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  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323

    #31
    Re: True Christian Trading Post

    Tomorrow is sunday, The Lord's day. I will be ministering to my flock of semi-nude natives on the white white sand beach below the church.

    The strikeout feature.....the brackets are the keys to the right of the P on your keyboard. Left bracket, s, right bracket starts the strikeout and left bracket right slash s right bracket stops it.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


    Comment

    • Deaner
      Christ's Love Messenger
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 5932

      #32
      Re: True Christian Trading Post

      Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post
      PS Bobby Joe, I'll make sure that boy can shine before I ship him out. I'm not going to send you a bum steer, Brother!
      Ok, hold on; I just read this.

      So Bobby Joe is going to give you a Panda fur coat as long as he can shine shoes? Well...can he play harmonica too? Because if he can shine shoes AND play harmonica I'll give you my authographed Pat Robertson 1611 KJV.

      Now, if you can get him to tap dance as well; I'm going to hook you up next time we go on the teenage prostitute ministry. We could use a good man like you there.

      Dean

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78555

        #33
        Re: True Christian Trading Post

        Originally posted by Deaner View Post
        Ok, hold on; I just read this.

        So Bobby Joe is going to give you a Panda fur coat as long as he can shine shoes? Well...can he play harmonica too? Because if he can shine shoes AND play harmonica I'll give you my authographed Pat Robertson 1611 KJV.

        Now, if you can get him to tap dance as well; I'm going to hook you up next time we go on the teenage prostitute ministry. We could use a good man like you there.

        Dean
        Brother Deaner, the waiting list for that particular ministry is several years long. Don't get his hopes up....
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • Brother Temperance
          Senior Usher
          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
          A very nice young man
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15621

          #34
          Re: True Christian Trading Post

          I had my first Bible study session with Condi today... I thought I'd try something nice and simple, like Leviticus 1:

          1 And the LORD called unto Moses, and spake unto him out of the tabernacle of the congregation, saying,
          2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man of you bring an offering unto the LORD, ye shall bring your offering of the cattle, even of the herd, and of the flock.
          3 If his offering be a burnt sacrifice of the herd, let him offer a male without blemish: he shall offer it of his own voluntary will at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation before the LORD.
          4 And he shall put his hand upon the head of the burnt offering; and it shall be accepted for him to make atonement for him.
          5 And he shall kill the bullock before the LORD: and the priests, Aaron's sons, shall bring the blood, and sprinkle the blood round about upon the altar that is by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
          6 And he shall flay the burnt offering, and cut it into his pieces.
          7 And the sons of Aaron the priest shall put fire upon the altar, and lay the wood in order upon the fire:
          8 And the priests, Aaron's sons, shall lay the parts, the head, and the fat, in order upon the wood that is on the fire which is upon the altar:
          9 But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.
          10 And if his offering be of the flocks, namely, of the sheep, or of the goats, for a burnt sacrifice; he shall bring it a male without blemish.
          11 And he shall kill it on the side of the altar northward before the LORD: and the priests, Aaron's sons, shall sprinkle his blood round about upon the altar.
          12 And he shall cut it into his pieces, with his head and his fat: and the priest shall lay them in order on the wood that is on the fire which is upon the altar:
          13 But he shall wash the inwards and the legs with water: and the priest shall bring it all, and burn it upon the altar: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.
          14 And if the burnt sacrifice for his offering to the LORD be of fowls, then he shall bring his offering of turtledoves, or of young pigeons.
          15 And the priest shall bring it unto the altar, and wring off his head, and burn it on the altar; and the blood thereof shall be wrung out at the side of the altar:
          16 And he shall pluck away his crop with his feathers, and cast it beside the altar on the east part, by the place of the ashes:
          17 And he shall cleave it with the wings thereof, but shall not divide it asunder: and the priest shall burn it upon the altar, upon the wood that is upon the fire: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.

          The damnable foreigner was hungover, and things didn't go too well. Any takers for a vomit-soiled KJV?
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

          Comment

          • Sister Rebecca
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 390

            #35
            Re: True Christian Trading Post

            No, thank you dear.
            However, I have a gently-used Ak-47 I would trade Sister Glynndie for some of her yummy snickerdoodles.
            Jesus is watching you masturbate.

            Nunquam concumbo dutch puellus intra clunis.

            numquam futuis, puer Batavica ad te asinus praesepe

            Comment

            • SUV
              True Christian™ Princess
              The Driving Force behind RA12
              Have at it, anytime!
              • Sep 2006
              • 11027

              #36
              Re: True Christian Trading Post

              Originally posted by sister rebecca View Post
              No, thank you dear.
              However, I have a gently-used Ak-47 I would trade Sister Glynndie for some of her yummy snickerdoodles.
              Bless You, Dear! I had all but forgotten about Mother Glynndie's yummy snickerdoodles.

              Guess I know what I'm getting for Christmas this year!

              SUV

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