants us to read ALL of the Bible!


2 Timotei 3:16 Toată Scriptura este inspirată de Dumnezeu și este de folos pentru învățătură, pentru mustrare, pentru corectare, pentru instruire în dreptate,



True. But God also hates some people.


Psalmi 5:5Nebunii nu pot să stea în preajma ochilor Tăi; Tu urăşti pe cei ce fac fărădelegea,


Psalmi 11:5Domnul cearcă pe cel neprihănit, dar urăşte pe cel rău şi pe cel ce iubeşte silnicia.


Osea 9:15Toată răutatea lor este la Ghilgal; acolo M'am scîrbit de ei. Din pricina răutăţii faptelor lor, îi voi izgoni din Casa Mea. Nu -i mai pot iubi, toate căpeteniile lor sînt nişte îndărătnici.


Romani 9:13 așa cum este scrise Iacov l-am iubit, dar pe Esau l-am urât.




Interesting you talk of clay. God says He makes us like clay, and if He wants to make some people just so He can hate and destroy them, we cannot answer back to Him.


Romani 9:20 Dar cine ești tu, omule, să pui în discuție ce spune Dumnezeu?! Oare cel modelat îi va spune celui care l-a modelat: "De ce m-ai făcut așa?" 21 Sau oare nu are olarul autoritatea ca din același bulgăre de lut să facă și un vas pentru utilizări deosebite și unul pentru folosință obișnuită?




Are you saying Jesus is NOT God?



If that is true, why did God destroy the Tower of Babel?



We use the internet only to spread the glory of God.



If you actually obeyed the Bible you might know. I have already explained it.

Iuda 1:4 pentru că s-au strecurat între voi unii oameni lipsiți de evlavie (a căror condamnare a fost scrisă cu mult înainte), care au transformat harul lui Dumnezeu în desfrânare și care-L resping pe singurul nostru Stăpân și Domn, Isus Cristos.

Romani 9:11Căci, măcar că cei doi gemeni nu se născuseră încă, şi nu făcuseră nici bine nici rău, -ca să rămînă în picioare hotărîrea mai dinainte a lui Dumnezeu, prin care se făcea o alegere, nu prin fapte, ci prin Cel ce cheamă, -

You are very quite intelligent but let me explain something. God and Jesus and Holy Spirit are the same. (Holy Trinity) Also we are not gypsies, gypsies are originally coming from India (may I quote " http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=44677 ")
As the were a migrating tribe originally from there.
Gypsies of our country (20 million people) are about 1% to 3% which is minimal. Also in our neighborhood there isn't even a gypsy. Also gypsies in our city aren't allowed to go to high schools and even some elementary schools. Our policy stictly forbids them. Also I like that you translated me some versets so I would not have my Bible next to me while you guys give me some versets. Anyways. What else God/Jesus destroyed? Did he destroy Jesus statue at Rio de Janeiro ? Nope. We are not ROMANS we are ROMANIANS and we haven't ever judged God. Don't judge me and you won't pe judged. I don't even resping (push away) Jesus. I love Jesus how He sacrificed on the cross. I love just how Johannit knights fought against musulmanism (arabs) to free Jerusalem. God loves all people except: Homosexual people. Joan 3:16
I say once again! Read ALL Bible but each paragraph and line AT THE RIGHT TIME.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

We are not ROMANS we are ROMANIANS

Changing your name does not make you less guilty! Did you really think you could fool Jesus with tricks like that?

You killed Him and Jesus is not going to forget that!

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: God Hates Jokes!!!

Woah, someone boasting about going to Glasgow University! Now that's something I thought I'd never see.